Sunday, November 21, 2004

Do you take this man?

So . . had another enlightening conversation just now.
Enlightening more for her than me.
J. has been somewhat happily married (notice the somewhat) for the last 8 months. She has, since the inception of the relationship in general - let alone the marriage, been touting the benefits of love, stability and one man forever. I have finally had it up to my nose and practically yelled, "I don't want that!!!"

Needless to say, she was taken aback . . .
"You don't want what???"
"I don't want one man forever right now, for the love of Christ, I'm 24 years old. The most stable relationship I've ever held was with a pair of shoes, and even they let me down when the heel broke off and the leather finally wore off the toes."
"You don't know what you're saying. When you find the one, you will understand."

Was there even any point in arguing that?? I wanted to, because I certainly don't believe it, but how do you argue against anything so esoteric??? She would just argue in defense of the "You can't know because you've never felt it" point. But what is so wrong with enjoying yourself and not wanting to waste it on someone who won't appreciate it?

When did single-ness become the world's new leprosy? God forbid you be single and happy. That would be a travesty.

I read a startling statistic the other day. Startling only because I didn't realize so many women felt the same way I did. 80% of women aged 21 to 35 have given up on marriage. Now who knows where they got this statistic, because I certainly wasn't polled, but I can't help but say that I have some belief in it's reality. I know of three marriages, just three, that I believe are happy and faithful. The rest . . . well, let's just say that the partners involved aren't always eating at home.

And this is what I'm supposed to be searching for? Looking forward to? Despairing about not having?? Doesn't sound right to me.

For now, I chose single and happy. No worries about where my partner is or what he's thinking. No wondering about where the money I make goes (because how many women really want to fund that hunting trip to Montana for elk?). No fighting for my own covers or waking up to bad morning breath that isn't my own. If this means I give up the good side of a relationship - the sex at 3 a.m., someone to hold you when you cry, someone to rub your shoulders when work has been particularly hellish . . . then I guess I give it up for a while. Every loss has a benefit. Mine, this morning, is dancing around the house in crappy clothes with no make-up singing loudly along with Poe. Sounds like a nice trade to me.

What no one says aloud

Everyone has thoughts they don't say aloud. This should have been one of them.
S. and I were watching Interview with a Vampire tonight. Not the best of movies, not the worst, but something he had never seen and I felt like watching. S. and I never watch movies as much as we have something in the background to allow fodder for conversation. I suddenly had a thought.

"S., do you think vampires are real?"
"It's possible, I guess. But I don't think it's likely. Why? Do you think they're real???"
The incredulous tone of his voice almost prevented me from answering. I should have stuck to that initial reaction. Instead, I think I offended his church-going sensibilities.
"Sometimes, I just wonder. I guess, to me, vampires are like God."
"What do you mean?"
"There are stories all over the world, as far back as time remembers, about vampires. All of them have the same bases and the same characteristics. The stories all resemble each other in the way of the vampire, his purpose and his demise. But no one has any proof that they exist, at least none that is well accepted. In that, they are like God. Every society has some form of omnipotent being. The stories are all similiar. The God/Gods/figures all share the same characteristics, the same bases, the same purpose (to some extent) and the same demise. There is no real proof he exists, but nor is there any he/it/they didn't."
"Hmmm . . . "

And with that non-committal noise, the conversation ceased. In fact, the conversation trail of the night ended. We watched the rest of the movie in silence and then he left. He was warm, as always; a kiss on the cheek, a warm embrace, the promise of a call. But something was different. Something was lacking. And what was lacking was probably the quieting of my mind. I couldn't stop running the conversation through my head. I couldn't stop thinking of how similar the myths of our society are and how far back they are able to be traced. Can anyone say that vampires, witches, God, true democracy, faithful men and love do not exist?

Random questions with no answers.