Thursday, April 28, 2005

Can I Have Your Vote For President???

Here are the items on my platform:

#1 - demolishing of the Welfare System as we know it. It will no longer be a free for all. I'm tired beyond measure of working my ass off to pay 50% of my wages in taxes so that I can support ignorant individuals who would rather sit on their ass and spit kids out of their nether regions than get a job.

The new welfare system would be as follows:

Resembling a student loan system, assistance would be available for only ONE nine month period. Throughout that period, persons receiving said assistance would have to provide proof every two weeks that they had applied to at least one job and made a genuine effort to obtain said job. Don't ask me what this proof would be - I just come up with the policies - someone else has to enforce them (I already sound presidential, don't you think?.

At the conclusion of the nine month period, said persons must have found a job. If they haven't, too damn bad. No more money, food stamps or medicaid for you.

Also, at this conclusion, you receive a notice that you have a 6 month grace period to get your finances in order. Following that period, you will begin making repayment to the government for the assistance you received. It will be a low monthly payment for the next 20 years (as I said, modeling the student loan system) with a higher interest rate because we had to support you to begin with. That interest rate must be no less than 7% and no more than 18%. These are the numbers that I just made up.

#2 - Youth sterilization. It is my opinion that some (approximately 50%) of the reason that we are in the welfare predicament to begin with is because people continue to have children when they are 14. Also, because they realize the more they spit out, the more money they get. Therefore, here is the plan:

All male children will receive a vasectomy at birth. Cool your jets, kids, vasectomies are reversible.

All women will be required to have an IUD implanted at age 11.

At the age of 25 - when these individuals have completed certain requirements, reversals can begin as can removals. What are the requirements, you ask?

A - Prove that you have held gainful employment for more than 1 year.
B - Pass an IQ exam - passing will be as easy as achieving a score of 100 or more. I would like to make the requirement higher, but I was told that was too harsh.
C - Pass a parenting class and receive a license to conceive. We have to have a license to drive, I think child bearing is SLIGHTLY more important than driving.

#3 - All license plate numbers will now be the cell phone of the individual who owns the vehicle. This is just a personal pet peeve. I want to be able to dial the idiot who cut me off doing 78 and yet promptly slowed down to 45 on the major interstate to know just how I feel about him, his lineage and the fact that I am quite aware he has fewer than 3 brain cells.

#4 - The legal age for drinking will be lowered to 16. Old enough to drive, old enough to drink. However, there is a stipulation here. People aged 16 to 21 will pay a 20% liquor tax - this should enable us to eliminate property taxes. Some may say this is unfair . .. however, these kids are already paying that much for alcohol. NO ONE has ever wanted alcohol (even 10 year olds) and not gotten it. They're going to get it anyway. And what they're not paying in 20% taxation, they're paying to Joe Blow College Student to buy them the alcohol to begin with. This is a win win for the kid and society.

#5 - All dry counties will be done away with. The concept of a dry county is just beyond all comprehension. Let's NOT allow people to drink here . . .let's make them drive 30 miles to get drunk so that they can drive back to their place of residence drunk as shit and kill everyone else who happens to get in the way. The death rate will probably go down considerably when you think about the fact that there is now just 3 miles between their drinking place and their home.

#6 - All drugs will be legalized. As with the alcohol, no one who has ever wanted drugs has not been able to get them. They always get them. Let's put this to our advantage. Place severe warnings on all drugs defining their side effects and future impairments to the body, so as to disallow anyone from suing the companies that manufacture them (think about how much money the tobacco companies would have saved); then tax them at a 50% rate. I'm relatively certain that over time, this may even allow us to get rid of income tax.

#7 - Gambling will be legalized. For the same reasons as the drugs and alcohol - anyone who has wanted to do it has done it regardless of the law. Let's make some money off of it. Also, it will be legalized in EVERY state. No more of this ignorant Arkansas bullshit about no gambling (thank you, ass crack of the bible belt, for your inherent stupidity) in the state. All that does is send people to Mississippi or Louisiana or any other state that allows lotteries or gambling thus driving our economy down by sending our money elsewhere. We need that economic boost. If the morons are ignorant enough to throw their money away, let them throw it to us.

There are many more policies I wish to enact, but this is good for now. Hope I have your vote.

Monday, April 18, 2005


So, today I realized the full extent of my debt.
However, previous to today, I had never had a blemish on my credit.
Yes, I had a high amount of debt . . . but I had never made a late payment or failed to make payment.
I still haven't.

How, you ask, did you receive a blemish if you didn't fail to make payment on time or at all?

Landers is the devil.
The entire Landers establishment is Hell with vehicles.
NEVER buy from Landers.

Sum up of details as quickly as possible:

February 10, 2004 - moron, white trash idiot decides to commit suicide. Method of choice? Drive in the turning lane of a major highway for 5 miles until you see the biggest vehicle and then hit them head on at 70 mph. Beautiful, less than 9-months old Toyota Sequoia is crushed beyond all recognition (passerbys who knew me stated they thought it was a Jeep Cherokee that had been involved -- large LARGE difference in size). Semi-attractive, but witty girl within vehicle is raced to the hospital and judged to be medically fine.

February 11, 2005 - Witty girl is not only verbally quick, but also intelligent. Calls her insurance company immediately to place the claim and then calls the dealership to alert them that the vehicle has been wrecked and she is CERTAIN that she is going to have a GAP insurance claim. (to those who don't know, GAP insurance can - and should be - purchased at the same time as the vehicle . . . if the insurance company pays of say $34,000 of the vehicle you still owe $37,000 on - the GAP insurance pays the remaining $3,000). Witty girl is informed that she does not have GAP insurance - even though she clearly has a bill of sale which lists it and the additional $500 she paid for it. Witty girl quickly becomes Caustic girl and then escalates to Livid girl. Finally they transfer her to finance where it is discovered, indeed she does have GAP insurance and here is the number of the GAP insurance company to place the claim. Exhausted from fighting with insurance companies and car dealerships - AKA Landers Demon Spawn of Satan - while on Percocet and Hydrocodone - she decides to call the GAP insurance company on another day.

February 14, 2005 - Monday following the weekend of well wishers and hazy medication. Can't return to work because A - hurt beyond all reason and B - doctor has revoked driving rights due to concussion. Calls GAP insurance company. Gives them name - no policy. Gives them SSN - no policy. Gives them VIN - no policy. Curses blue streak when off phone and immediately calls Landers Demon Spawn of Satan. They assure me they will take care of it.

February 17, 2005 - Fax recieved stating vehicle insurance company has sent a check for $34,000 to USBanks to pay off the value of the vehicle. Copy of check included. IMMEDIATELY call Landers and fax them a copy so they may begin work on the GAP claim.

February 21, 2005 - Call received from USBanks stating payment is overdue on the loan. Though they received $34,000 - appearantly it all goes to principle. So even if you only owe another $3,000 - you must make your monthly $650 payment. Landers is called - Witty girl is assured that a check is IN THE MAIL to pay off remaining balance and not to worry about it. Worried, witty girl calls USBank and alerts them of the situation.

February 28, 2005 - Call received from USBanks stating loan payment is overdue on the loan. Deja vu. No no no, say I. Payment was sent from Beacon Gap to pay off the remaining $3,000. Notation is made in account. All assume check is still in processing.

Fast forward - though, let it be known, calls resume weekly from USBanks. Witty girl refuses to make $650 monthly payment because car NOT her responsibility anymore and GAP was notified IMMEDIATELY. . . they have had a month to make payment. Refuse to lower their responsibility from $3000 to $2350. That's what the $500 for GAP was for. Begin to show up at Landers on weekly basis DEMANDING action.

March 18, 2005 - discover GAP insurance made a payment of $900 to USBanks. What the bleeding hell is that about????? Payment went straight to principle. Now over 30 days late on loan payment ( by the way, is it not complete bullshit that the bank gets almost $35000 and is still so FUCKING worried about the other $2000 that they have to call me every day and RUIN my damn credit????). Return to Landers raising more hell and demanding GAP insurance information to contact them directly. Demands refused - state they will handle it. Anyone else starting to think that Landers screwed me and I really DONT have a GAP insurance policy and they are covering their ass??

March 25, 2005 - Call received from USBanks threatening legal action. Pissed beyond all reason now - particularly since credit is RUINED. BACK to Landers Demon Hell Spawn of Satan (notice name expands as anger does). They assure me they will personally mail out a check on Monday and then seek reimbursement from insurance company. No worries. Right.

April 15, 2005 - Call received from USBanks informing me that my credit is ruined, my parents credit (they had to cosign because I was finishing up graduate school and therefore unemployed at time of purchase) is also ruined and legal action will ensue. Giving up - I call my mother and tearfully ask her to intervene - seriously at this point - though, she had been calling Landers Demon Hell Spawn of Satan For All Time almost as often as I had been calling and appearing there. She calls the bank and Landers. The bank tells her it's not their problem and our credit is now ruined and they will not take the negative score off even is payment is made in full at this time. Landers is then cussed up wall and down the other and air mails a check overnight to USBanks along with letters stating their responsibility and demanding reinstatement of our credit scores. Landers Demon Hell Spawn of Satan for All Time even gives us the tracking number of the DHL package as proof.

April 16, 2005 - Checked DHL tracking number, was signed for at the bank at 9:30 a.m. that day.

April 18, 2005 - Recieved a call from USBanks demanding payment of remainder. Lose patience and scream that they received payment on Saturday and proof of it being received is available at the following website. Informed they would make a note of it on the account and contact me as soon as the situation was determined.

Considering this is April 18th, it is obvious that this story is unfinished. I am appalled that other people do not have to take responsibility for their jobs and that I am getting screwed in the process. Even more appalled that my parents are suffering as well.

NEVER BUY FROM LANDERS TOYOTA . . . . or Landers in general. Any establishment that large can obviously get away with screwing you beyond all reason. Bastards.