Friday, September 16, 2005

By popular demand

The year is 2000. The season is Fall. The driving is bad.

My brother is 16 and in the middle of a winning highschool football season. My friends love and support me, which means they also love and support my family. It also helps that the game is in Little Rock and we were all planning to go out to LR later that night anyway.

We all get decked out in our finest club duds (yep, we looked a little odd at the game) and decide that Birdie has to drive since, at the time, she's the only one with a vehicle big enough to hold us all - even if it is a little illegally. We have to have the one vehicle because we couldn't get more than one person to agree to be a designated driver.

However, Birdie is Captain Anal and Selfish (we all accept it and understand it) and won't let anyone drive her SUV while she's still sober. So she's driving to a destination she has no knowledge of. And, typical Birdie, she's driving there fast.

JA Fair highschool in Little Rock - ghetto capital (next to Central High). We are stopped at the gate by 4 young thugs who COULDNT have been more than 14. They tell dear sweet Birdie that it's $5.00 to park. Bullshit. And the occupants of the vehicle (3 females, 4 males) all yell to her "Don't pay the thug, drive! He'll move! It's not $5, it's a damn public high school!" Birdie, little skittish of Lil Bow Wow and his crew whips out the $5.

Now, we should know better than to harrass Birdie while she's driving. She already has a heavy foot, and when she's pissed it gets heavier. So we're all yelling at her about paying the punks $5 and she's flying through the parking lot. I'm on the floor of the cargo area of the SUV. Birdie fails to notice a speed bump. 7 heads hit the ceiling. 6 had FAR fewer feet to reach the ceiling, so when I slam down - I slam down hard.

It should also be noted I have LOTS of female issues. Some have been rectified by surgeries. This particular game was less than 3 months following a surgery.

So, I slam down and feel something dislodge and . . .well, um . . . . plop wetly into what were once a pretty pair of underroos.

"GODDAMMIT BIRDIE!!!!! YOU JUST MADE MY UTERUS FALL OUT BACK HERE!!!"

Car explodes into laughter, save Carol - my caring roommate - who looks back and says "Bitch, are you serious???"

Turns out, in the end, that it wasn't my uterus . . at least, I don't think it was. But the fact still remains, it could have happened.

What's sad is that that was the LEAST dramatic occurrence of the night. The VERY least.

We had a very dramatic college-hood. Full of fun and hijinks.

Damn, I miss those days.

4 comments:

Mandy said...

Hi, I was just blog surfing and found you! If you are interested, go see my Anti Worm related site. It isnt anything special but you may still find something of interest.

Adam said...

Hi, I've just killed Mandy, cut out her uterus and am posting it to you. Now you have a spare.

I've missed you young lady!

Bozo's Monkey said...

Umm, whatever those two dudes are talking. Just wondering if ya gonna update your blog anytime soon or not.

meghansdiscontent said...

I have missed you as well, Adam, but have much drama in my life at the moment. Will update as soon as I get a spare moment.

Dylan, yep, plan to update soon. But the best laid plans . . . .