Monday, November 28, 2005

Originally Titled: Can I have your vote for President?

So, I posted this like last April, but between Os's lack of memory for my cell phone numbers as license plate numbers and Steph's argument over on her blog, it's obvious I need to throw this out again . . . so here ya go, kids, enjoy!

Can I Have Your Vote For President???

Here are the items on my platform:

#1 - demolishing of the Welfare System as we know it. It will no longer be a free for all. I'm tired beyond measure of working my ass off to pay 50% of my wages in taxes so that I can support ignorant individuals who would rather sit on their ass and spit kids out of their nether regions than get a job.

The new welfare system would be as follows:

Resembling a student loan system, assistance would be available for only ONE nine month period. Throughout that period, persons receiving said assistance would have to provide proof every two weeks that they had applied to at least one job and made a genuine effort to obtain said job. Don't ask me what this proof would be - I just come up with the policies - someone else has to enforce them (I already sound presidential, don't you think?.

At the conclusion of the nine month period, said persons must have found a job. If they haven't, too damn bad. No more money, food stamps or medicaid for you.

Also, at this conclusion, you receive a notice that you have a 6 month grace period to get your finances in order. Following that period, you will begin making repayment to the government for the assistance you received. It will be a low monthly payment for the next 20 years (as I said, modeling the student loan system) with a higher interest rate because we had to support you to begin with. That interest rate must be no less than 7% and no more than 18%. These are the numbers that I just made up.

#2 - Youth sterilization. It is my opinion that some (approximately 50%) of the reason that we are in the welfare predicament to begin with is because people continue to have children when they are 14. Also, because they realize the more they spit out, the more money they get. Therefore, here is the plan:

All male children will receive a vasectomy at birth. Cool your jets, kids, vasectomies are reversible.

All women will be required to have an IUD implanted at age 11.

At the age of 25 - when these individuals have completed certain requirements, reversals can begin as can removals. What are the requirements, you ask?

A - Prove that you have held gainful employment for more than 1 year.
B - Pass an IQ exam - passing will be as easy as achieving a score of 100 or more. I would like to make the requirement higher, but I was told that was too harsh.
C - Pass a parenting class and receive a license to conceive. We have to have a license to drive, I think child bearing is SLIGHTLY more important than driving.

#3 - All license plate numbers will now be the cell phone of the individual who owns the vehicle. This is just a personal pet peeve. I want to be able to dial the idiot who cut me off doing 78 and yet promptly slowed down to 45 on the major interstate to know just how I feel about him, his lineage and the fact that I am quite aware he has fewer than 3 brain cells.

#4 - The legal age for drinking will be lowered to 16. Old enough to drive, old enough to drink. However, there is a stipulation here. People aged 16 to 21 will pay a 20% liquor tax - this should enable us to eliminate property taxes. Some may say this is unfair . .. however, these kids are already paying that much for alcohol. NO ONE has ever wanted alcohol (even 10 year olds) and not gotten it. They're going to get it anyway. And what they're not paying in 20% taxation, they're paying to Joe Blow College Student to buy them the alcohol to begin with. This is a win win for the kid and society.

#5 - All dry counties will be done away with. The concept of a dry county is just beyond all comprehension. Let's NOT allow people to drink here . . .let's make them drive 30 miles to get drunk so that they can drive back to their place of residence drunk as shit and kill everyone else who happens to get in the way. The death rate will probably go down considerably when you think about the fact that there is now just 3 miles between their drinking place and their home.

#6 - All drugs will be legalized. As with the alcohol, no one who has ever wanted drugs has not been able to get them. They always get them. Let's put this to our advantage. Place severe warnings on all drugs defining their side effects and future impairments to the body, so as to disallow anyone from suing the companies that manufacture them (think about how much money the tobacco companies would have saved); then tax them at a 50% rate. I'm relatively certain that over time, this may even allow us to get rid of income tax.

#7 - Gambling will be legalized. For the same reasons as the drugs and alcohol - anyone who has wanted to do it has done it regardless of the law. Let's make some money off of it. Also, it will be legalized in EVERY state. No more of this ignorant Arkansas bullshit about no gambling (thank you, ass crack of the bible belt, for your inherent stupidity) in the state. All that does is send people to Mississippi or Louisiana or any other state that allows lotteries or gambling thus driving our economy down by sending our money elsewhere. We need that economic boost. If the morons are ignorant enough to throw their money away, let them throw it to us.

There are many more policies I wish to enact, but this is good for now. Hope I have your vote.


Oswald Croll said...

I like where you're heads at but I must say, the Mob may have a thing or two to say about legalizing drugs and gambling. If you can drink at 16 and drive at 16.... why not vote?

You should have to register to have children. Like marriages. Being that giving birth effects a third party more than either participating party, someone should be watching out for them.

I love the license plate = cell phone number idea. I call Last-Call.


trueborn said...

Like the idea about the parenting liscence but it would never work. All people would have to say is one word, and it would all abandoned and chastized, that word after all is Nazi.
Yep, they had breeding camps and the like, and they killed people who they didn't think had good genes. Who decides? Is it just the people with the genetic disorders, the unemployed, and the stupid who are being eliminated here? Or is there a longer list involved?
If so, I'd love to see it just to make sure that I make the cut.

Jenni said...

If only the world were smart enough to understand and implement your new laws! While legal drugs worry me a bit, you are right, they get them anyway.


meghansdiscontent said...

Os - Voting at 16 works for me. However, I think that everyone should have to be an informed voter. I'm almost where I think you should have to take a test about the issues before you're allowed to vote one way or another. The test would be about the issue itself - NOT how you feel about it. I'm tired of people voting on crap they have NO idea about. There was a proposed amendment here at one time (thank God they took it off the ballot) to eliminate property taxes. AMEN, I'm all for it. But the fine print said that to do this they would severely cut all public library funding and state scholarships not to mention other things. EVERYONE I knew was going to vote for the amendment . . . until I asked if they read the rest of it - then they were all "I'm in college on a scholarship! We can't do that!!!" INFORMED voting.

True - Angel, are you hinting that I'm a Nazi? :) Seriously though, I don't know where we would draw the line, but we have to somewhere. We have too many children having children. And too many people who can't even take care of themselves having kids. I just want SOMEONE, ANYONE to take some responsibility. This would force SOME kind of responsibility. Even if it's flawed. And sweetie, I'm sure you make the cut. Just make sure the mother of your children does, too!

Jenni - Amen, sister! I used to feel the same way about the drugs . . but finally realized at least with government sanctions they would have to undergo some limitations. And, like I said and you verified - has anyone ever WANTED drugs and not been able to get them? - - NO.

trueborn said...

You a Nazi, never! But is what some will say, Dear Heart. Now as to the mother of my children, I too am taking applications:)
But that is besides the point; I've dated the vapid beauty, and I realized that I liked to talk much more than look.:)
Having said that,I tend to put stock in what my Grandmother, and my own mother have told me.
"Don't marry a supid woman. Intellegence is found on the womans' side of the genetic code"

Steph said...

Further proof that you are certifiable! And thats why we adore you ;)

meghansdiscontent said...

Thus far I am a Nazi and Crazy . . . where is the love, kids? Where is the love???

True - Angel, where are we sending these applications and what stats do you wish to read? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

And, by the way, your momma is a damn fine woman. Mayhap she should run for president!

Steph - Daaahhhling, if I didn't adore you so much, I might just be offended at your desire to have me committed to an institution. However, on further reflection, I see that you have offended us both - since you readily admit to being just like me! :) Muwahahaha

And with that . . . I suppose I must say "Sieg Heil!" and "They're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me away, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha, To the Funny Farm. Where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away, ha ha!" (someone better get those references!!!)

mrshife said...

Well you got my vote. Do you need a running mate? I figure our system is getting worse and worse and we are going to needs some revolutionary ideas to make things right.

meghansdiscontent said...

See people, Shife doesn't think I'm a nut or a Jew-slayer.

Shife - You offering???? I think instead of a Pres and a Vice there should be Co-Pres's. Wanna be a Co?

beachgirl said...

I am now convinced we were separated at birth... You are brilliant!!
I think there's a tear in my eye.. so proud....

I love it all, especially the cell phone thing...

You are too precious!!

Ang said...

I agree with your sentiment - and even some of your points (legalize drugs, lower drinking age) , and I hate to be the voice of dissention (is that allowed in your country??) but I am a bleeding heart, treeloving libral at heart.

somewhat-sober said...

omfg, australia needs you, then little johnny can copy all your ideas! winning deal!

meghansdiscontent said...

Beach - LOL, I wonder if you, Steph and I were triplets. Nah, I've seen her legs, and unless you can match . . . that girl has uber DNA that we lack.

Ang - Totally allowed. No problem. To each his own belief. Still love ya!

Somewhat Sober - Thanks for dropping in and Gosh, I really hope Australia needs me, because I sure as hell plan to be there (at least for a while) someday soon!

Eunuch said...

This is somewhere in between the ultimate Laissez-faire attitude of a libertarian, and a Nazi... You have no idea how much of this I agree with!!!!

Dirk the Feeble said...

I agree with you on everything except the IQ test to have children. This sounds like a great idea to people who are intelligent, but you can't penalize a person by taking away their right to procreate just because they aren't smart. Sorry, I just find that to be the most pretentious thing ever. Otherwise, good platform.

meghansdiscontent said...

Eunuch - Oh Thank God, a kindred political soul!

Armaedes - Yep, that's me, pretentious. I did the IQ thing because I want people to be smart enough to raise children. I know it's bitchy and cruel and possibly a non-issue, but it just made sense at the time . . and still does to me.

beachgirl said...

Yep- I've seen steph's legs and no I can't compete with that.. I'm not a cow by any stretch of the imagination but for goodness sakes... I grew up in a home where everything was fried and smothered in gravy, with a biscuit to sop it up with... Those habits are hard to break!