Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Repeat Performer

Had a very lazy friend (only because he's too lazy to search through the archives like I did) ask for me to post this again . . . and yes, I know it will offend a lot of you. Deal with it, be honest about it, and comment on it if you want. I'm all about constructive criticism or standing ovations, as long as they are honest responses.

Without further ado, I present the not so famous, uncut and unedited (save for #13, I added a VERY small comment and it's placed in italics to set it apart) post from May:

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

To Those Who Don't Know

1 - It's down on the right, up on the right. This goes for so many things. These include: roadways, supermarket aisles, stairways, malls, etc. If you are directionally impaired, I feel for you, but for the love of Christ, follow the others!

2 - It's not necessary to gawk at accidents. It's perfectly acceptable to look - WHILE maintaining a positive speed. We do NOT slow down to 30 mph on a 70 mph highway to look at the miniscule fender bender in the median NOT obstructing traffic. When you are ignorant enough to slow down to 30, you make others do the same and make me late for work.

3 - It's viciously irritating to see people who think the world owes them something. We all have problems, we all have a past, and yet most of us still get up every morning, go to work and pay our own bills. We also don't walk obscenely slow in the middle of the road and then glare at the people who actually expect to DRIVE in the road (what a novel idea). If your great grandfather was a slave, I'm so sorry. But you can't blame me. I wasn't even around. And don't think about suing for remuneration - as a whole, you've been compensated greatly through welfare, medicaid, foodstamps and the like. And no, I'm not just talking about African Americans. I'm also talking about children of indentured servants and the white trash of the world who think that the employment office is just somewhere to hang out to show welfare that you're trying.

4 - Ignorance is not amusing. I don't find it funny that a 30-year old honestly fills out the "sex" blank with "mail". I am not laughing when I read that someone had a "full service" instead of "full term" pregnancy. Oh, and if you're wondering why your child failed the language tests so miserably - - you're right, he probably doesn't have a language disorder, and doesn't need therapy - - what he needs is a new environment and to be raised with someone with an IQ greater than 12.

5 - If your kid is 4 years old and is still shitting in his pull-up (WHY IS HE IN A PULL UP??) and not telling anyone, that is YOUR failure. I know 2 yr olds with severe Downs Syndrome who are potty trained. Get off your lazy ass and teach your kid that being 4 and not potty trained is embarassing. You might even want to spank him once in a while.

6 - 2 cars that do not operate, a trash can, old living room furniture and a rusty bike are NOT considered to be lawn "art". You're dirty. You're lazy. And you should be eliminated from society. What you do IN your own house is your own business. But don't make me look at it and don't bring down my property value.

7 - Don't tell me that you don't have auto insurance because it's too expensive. It's too expensive because morons like you don't have it and then the insurance companies have to shell out thousands of dollars when you hit me.

8 - Explain to me how you can have no job, have welfare, medicaid and foodstamps, and drive a 2005 Lincoln Navigator. Because I need that hook-up.

9 - Bankruptcy is not a catch all. You can NOT buy anything and everything you want and then declare bankruptcy so you don't have to pay for any of it. I love the new bankruptcy laws. I just wish they hadn't put that 180 day waiting period for it's initiation on the bill. That just means that all the "I deserve this" people are putting a rush on buying their new jet ski, Escalade and Gucci shoes so they can file bankruptcy before the Republicans ruin the game for everyone. (damn the man for wanting you to PAY for the things you WANT, what nerve!)

10 - If you can't spell the word, or at the very least explain the meaning of it, don't use it in your speech. You just sound like an even bigger idiot than I already knew you were.

11 - Most serial killers have IQ's well above normal. Most are even above 150. Appearantly they just get so fed up with the stupidity that they do their part to eliminate it. Is it bad that I actually think these people are needed? I applaud their efforts. God knows I have my own share of homicidial urges (particularly in rush hour traffic). Thank you for doing what I, myself, am unable to do.

12 - Despite what we've been led to believe, this country was not meant to have an "income tax" system. Paying money for what you've worked to earn is ridiculous. Though I know where this came from, I don't see why we can't send it back.

13 - I applaud the homeless almost as much as I do serial killers. At least they're not draining society by opting for every single social program out there. I also don't feel as sorry for them as I should. And if you're honest, you don't either. Don't tell me you don't see some of them on the road holding signs and think "You put yourself there. You weren't born homeless. Why didn't you do something?" Because, regardless of what you hear, you CAN get a job. Maybe not once you ARE homeless. But when you had a home - you could have gotten a job. McDonald's is hiring all day, every day. Lower your cost of living. Move out of that $750 a month apartment into a $300 a month apartment. You can afford that on minimum wage if you get a roommate. All of this is assuming that you're not mentally or physically disabled, in which case your family should have helped you as much as possible and then it is the government's responsibility to do what they can.

14 - You want to say I'm wrong and that you don't think these things . . . but you do.


ju | ie t said...

So much hate in you, isn't there?

Adam said...

I think they are really quite valid.

Young Meghan, I know a Speech Language Pathologist in Melbourne, Australia. She works with primary schools and has the best holidays out of anyone else I know. Do it. Do it.

muffin said...

I agree with the majority of these. The minority I can't go into right now because I am so hungover I can barely string a sentence together.

meghansdiscontent said...

Hung-overedness (see, Adam, I can invent words too) is a perfectly acceptable reason for not disagreeing immediately. Take your time, Muffin. But do disagree when you can. I would love to hear your view.

So excited. :)

auburn said...

I don't know what a PULL-UP is, and in Australia we stay on the LEFT.

But to the rest of it, *cheers*...

Ju|ie, it's not hate, it's frustration!

Steph said...

Am so adding those to my "rules for the world" book...now to find a publisher.:)

Jenni said...

I have to admit that I'm more than a bit impaired when it comes to #1. I'm really bad about not giving a damn which way people are traveling down the isle at the grocery store. Not long ago a voice at Wal-mart said to me, "You're going the wrong way in traffic,arent you." I have to admit, I totally wanted to smack her. Sorry, I know it's me, not anyone else.
I love #4!!! I work with the public too and it's really frightening how many morons are circulating around us.
And lastly, #11 completely creeps me out. Serial Killers are ICKY.
I really enjoyed reading them all!

meghansdiscontent said...

Auburn - a pull-up is the most heinous invention EVER. It's a crutch for kids, basically. It's NOT a diaper and it's not panties/underroos. It's a diaper that they are in control of - they can pull it up or push it down. It was meant to be a middle ground . . . unfortunately its SO not because it absorbs like a diaper so they aren't uncomfortable and never learn that peeing in their pants is a BAD thing.

I'm much more a fan of rubber pants. Let them walk around immersed in 2 inches of pee for an hour and they'll learn to go potty.

Steph - perhaps we should contact publishers immediately about your rules. I saw several people today who desperately needed your help. And if you would add my piddly comments (or hateful depending on whose comment you like) I would be endebted to you.

Jenni - I think all of us want to smack people when they make us feel like the idiot we are. We're all entitled. :) Serial killers ARE icky, but . . . umm, yeah, so I kinda believe in some cases that they do a public service for us. Don't you have at least one person that you think if they would fall off a cliff, I wouldn't cry too much.