Sunday, November 20, 2005

(Sonny and Cher music) And the List Goes On, And the List Goes On

Does it ever stop?!?!?!?!

58. I can’t mow my own lawn. Literally, CAN NOT. This is for a couple of reasons: 1- Because we discovered when I was 13 that I am allergic to manual labor. No, really, I promise. I break out in what looks like hickeys all over my body. It’s called “Progressive Pigmented Perpura.” It happens when I overly exert myself. What’s odd is that I have NEVER broken out while playing sports. And I’m ultra-competitive so you KNOW that I really am exerting myself. 2 - Because I leave crop circles in my lawn and my neighbors. Literally. I have no idea how to turn a mower to make straight lines. I always make big circles in the lawn and they look like crapola.

57. I have a maid. She comes once every other week. This is because even though I CAN clean, I HATE to do certain things. Like dust and vacuum. HATE it. My house is always spotless anyway (because I’m a neat freak), so I just pay someone to take care of the incidentals. I used to feel bad about having a maid. However, now I look at it in a positive light. I’m giving someone a job. I’m helping the economy. This does not make me lazy, it makes me benevolent.

56. If I ever lost my job, I would be screwed beyond all reason. I added it all up the other day, and even cutting out all the incidentals, my bills each month total almost $4,000.00. And before you judge me, look at the breakdown a bit: House Payment $800, Car Payment $900, Health Insurance $350, Retirement Plan $400, Student Loans from Graduate School $200, Utilities $200, Natural Gas $50, Consolidation Loan for the debt I acquired from NOT being able to work because of the two car wrecks $750. And the list goes on and on.

55. I am self-employed. I started my own company when I was 24. This is good and bad. Good because I make my own schedule, do what I want when I want and never have to take crap from anyone but me. Bad because the government treats self-employed people like bastard step children. We pay more taxes than ANYONE. And we pay 17% of our yearly income into Social Security. Also bad because if I am sick or injured, I have no income. There is no sick leave, no paid vacation, no nothing for the self-employed.

54. My favorite book is The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I used to read it at least twice a year, but I’ve dropped off to once a year. It’s amazing. You really should read it.

53. I’ve never dated anyone younger than myself or my same age. In fact, all the men I’ve ever dated have been at least 5 years older than myself.

52. I plan on having at least three surgeries next year, if I can save up the money to pay for them all - - since my health insurance won’t pay for anything. I am going to have a hysterectomy. I am doing this because my reproductive system is the base for all my medical problems and this could circumvent all that. Also, because the chance I could ever bear children is minuscule at best - so why keep everything that is making me sick for an off chance? I may or may not freeze whatever eggs they find in my remaining ovary. At the same time as the hysterectomy, I am going to have a lapband. This is similar to gastric bypass in that it cuts off a portion of your stomach. In my case, we will probably cut off 2/3. My doctors are torn on this. Technically I’m not near overweight enough to consider this surgery, but my body’s insulin resistance is quickly making my weight rise. Therefore, this would be cutting that weight gain off at the pass while allowing me to lose the weight I’ve already put on. The third surgery is a breast reduction. I’m tired of back aches. The third surgery may not be necessary if the lap band and hysterectomy work – the weight loss may make my breasts go down as well. I doubt it though, even when I was “thin”, I had huge breasts.

51. I am VERY big on being on time. I don’t understand how or why people are late. If there’s a catastrophic car accident and you’re stuck behind it, okay. Power’s out and your alarm didn’t go off, sure. Anything else makes NO sense to me what-so-ever. You knew what time you had to be there and you didn’t allot enough time to get ready and be there, it’s your fault. My friends KNOW that if I’m not 15 minutes early, then I’m probably not coming at all. If I didn’t call, you should start calling the police to search the roadways. I’m dead somewhere or have a flat tire (of which I have NO idea how to change).

50. I hate to have my hands dirty. Hate it. When I weed my landscaping, I wash my hands about every 5 minutes. The dirt and grime drive me crazy.

49. As a general rule, I hate gifts. Mainly because they make me feel as though I am weird beyond reason. This is because my friends and family rarely purchase a gift I actually like. And that makes ME feel inadequate because I wonder, “What have I done or said to give these people the impression that I would like something like that? They’ve been to my house 100 times, they’ve seen me dressed everyday, does this gift even look like my taste??” So bad gifts don’t anger me, they make me doubt myself. I realize this is a VERY odd reaction.

48. I dislike MOST flowers. And by flowers, I mean the pretty ones arranged in vases that you are sent in the hospital or for a special occasion. The exceptions are: Calla Lilies, Tulips and Black Roses.

47. My favorite artist is Gustav Klimt. This concerned my mother for a long while, since all of his best work is of nude females. She even once asked if it were possible I were gay.

46. It is completely impossible that I am gay. I love men and sex far too much to ever be gay.

45. I don’t trust men in the South that don’t drive big trucks or SUVs. I blame my father for this. I was just always taught that if a Southern man didn’t drive a big ole’ truck or an SUV the size of an Army tank that he was girly and therefore unworthy. Oddly enough, I don’t feel that way about Northern or Western men, nor do I feel that way about men from other countries.

44. I listen to music as much as possible. Though not because I love it (which I do), I listen to it constantly to drown out my own thoughts. If I’m singing and having to remember lyrics then I can’t think about everything else in my life. It’s called (bear with me, I made this up) loud, chaotic peace.

43. I lie to my friends. Not about important things and not a lot, but I do. Mainly for one reason - to avoid going out. I have periods where I am just completely anti-social. I don’t want to answer the phone, I don’t want to answer e-mail and I don’t want to go to a bar, dancing or even to dinner. I don’t think my friends (Birdie can vouch for this) will be satisfied with an “I don’t feel like it” response, so I lie and say I have other engagements.

42. I love fish. But only if it doesn’t taste like fish. I hope that makes sense, because there’s no other way for me to explain that.

41. I used to love kids. All kids. Every kid. Loved them. Adored them. Sought them out. After spending two years working with spoiled brats that tell me they don’t have to listen to me because I’m “white”, I am losing my affinity for children. And quickly.

40. I hate carpeting. It’s hard to keep clean, it doesn’t look as nice and putting gorgeous decorative rugs on carpet just looks silly. When I have the money, I am going to redo all the floors in my house. Right now, the options are a dark hardwood floor, ceramic tile or staining the concrete slab. I love concrete floors.

39. I am not very religious. I don’t go to church at all. I am very spiritual. I believe there is an omnipotent being. In my mind, that is God. But I don’t think Buddhists or Muslims or Catholics or any view of a god is wrong, per se. I think God presents himself to every individual in a way that they can relate and understand him. Now, having said that, I think the Mormons are from Mars. I will never understand anyone who believes their religion started out with a man reading the writings of an angel through a seeing stone in a hat. That’s too much like aliens.

38. I think tapered legged jeans are the worst thing to happen to the fashion world. A close second is colored jeans. No one looks good in hot pink denim. DENIM. Scary. (Oh, and please, don’t buy anything with pleats at the waist either, this is as bad as having a tapered leg. Flat front pants only, please - especially men.)

37. I don’t understand why they make ANYTHING spandex or lycra above a size 8. Even size 8 people don’t look good in that stuff. Included in this should be my befuddlement at the fact that they make bikinis up to a size 3 X. Why tempt fate??? If you didn’t make these things, obese people wouldn’t buy them.

36. I will never understand why people, men in particular, have such a hard time matching their belts with their shoes. Why would anyone wear a brown belt and black shoes? Or vice versa.

I like the fact that 36 is divisible by 3s. I like the number 3. I have no idea why. But that’s a good enough reason to stop today.


BEVIS said...

Ha! I love it!

I wish I had more time to comment, but I'm about to head home to Wifey (and you can't keep Wifey waiting!).

It's 5:25pm, and I actually finish at 4pm ... I've been here way past my home-time as it is.

Anyway, I'll comment more tomorrow, but for now: Fantastic!

Adam said...

Um, Meghan, were you aware that we may just be the exact same person on the inside?

Jenni said...

I heart 51 !!! LATE PEOPLE SUCK!

meghansdiscontent said...

Bevis - Babe, get your butt home to your wife on time!!! If I had someone that loved me enough to want me around all the time, I'd friggin BE THERE! :)

Adam - You want a breast reduction?? Oh wait, you said INSIDE . . .. INSIDE. If that's true, does that mean that you, Steph and I are sister, sister, brother? Because we have already determined we are cut of the same cloth -- or DNA if you will.

Jenni - (imagine the coke music from the 80's) I'd like to buy the world a clock . . . .

trueborn said...

Three is the magic number!
Great song too. Damn you just made me download it from i-tunes.
Okay am listening to it now. From the old school house rock days, you know? Conjunction junction whats your function?!!!

meghansdiscontent said...

True - "I got 'and', 'but' and 'or'. They'll get you pretty far."

Steph said...

37,38,39,40 and 43. Agree wholeheartedly! You say it so well too.

meghansdiscontent said...

Steph - Thank you, Thank you, I'll be here all week. (and I take tips!)

TFS said...

Explanation for number 36: I own one pair of good work shoes that I paid a fair bit for. They are black. I am not buying a brown pair because there are too many other things to iPods. That is why I wear a brown belt with black shoes.