Thursday, November 03, 2005

Such the Little Hypocrite Am I

Yeah, so . . . here's the skinny.

Gorgeous, gorgeous would never ever have a chance with successful intelligent boy. The man is sex on legs. He's also football addicted and we're politically on key. ohmigoshithinkiminlove.

Problem - boy who is fast becoming a close friend is a little TOO honest and open with me. The other night we were discussing the problem with dating people. Then we moved into the kinds of people we date. He described his emotional and intellectual ideal. Check and check - me to a T. He described his physical ideal . . beautiful eyes - check, dark haired - salon induced, but check, good teeth - last time I checked, I wasn't of English descent, so check, nice breasts - oh holy buddha, check, between 125 and 150 pounds


Umm, nope, so not me. Not even in my wildest dreams me. A) because to achieve that weight I would have to sacrifice some necessary limbs and B) if I was that thin I would tip over thanks to my "nice breasts".

So I put ALL thoughts of anything more than a good friendship out of my head. Okay, so not completely out of my head, but out of my conscious thought.

Last night, we are watching football together (via IM because my phone is dead and I refuse to drive to his place) and the following conversation (cut and pasted, thank you archives) ensues:

Oh wait, you need some background info and a warning - this conversation is SLIGHTLY really long. So if you're not committed to reading it all, stop now. Matt is divorced and has been so for about 2 years. He's still so emotionally stunted that he can't commit and thinks of committing or even moderate relationships as "baggage". I am just out of a year long relationship and NOT looking for a new one, but wouldn't mind finding a really great guy that could EVENTUALLY develop into one. Oh, and I'm not into casual sex (haven't ever had it) but this boy is making me think of things . . trust me. And so, without further ado:

meghan: Whatcha been up to?
matt:oh, just working... working to much
meghan: Well . . . stop that
matt: I know
meghan: Go have yourself a good time. Do something to get hung over. But remember to drink water and take aspirin. Sunday was NOT a good day.
matt: lol.... I need to remember to do that.. Doesn't help that I'm horny as hell also
meghan: Great Heavens, son, get yourself some.
meghan: SURELY you know SOMEONE who you are good enough friends with, but that you don't necessarily like too much, that you could have a strictly sexual relationship . . and then not mourn when it ruins the friendship?
meghan: Maybe that's a bad plan.
matt: no, I kinda like that plan lol
meghan: Well . . . here are the steps:
meghan: 1 - Identify the pseudo friend
meghan: 2 - Wine her, possibly dine her
meghan: 3 - Make sure she's semi-lonely at the time so you can talk her into it
meghan: 4 - Make her feel sorry for you . .. so young, so cute, so intelligent, so celibate
meghan: 5 - Jump her bones
matt: lol
matt: that' all it takes huh
meghan: That's what I hear. I have heard TONS of guy friends describe this same plan in various fashions. Almost ALL of them succeeded in it.
matt: Every girl I try that with wants to hook me for some longterm deal.. Get's old lol
meghan: Poor baby, being so good that women want you for keeps. It must be horrid to be so desireable.
matt: at least your lucky
meghan: Sweetie, I haven't been laid . . . umm . . well, in a while.
meghan: I keep forgetting what celibacy feels like. I now remember why I jumped into a bad relationship. I think the fact that my nether regions were atrophying sent me into an emotional tailspin and made me vulnerable to a man that didn't like football.
matt: nether regions... haven't heard that in a while.. Poor baby.. If your not getting laid then you know how I feel right now.. In a slump
matt: I could call two girls right now but I don't want everything else that goes with it
meghan: You poor thing. You're flying solo. Has your right arm gotten significantly bigger than your left yet?
matt: how did you know I was right handed? I haven't written in front of you.
meghan: What is wrong with the world?? Every guy that asks me out wants some long term relationship . . . every girl that asks you out wants the same thing . . . why can't these people find each other and leave us normal commitment phobes alone?
meghan: I've been watching through your window. . . or, the more probable, like 90% of people are right handed. I had a one in ten chance of being wrong. Played the odds. Vegas, here I come.
matt: ya, way to got out on a limb there
meghan: Such a double entendre there.
matt: damn, you have been looking thru my window
meghan: Sweetie, if I'd been looking through your window I would probably be significantly less sexually frustrated.
matt: you need to tell me to come over so I can come look thru yours
matt: what time is bath time
meghan: LOL
meghan: 4:50 AM . . .. and if you're THAT sexually frustrated . . baby, even I'd take pity on you and find some hooker on Asher who'd do you for a fiver and a wing/leg snack pack from KFC.
matt: no, it hasn't gotten 4:50 am bad yet
matt: would have to be really bad for that
meghan: LOL
matt: but mention asher hooker
matt: and suddenly I'm not so excited
meghan: Welcome to my weekly mornings. Actually . . just 3 days a week, but whatever. How did you think I managed to work 10 hour days?
matt: hard working woman
matt: I guess I will go get some porn and have some fun
meghan: You're breaking my heart here.
meghan: You can't HONESTLY tell me that there's not 100 women who are willing to do you??? I can think of 3 we know right now.
matt: I'm sure there are, I'm just having trouble finding them right now
matt: driving me nuts
matt: looking for something without the baggage
matt: I guess that is what is hard to find right now
meghan: None of your other friends have friends
matt: I just want to find someone to have crazy wild passionate sex with, without them calling 3 times the next day
matt: what are you doing.... ok, just wanted to call
matt: you know what I'm saying??
meghan: When did women get so crazy . .
meghan: Or so ho-ey
meghan: I was always taught that the MEN should call
matt: I don't know
matt: If I had the answers i wouldn't be sitting here about to explode
meghan: LOL, poor baby. But you know what, it sounds like you're fishing here.
meghan: And if I didn't know better, I would think that you were trying to get me to bite your bait
matt: you could bite my bait, but it wouldn't be your favorite thing to bite
meghan: LOL
matt: your so cute, why don't you have a regular right now
meghan: Honestly, because I can't deal with the baggage and I don't do casual. I was doing my ex for a while . . but he's all in love and stuff. So that had to end. Anything else would be too much like a one night stand unless it was with a friend.
meghan: And baby, cute - AMEN, intelligent beyond all reason - I'm your girl, sports addicted - Hell Yeah. But most of the men I know I have a friendship with that I don't want to screw up. As for starting to date someone that I might sleep with eventually, well all the guys I meet lately . . to be honest, they're like you -- Mr. I date women between 125 and 150 lbs.
matt: I just want someone to laugh with and have a good time with on night like tonite, when I can't walk lol
meghan: I still find it hard to believe you don't have one of those . . . ?
matt: I told you I do, but both would call me... They were both girls that I dated and we broke up... but the sex was good, especially with one of them
matt: she would be here in 30 minuts if I called
matt: but it's not fair to her because she then expects something more
meghan: Okay . .lay down for me what you're looking for. Bar none. Complete honesty.
matt: looking for in what? Marriage, sex, positions, spread offense v. wishbone ???
meghan: In your "friend with benefits" . . . you obviously don't want a girlfriend or, some things that you say make me think this, even a friend. You want no strings sex when and how you want it but without any kind of emotional toll to yourself?
matt: wow, that sounds bad huh
matt: no, I just don't want "clingy"
matt: I can have friends
meghan: Umm . . it can be done the right way. But NO girl is down for being some guys dirty little secret or some guys beck and call girl.
matt: what about a guys friend that has a good time and has sex with him
meghan: If that's what it really was - yeah, you could probably find a girl that was willing to do that . . . but . . .
meghan: Something I hate about women, deep down they ALL think that "he's going to change just for me" . . . "he doesn't think he wants more than a few dates and some sex, but he'll see how great I am and fall in love and I'll move from friend with benefits to girlfriend to fiancee to wife"matt: you got it
meghan: The truth of it is, that rarely if EVER happens. Men are normally quite up front about what they want.
meghan: And they don't change.
matt: the old saying is that women get married hoping the man will change and men get married hoping she won't
matt: very true words

The BOLD is why I'm a hypocrite. I KNOW that about women. I know that the few who are willing to try the casual sex thing are the type that think they can change a man.

SAD SAD SAD part is . . . for this boy . . oh my lord, I'd almost be willing to try. NEVER had a casual sexual relationship in my life. Never slept with someone I hadn't been in a relationship with for a while. STILL think I would try for this boy. 1) because I miss sex 2) because he's perfect (save for his VERY narrow view of beauty in the thin only) and 3) because . . . brace yourself . . . some part of me thinks he could really fall for me and I could change him.

Berate me at your will. God knows I'm doing it to myself. How can I be SO SMART about how stupid women are and YET still apply those same thoughts in my own life??

Lord, keep me out of this man's bed. I don't want to slake his lust and break my heart.


Jenni said...

You can be intelligent all day long but then this little annoying thing called a "heart" will override any and all logic. It's dangerous ground you are treading on here. The romantic and adventerous part of me says "Go for it!" Another part of me wonders if it's possible to insure the heart, to receive payment and replacement upon breakage. Odds are not in favor of the heart. Odds are in favor of a limited amount of physical pleasure.

Steph said...

If you're gonna do it, check your heart at the door. Go in with the full knowledge that it's JUST going to be a booty call.

You're braver than I.

BEVIS said...

Take it from me, that boy WANTS you. He isn't simply flirting with you, he has tattooed the words: "Gimme some of that lovin', woman!" across his chest.

... Metaphorically speaking, of course ...