Tuesday, November 22, 2005

TA DA . . . The End

Aren't you guys glad that this is all out of the way now??
Also, I'm mightily impressed that the majority of you have limited your questions to private e-mails to me. Hmmm. . . a secretive lot you are.

Drumroll please. And now the final 22 things about me.

22. I could jump the lead singer of Audioslave on his voice alone. OH . . . MY . . . . GOD! He could be two feet shorter than me, look like a frog, have a pelt on his back and I would still want to throw him down and lick him. Period. WHERE did he get that voice??

21. I have a horrid habit of secretly hating my mother for being so judgmental of me. I realize it’s because she loves me. Yes, she is my best friend. But if she tells me one more time “I know how hard it is for you and how it’s all medically related, but you really need to get at least 20 lbs off.” and then hands me a box full of chocolates, skittles and cookies, I swear I’m going to bludgeon her in the head with a baseball bat.

20. I’m addicted to horrible TV. In fact, I ration myself to it. I ONLY allow myself to watch it on Sundays. So, between football games, you can picture me watching MTV nonstop for the crappy reality shows like Real World, Laguna Beach and My Sweet Sixteen. Oh, so sad. Someone save me from myself!

19. I love heights. I am terrified by heights. When I went skiing I would go to the top of the mountain and then refuse to look down. I’m a freak. I deal with it.

18. I would probably be a nymphomanic if I could reconcile it morally with myself. As it stands, I can’t do the one night stand thing or sex with a person I just met thing. I wish I could. I love sex. I miss sex. Immensely. Terribly. I’m getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

17. I missed the first week of graduate school because I got Chicken Pox . . . Again. Ah, the joys of working as a preschool teacher to get yourself through grad school. I now know why you get chicken pox as a kid . . because it’s HELL as an adult. My friends finally duct taped oven mitts over my hands so I couldn’t scratch myself.

16. I’m a beer girl. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could be a Cosmo girl. I think it was having all male friends. I grew up doing tequila shots and beer while watching football. I love it, but sometimes I wish I could be the girl in the corner with the Cosmopolitan and the ability to discuss manicures instead of the girl out front discussing the Steelers drinking a Corona with a lime (even if I am stylishly dressed with snazzy shoes while doing so).

15. I think I’m becoming more ignorant as the days pass by. I used to think I was fairly smart and intellectual. But since finishing graduate school, I think I’m dumbing myself down. When I read, I read non-fiction exposes and fiction crap instead of the philosophy and classics I used to love in college. My conversations are more “How ‘bout them Steelers?” and “Can you believe Katie is pregnant by Tom?” than “Do you believe in performing tasks for the greater good, or is selfishness truly a virtue?”

14. I don’t think I will ever marry. I hope I will find someone whom I love more than anything and who returns the emotion, but as I’ve gotten older, I doubt it highly. And the sad part is, this has ceased to trouble me. Que sera sera.

13. I hate pity. I hate when people pity me. There was this real ass of a guy that worked for one of the daycares I frequent for work. Everyday he would watch me struggle with two ton bags filled with therapy toys and my keys to get into the building then into the therapy room. Suddenly, because I was hit by a car and in a wheelchair and then on crutches he was rushing to open the doors and carry my bags. Eat shit and die, if you couldn’t do it before, don’t bother now - okay??? Okay.

12. I love dark, stormy days. I love bad weather. Particularly when accompanied by cuddling on the couch under a big blanket and watching old movies.

11. I hate basketball. I hate the NBA. I think they’re all a bunch of thugs.

10. I want a huge house, the size of Twelve Oaks in Gone with the Wind. I want to put tons of gorgeous furniture throughout it. I want to pay for it all myself. I don’t want any help. But I would take a Rhett Butleresque man saying “You should be kissed . . and often .. . by someone who knows how.” And possibly a few kids to put crayon marks on the furniture to give it character.

9. I want to be accepted for who and what I am. I am tired of living up to everyone else’s expectations. I don’t want someone to love me for who I might be, I want them to love me for who I am.

8. I have never let anyone too close. I have secrets from everyone. I have friends that no one will ever meet. I have secrets no one will ever know. It scares me to think of certain friends or family members finding out some of the things I have done, said or thought. Terrifies me in fact.

7. My teeth go numb when I’m drunk. Neither my friends or family can tell when I’m drunk because I don’t slur my speech, trip over myself, or any of those normal “drunk” things. Here’s a clue, if you see me tapping my fingernails against my teeth . . . you can be relatively sure I’m drunk.

6. I make movie and song quotes all the time. And no one gets them. Probably because my taste in both is pretty obscure. Or because no one pays attention to lyrics. Either way, I really feel like no one gets me sometimes. (Side note: On the drive home from a friend’s tonight I rocked out to the following playlist: Elvis - Suspicious Minds, 50-Cent - In Da Club, Fiona Apple - Criminal, Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl, Milli Vanilla - Blame it on the Rain, Abba - Dancing Queen, Clint Black - Like the Rain - - scary, I know - - wonder why no one gets my references)

5. I secretly (oh God, I’m going to regret telling this to anyone) long to be a soccer mom. It’s why I probably bought a big SUV. I dream of being married to a guy who wears a tie and makes enough money to support me raising his children. I want to load them all up and deliver them to various practices, then meet my husband in his office on his lunch hour, give him a quickie and then go get the kids. Dear God, what is wrong with me?

4. I hate being told what to do. Hate it. Unless I’m in the bedroom. I have NO idea what’s going on there. I could speculate that I’m so IN control of EVERYTHING else in my life that I need to have that ONE place where I have no control . . but who knows. As I’ve said before, Freud would have a field day with me.

3. I was told once that I was a bad catch. That because I was “more intelligent and more successful” than most guys (I was told this by a male friend) that I would probably never find one that wanted to marry me. What if I start to believe that . . .

2. I sometimes wonder if I’ve ever really been in love. I wonder at times if I just tell myself I loved Golden Heart boy so I don’t feel like the freak who has buried her heart so deeply that no one can ever touch it. Other times, I know I loved/love him because I feel it so deeply that I want to scream in anguish, cry for days and then move to Canada to wrest him from his loving wife. (NO! I would NEVER actually do it!)

1. I don’t know that I like myself. I wonder why I expect other people to like someone who can’t even reconcile who she is to herself. In person I project this really self- assured/self-confident image so that no one knows deep down I will probably always wonder if I’m good enough.

SO now you know far more than you ever wanted to know about me.
Have no fear, posts will now return to normal.


TFS said...

I just read the list from start to finish, and all I can say is WOW! what a list!! Bloody awesome read, and I get the feeling that there's enough for several more lists! ;o)

And ditto on #6. Only mate I've ever had who recognised them and could equal me was Kieren, but he lives back in SA and we hardly get to talk what with the time difference and emailing just isn't the same. We actually had a bit of a contest over the two years we hung out together constantly, no idea who one, but we'd come out with a random quote out of the blue...and usually if you didn't get it, it was your turn to buy the next few rounds. Ah...the good old days :o)

trueborn said...

I'm still cracking up about the carpel tunnels crack! LOL Damn Girl!
I too have read your wonderous journey to number 1, and I have a couple of observations/things you ought to know.
From reading about you, you sound like an absolutely incredible person who just so happens to be her own harshest critic. Honey, you know what you want to do, you're young, you're smart, and you have a plan. That is more than can be said for eighty percent of humanity at the moment. So love doesn't roll the way it's suposed to. So what? It's not your fault for others not seeing that you are indeed a "catch" it is theirs.
You like football, old movies, and sex.
Where do I sign up? :)

Jenni said...

Love Chris Cornell!! Lick him for me too! I love the stormy/cloudy days too...hence my blog name. Ax is a big movie quoter too...if I had a dime for every time I said, "What movie is that from?", I'd be friggin rich. Also, I secretly want #5 too. And you WILL find him...eventually, when you least expect it.

mrshife said...

That is a pretty solid list, and I am glad I got to read it. I really think #9 is awesome. Be true to yourself and stick to your guns. You should not lower your standards or values just to cater to someone else. Life is too short to be stuck with someone that makes you unhappy.

ty bluesmith said...

interesting. i may have to do that myself

meghansdiscontent said...

You guys are all so sweet!

TFS - start to finish?? Quite an undertaking . . you're still AWAKE?? And you're probably right, I could write forever about my odd little quirks, but who would want to read that shite all the time??

True - Alright, Nurse Boy, you of all people should understand the true dangers of carpal tunnel . . . I'm not sure I can even bowl anymore. Damn the need for manual stimulation. However, thank you for calling me an incredible person -- and you're right. I am my worst critic. It keeps me grounded. As for where to sign up:

All applications for position of Mr. Discontent may be sent to: bmg1876@hotmail.com. Make certain to include height and yearly salary. :) (giggle, giggle)

Jenni - Amen, sister! That boy's voice . . I just can't listen to Audioslave alone or who knows what could happen. Nor should I listen to them when I'm alone with a male. So glad that your husband is as freaky as I am. Treasure that man!!

Shife - Thanks for taking the time to read it and thanks for your admiration of #9. For a while, I thought about settling, but why should I. You're exactly right!

Ty - I wish you would. Latt, too. You kids fascinate me.

(NO offense. I call EVERYONE kid . . . probably because I feel like I'm about 80 yrs old inside sometimes.)

Ang said...

mmmmm Chris Cornell - that lovely man with his lovely voice has been contibuting to my carpel tunnel syndrom for many years now!!

I am a quoter/referencer too- songs,movies, books. I worry that it means I have nothing original to say...well I don't really worry too much!!

Steph said...

Meghan i think i have a crush on you!!!
Number 20. I just LOVE mtv reality shows. Worst tv ever and i adore it.

18. Toooo fucking funny!!

16. I wish i could drink beer.