Aren't you guys glad that this is all out of the way now??
Also, I'm mightily impressed that the majority of you have limited your questions to private e-mails to me. Hmmm. . . a secretive lot you are.
Drumroll please. And now the final 22 things about me.
22. I could jump the lead singer of Audioslave on his voice alone. OH . . . MY . . . . GOD! He could be two feet shorter than me, look like a frog, have a pelt on his back and I would still want to throw him down and lick him. Period. WHERE did he get that voice??
21. I have a horrid habit of secretly hating my mother for being so judgmental of me. I realize it’s because she loves me. Yes, she is my best friend. But if she tells me one more time “I know how hard it is for you and how it’s all medically related, but you really need to get at least 20 lbs off.” and then hands me a box full of chocolates, skittles and cookies, I swear I’m going to bludgeon her in the head with a baseball bat.
20. I’m addicted to horrible TV. In fact, I ration myself to it. I ONLY allow myself to watch it on Sundays. So, between football games, you can picture me watching MTV nonstop for the crappy reality shows like Real World, Laguna Beach and My Sweet Sixteen. Oh, so sad. Someone save me from myself!
19. I love heights. I am terrified by heights. When I went skiing I would go to the top of the mountain and then refuse to look down. I’m a freak. I deal with it.
18. I would probably be a nymphomanic if I could reconcile it morally with myself. As it stands, I can’t do the one night stand thing or sex with a person I just met thing. I wish I could. I love sex. I miss sex. Immensely. Terribly. I’m getting carpal tunnel syndrome.
17. I missed the first week of graduate school because I got Chicken Pox . . . Again. Ah, the joys of working as a preschool teacher to get yourself through grad school. I now know why you get chicken pox as a kid . . because it’s HELL as an adult. My friends finally duct taped oven mitts over my hands so I couldn’t scratch myself.
16. I’m a beer girl. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could be a Cosmo girl. I think it was having all male friends. I grew up doing tequila shots and beer while watching football. I love it, but sometimes I wish I could be the girl in the corner with the Cosmopolitan and the ability to discuss manicures instead of the girl out front discussing the Steelers drinking a Corona with a lime (even if I am stylishly dressed with snazzy shoes while doing so).
15. I think I’m becoming more ignorant as the days pass by. I used to think I was fairly smart and intellectual. But since finishing graduate school, I think I’m dumbing myself down. When I read, I read non-fiction exposes and fiction crap instead of the philosophy and classics I used to love in college. My conversations are more “How ‘bout them Steelers?” and “Can you believe Katie is pregnant by Tom?” than “Do you believe in performing tasks for the greater good, or is selfishness truly a virtue?”
14. I don’t think I will ever marry. I hope I will find someone whom I love more than anything and who returns the emotion, but as I’ve gotten older, I doubt it highly. And the sad part is, this has ceased to trouble me. Que sera sera.
13. I hate pity. I hate when people pity me. There was this real ass of a guy that worked for one of the daycares I frequent for work. Everyday he would watch me struggle with two ton bags filled with therapy toys and my keys to get into the building then into the therapy room. Suddenly, because I was hit by a car and in a wheelchair and then on crutches he was rushing to open the doors and carry my bags. Eat shit and die, if you couldn’t do it before, don’t bother now - okay??? Okay.
12. I love dark, stormy days. I love bad weather. Particularly when accompanied by cuddling on the couch under a big blanket and watching old movies.
11. I hate basketball. I hate the NBA. I think they’re all a bunch of thugs.
10. I want a huge house, the size of Twelve Oaks in Gone with the Wind. I want to put tons of gorgeous furniture throughout it. I want to pay for it all myself. I don’t want any help. But I would take a Rhett Butleresque man saying “You should be kissed . . and often .. . by someone who knows how.” And possibly a few kids to put crayon marks on the furniture to give it character.
9. I want to be accepted for who and what I am. I am tired of living up to everyone else’s expectations. I don’t want someone to love me for who I might be, I want them to love me for who I am.
8. I have never let anyone too close. I have secrets from everyone. I have friends that no one will ever meet. I have secrets no one will ever know. It scares me to think of certain friends or family members finding out some of the things I have done, said or thought. Terrifies me in fact.
7. My teeth go numb when I’m drunk. Neither my friends or family can tell when I’m drunk because I don’t slur my speech, trip over myself, or any of those normal “drunk” things. Here’s a clue, if you see me tapping my fingernails against my teeth . . . you can be relatively sure I’m drunk.
6. I make movie and song quotes all the time. And no one gets them. Probably because my taste in both is pretty obscure. Or because no one pays attention to lyrics. Either way, I really feel like no one gets me sometimes. (Side note: On the drive home from a friend’s tonight I rocked out to the following playlist: Elvis - Suspicious Minds, 50-Cent - In Da Club, Fiona Apple - Criminal, Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl, Milli Vanilla - Blame it on the Rain, Abba - Dancing Queen, Clint Black - Like the Rain - - scary, I know - - wonder why no one gets my references)
5. I secretly (oh God, I’m going to regret telling this to anyone) long to be a soccer mom. It’s why I probably bought a big SUV. I dream of being married to a guy who wears a tie and makes enough money to support me raising his children. I want to load them all up and deliver them to various practices, then meet my husband in his office on his lunch hour, give him a quickie and then go get the kids. Dear God, what is wrong with me?
4. I hate being told what to do. Hate it. Unless I’m in the bedroom. I have NO idea what’s going on there. I could speculate that I’m so IN control of EVERYTHING else in my life that I need to have that ONE place where I have no control . . but who knows. As I’ve said before, Freud would have a field day with me.
3. I was told once that I was a bad catch. That because I was “more intelligent and more successful” than most guys (I was told this by a male friend) that I would probably never find one that wanted to marry me. What if I start to believe that . . .
2. I sometimes wonder if I’ve ever really been in love. I wonder at times if I just tell myself I loved Golden Heart boy so I don’t feel like the freak who has buried her heart so deeply that no one can ever touch it. Other times, I know I loved/love him because I feel it so deeply that I want to scream in anguish, cry for days and then move to Canada to wrest him from his loving wife. (NO! I would NEVER actually do it!)
1. I don’t know that I like myself. I wonder why I expect other people to like someone who can’t even reconcile who she is to herself. In person I project this really self- assured/self-confident image so that no one knows deep down I will probably always wonder if I’m good enough.
SO now you know far more than you ever wanted to know about me.
Have no fear, posts will now return to normal.