Tuesday, November 22, 2005

An Update of the Out of Date

Umm . . yeah.
SO on the phone with Mr. Clean, talking about airport coffee.
Talk moves to the kids I work with.
I express my exhasperation with children in general, of late.
He drops a bomb. Actually several bombs at once:

"I have three kids." (BAM!)
"I want at least six more!" (BOP!)
Mental side note here - umm, he's not Catholic, why does he want to single-handedly field a football team with his off-spring?? It's not the fifties!! We don't need that many to pick cotton and allow us to keep our two room house.
"I don't know that I could be happy if I didn't have more kids of my own." (BOOM)

Yeah, so time to have the talk.

"Well, then I suppose you should know that I had a tumor. I only have one ovary now. It is rather unlikely that it will be easy, if at all possible, for me to become impregnated. In fact, I have been contemplating removal of all reproductive organs to reverse medical problems the tumor has caused."

Dead silence.

"So this means if we did start sleeping together, I wouldn't have to use condoms, right?"

Is it just me, or did his attractiveness drop by half with that statement?
And before you ask, NOPE he wasn't joking.

19 comments:

Dirk the Feeble said...

LMAO, oh yes, that guy is AWESOME! I would totally give up my desire to be a father in exchange for never having to use rubbers again!

Jenni said...

I tuned into your site with roses and rainbows in mind and I get this?!! Now I'm getting looks because I'm banging my head against my desk. Why can't some smartie out there invent something that would allow us reach through the phone line a SLAP THE LIVING SHIT out of a person? Huh, huh, why not, WHY NOT?!!!

mrshife said...

Probably not the best thing to say after your statement.

Beachgirl said...

Oh for the love man! I think I dated that guy- what a jerk... Do you think they take a class on being that stupid?? Hang in there sister!

janestarr said...

OMG, I am....wow--I think I would have just hung up the phone. Holy crap, I think my blood pressure just went up!

meghansdiscontent said...

Arm - How did I KNOW you were gonna appreciate that? Particularly after yesterday's post on your part!

Jenni - Think we could work on inventing one of those? I'm game. I'll even throw in all the cash for development.

Shife - Umm. . . yeah, that was my thought.

Beachgirl - I'm sure we've ALL dated that guy . . WONDER why he's divorced, being such a sympathetic and unselfish soul.

Jane - how sad is it that I didn't hang up the phone?? Afterwards, I was so like DAMN I should have hung up on him, but at the time I was just so shocked that this seemingly intelligent, articulate, attractive person could say (and MEAN) such a thing that I couldn't react appropriately.

Show of hands (or fingers, maybe the middle one?): How many people think I should strike him from my address book?

Oswald Croll said...

9 kids......he wants nine? Is that even possible? Pass the Hemlock please.

meghansdiscontent said...

Os - Possible, umm, sure, Probable?? NOT out of any orafice of my body! If I spit 6 out, even a couple courtesy stitches wouldn't fix the damage.

I like sex too much to reduce any and all friction by becoming a walking Folgers can.

Jenni said...

Meghan, It seems as though the only option is to cross him out of your book with a quickness. How could a person possibly redeem himself after being such a callous jerk/moron?!

mango said...

OUCH. God some people are just unbelievable aren't they?

And... 9 kids? Hello - are YOU going to have them all cos there's no way in hell I'd go through nine pregnancies?!

Have you spoken to him since? Maybe he is regretting what he said? Maybe it just came out wrong?

meghansdiscontent said...

Jenni - I think I'm with you. I have told myself he has two chances to redeem himself. He just failed one of them.

Mango - Just got off the phone with him, NOPE didn't come out wrong. He even brought it back up and said something to the effect that "That's great! It's been so long since I've enjoyed sex because condoms kill all the feeling." So:

A - Who said I would sleep with you to begin with?

B - Are you nuts? Even if I WOULD sleep with you, we know VERY little about one another, why would I trust you're not carrying diseases?

C - Yeah, so I still have ONE ovary . . . would I take the risk of baring a child that might turn out like YOU?

muffin said...

So...That smidgen of faith I had left in the male race? Is now gone.

trueborn said...

Good God Almighty!
This man is what he seeks: A boob.
I am Irish, I am Catholic, I am one of eight children. Yes you read that correctly.
Do I actually want my own army? Sure what self respecting male wouldn't
but....
Come on man. Think about the woman for once in your life.
You can't expect many women with advanced degrees these day to become baby factories.
Christ.
This guy is a waste of genetic material, and what the worst part is to me is that he has no idea.

meghansdiscontent said...

Muffin - Sweetie, don't be like that! There are GREAT guys out there, really. Honestly. Like our own Adam, True and Chairborne. Like my Golden Heart. Like some of your friends' (you must have these, I do) husbands. We will find them. Hopefully all these BAD guys just make us appreciate the right one that much more when he comes around.

Having said that . . I may move to Australia, visit family in West Virginia or fly to Iraq just to be certain that these guys really are the choice men they appear to be. (wink, wink)

True - With the right guy, with the right working equipment, with the promise of a fabulous doctor to reinstate the previous shape of my . . .region - I would LOVE to have a lot of kids. BUT - in this economy, with my medical history ,with that moron - none of that is feasible.

He is an ASS. Guess I just learned what his ex-wife already knew.

Steph said...

What a FUCKING Loser!!!!!!!!! OHHH don't give him a second thought. He's still swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. So imagine his kids anyway! Spawn of SATAN.

meghansdiscontent said...

Steph - Babe, he's not even worth cussing about. The man has issues. Deepseated, need charts and powerpoints to explain them issues.

Chairborne Stranger said...

Ha ha, I'm ready for a visit-Baghdad is nice this time of year-also, did you know I'm grew up and my family is from West Virginia as well?

meghansdiscontent said...

Chair - Well . . hmm . .. then I guess that settles it. West Virginia it is! If it produced such great specimens as True and yourself, why wouldn't I go. Plus, it's a SHORT drive. Versus a plane ride, and we all KNOW how I feel about plane rides.

Walter said...

What a total DONKEY!