Saturday, November 19, 2005

Wooo Pig Sooiee!!

Another little hiatus from the list.

Just got home from the Hogs game.
My head hurts SO badly.
Mainly because I'm far to overzealous at games and I tend to: scream, yell, stomp, dance around, high five EVERYONE in my section, heckle the opposing team, heckle the refs, heckle our own coach because he's a moron, etc.

It probably also hurts because I can't eat before a game, too nervous. Gah! You would think I was going to be on the field handling the ball. Scary.

Anyway, I was proposed to (does this sound familiar Armaedes?) by two guys sitting near me. When I giggled (probably the only girly thing I do at games) and asked, "Umm . . . what makes you ask?" They both went into long tirades about exes who couldn't bear to be in the same room with a football game on the television let alone be at an actual game. I can't say I was shocked, I've heard about these women. Hell, I've even read about these women on blogs. So . . this is for you ladies:

A - A little football never hurt anyone. WATCH the game with him once in a while. You expect him to drag around shopping (fellas, I'm with you, that sucks) with you or watching a chick flick . . why can't you watch one little game with him.

B - Be a student. And a quiet one at that. Let him teach you what the game's about. I've seen some of you out there - you wouldn't know a holding call from an illegal procedure call if they flashed it in neon lights above the refs heads. Some guys, in fact most of the ones I know, would find it cute and endearing to teach you about the game. Let them tell you what's going on. What positions people are playing. What people are playing those positions. Ad nauseam. But DON'T interrrupt the game to ask questions. Wait until a time-out or quarter breaks or half-time. Asking questions during the actual plays will serve not only to annoy him and have you banished from the room (or stadium) during game time, but will also get you bitch slapped from those around you who are also trying to watch the game. Also, as part of the student gig, get him to teach you how to properly spiral a football. I count the hour that a certain male taught me proper grip and toss of the football as one of the best of my life. It requires LOTS of personal contact . . . and if by the end of it, you aren't lying on the living room floor kissing one another until you can't breathe, I'll give you a dollar.

C - Two words ladies - TIGHT PANTS. Even if you can't make yourself like football for the game (and, personally, I think you're really missing out), you can always admire muscular men in tight pants. Holy buddha, the butts on some of those guys. I almost fell out of the stands today because I was paying such close attention to the particularly luscious hiney of Peyton Hillis. When else is your man going to give you carte blanche to stare at men's . . . assets?

D - It's rather addictive in the end. I've spent so long (thank you, daddy and various uncles) watching football that it's as though I'm family with some of the teams. I know most of the player's names, their positions, their injuries, their stats, even their family situations. I can rattle off coaches, records, rankings, standings and everything else. Sometimes it's a bad thing - like today when I'm watching the game in front of me and checking my cell phone every five minutes for the score of the Vanderbilt/Tennessee (ALRIGHT VANDY!!!) game . . . but other times it's like watching your favorite TV show or reading your favorite book - you can't help but feel excited and heart warmed and involved.

E - If for no other reason (and it's sad that I'm stooping to this level to get you ladies to watch a game!), think about it like this. If you're single - - you will ALWAYS have a conversation topic FEW other women can boast. You watch a few games, get a little knowledge under your belt, and mention to the hotty bartender something simple such as "The Steelers are still doing pretty well, but we really need Ben back at quarterback. He had such a presence on the field." Even if you have NO idea what you are talking about, most men will blink and then say "uhh (the uhh is necessary because they're shocked that you're approaching them and that you know what football is or who Ben is) . . . uhh . yeah! His injury has had a big impact on the team. You just like the Steelers or you into the Colts, too?" INSTANT conversation starter.

If you're in Austraila, I have been led to understand that Soccer is the sport you should brush up on. IF your only goal is to meet men or have them adore you - then, by all means, brush up on soccer. But (sigh), I am afraid I never could get into the game . . probably because my mind is completely on football.

I have to go now. The headache is reaching epic proportions . . and the Nittany Lions (YEAH! PENN STATE!) are playing Michigan State.


Steph said...

LOL,Soccer is only hawt right NOW! Real men play Rugby Leauge. Which is similar to your game but without the padding and all the stop/starting.:)

meghansdiscontent said...

Steph - We really should have those DNA tests conducted. I'm relatively certain we share genes.

The public at large - You should never trust a man who doesn't like football/rugby league. I've dated three of them . . they were all crazy. I think they were missing a Y chromosome somewhere. I mean this. Really. I do.

Anonymous said...

All the alcohol in the world can't change the fact that Football is a boring game. Liking football is some kind of mental defect.

It's like Janga with pigskin.

"You take a ball from the end field and you run it to the front. You pile on the quarterback and you start to dry hump." Try singing that out loud to "Put the Lime in the Coke, You Nut"

meghansdiscontent said...

Interesting point of view. Opinions are like assholes . . . fill in the blanks.

Chairborne Stranger said...

Ha ha--football rocks-go Steelers, Ben will be back, anon-your comment stinks, sorry but true.
Meghan you rock.

Ang said...

I let a lovely Irish boy teach me about rugby, and I havent regretted since. I now can go down to the pub with my new (South African) crush and impress him to no end when I shout "knock on!!" Although I am not an avid follower of any one sport, a few beers with boys over a game is inevitably a good time.

Adam said...

Soccer?!? What the? We won't be hearing from that puppy again for at least 8 months.

Rugby League? Steph, you're so freakin' Sydneyish. AFL is where it's at lady!

michellesarah said...

I'm with Adam on this one - soccer is just a phase, a phase... it's our close relatives England that's soccer-mad! We'll get knocked out the World Cup 1st round, almost guaranteed, and everyone will go back to their normal footy.

Which for Sydney and probably Qld is Rugby, and the rest of us like a bit of AFL. I usually hate watching sports, but I can definitely sit through a game of Aussie Rules Footy! And I reckon the AFL physique (sp?) is the best sporting body out. Hmmmm yummay.