Didja miss me?
I missed the hell outta you guys.
Which is odd, but we’ll save that for a different post.
I promise to catch up to all your blogs, as best I can, as soon as possible.
But I'm still flooded with family here . . and having a blast, but it leaves very little time for internetting about.
So, I’ve received both emails and comments clamoring for fun Christmas stories . . . and I’m torn on what to post.
On the one hand, the one about my father is HILarious, but it is entirely possible that it’s only THAT funny because I was there and he’s my dad and you had to see his face.
On the other hand is ANOTHER story about how my family is pressuring me to get married. Hmm, works for now:
Less than all the family, thank God, is gathered at my aunt’s house.
We have a MINUSCULE 32 people at the house for Christmas.
That is truly tiny. At last count, my dad’s side of the family has 71 people. Actually, more than that if you count . . . never mind. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you. Welcome to the South.
My grandmother hugs my neck as we are about to leave and then immediately starts in:
“Meghan Louise, you do realize that you are the last granddaughter I have who is not married? Hell, Meg, my great-granddaughters are married. Why do you keep playin hard to get? When are you gonna let one of those young men catch you?”
By this time, I have had IT. I am UP TO HERE with being told to get married, procreate, build a fence, buy a dog and live that American Dream. For the love of Buddha people!!! I am 25, not 45!!! I have plenty of time. And unfortunately I take the past 4 hours of being told to do these things out on my poor Mamaw:
“Mamaw, I am NOT a Rainbow Trout! I am a woman! With her own business, a house, a nice vehicle, a future! I am not something that needs to be dragged out of the river by a big ole burly man! But . . . if it’s that much of a concern to you, tell ya what, start looking for me a big ole burly man. And if you find the one with the biggest pole, I’ll let him reel me out of the water on his hook! Does that work for everyone?” (notice the double entendre there . . . big pole . . . ha ha ha, right? - possibly completely inappropriate for my 80 yr old grandmother)
By the end of my little tirade, I’m screaming. I don’t mean for this to happen, but for Pete’s sake, the whole damn family had been hammering at me for the last 4 hours! And it’s not like I enjoy watching my younger cousins with their spouses and babies. Yes, admittedly, sometimes when I’m around all of them, I feel like a failure and I get on the defensive. What is wrong with me that I haven’t wanted to settle down yet?? But most of the time, MOST of the time, I feel perfectly happy and justified in the life I have. Every once in a while though, I have to take out my anger at being jealous and being nailed to the wall by 30 family members about my marital status out on someone.
But, this story is not over.
10 minutes later, my shit wit cousin’s friend (who knows why he was at our Christmas gathering, but we loved having him - - he’s a hoot) comes strolling up the sidewalk with a Rod and Reel. Apparently he had gotten one for Christmas and it was out in his truck.
“Meg, this a big enough pole for ya?”
“Oh bite me.”