Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Indebted

So I made a bad decision last night.
I know that.
But I did it anyway.
For whatever reason, I felt indebted to Mr. Clean for the roses.
Which, incidentally, are still at Chris’s house.
A guy shouldn’t have to spend $400 on a girl to get her attention.
And I feel like I drove him to doing that.
So I agreed to meet him for lunch today.

He got back into town around 11:00 last night.
He called and apologized for calling so late.
But said that the moment his plane touched down in Little Rock, all he could think about was calling me.
Now I know these are all lines. I do. Honestly.
You guys have clued me in completely.
I’m aware.
But I owed him a lunch.

So we meet for lunch.
And I feel like an idiot.
There I am - hot pink scrubs, Nikes, hair screwed up into a semi-twist, barely any make-up, no jewelry save for the diamond studs in my ears and a fish watch that one of my kids gave me last Christmas.
There he is - gorgeous suit, french blue starched dress shirt, silk tie, perfect hair, beautiful smile.
There the restaurant is - too expensive and filled with people dressed like him.
I felt like the double-wide trailer in the middle of the million dollar housing district.
But it was a work-day, damnit.
I had no choice but wear scrubs.
I’ve made the mistake TWICE before not wearing scrubs.
Once I was thrown up on and the second time one of my kids got a nosebleed while he was in my lap.
I was NOT ruining good clothes to go on a pity lunch.

Lunch was really awkward.
I thanked him for the flowers last week.
I thanked him (yes, I neglected to tell you bloggers about this, I had a bit more on my mind this week) for the flowers he sent on Monday and chastised him about the Bear.
Yes, a bear.
To a 25-yr old.
A big, white, fluffy now relegated to the floor of one of my therapy rooms Bear.
Who sends a bear to anyone over age 14????
So after the thanks, there wasn’t much to say.

Small discussion about his business trip to France.
Awkward silence.
Small discussion about my business’s expansion and the troubles I’m having with the Little Rock School District.
Awkward silence.
“Wow, this food is really good.”
Awkward silence.

You get the picture.
So, I started my internal monologue.
“This is great. No one could possibly think that we would ever see each other again after this. This is horrible. We can’t even talk because we’re so uncomfortable with one another. We’re clearly avoiding the whole sex conversation where he stuck his foot not only in his mouth but about 5 inches down his esophagus, as well. This will be the natural death of what should have ended before he even went to France.”
Woo-hoo.
Right?

Lunch ends, he walks me to my vehicle, we’re saying goodbye, and then . . . .
“I know I haven’t earned this, but can I kiss you?”

Side note to the boys/men who read me: Asking a girl if you can kiss her is sexy as hell. Sometimes we just want you to be all caveman and just grab us and do it, but other times, like in this awkward situation, the quickest way to melt our hardening hearts is to ask us.

“Yes, but a chaste kiss.”
Yes, I’m a loser and really did say that.
LOSER.
It’s okay though.

Ladies and gentlemen, my toes curled. It wasn’t a chaste kiss, but it also wasn’t a “I’d throw you in the back of your SUV and bang you until your head came off” kiss either. It was one of those long, slow, shallow kisses that makes you think of soft sheets and laughing in bed together. It was sweet and comfortable and melting. I was dizzy. DIZZY.

And that’s when it hit me.
Yes, he’s hot.
Yes, he’s what I’m looking for. . . . .kind of.
He’s not it.
He’s not the one.
Even if he does make my toes curl.

And then he ruined it.
He stopped kissing me, leaned over to where all I could do was inhale his cologne (Acqua Di Gio - OMG, my favorite male cologne!) and whispered, “I don’t want you just for sex. I swear.”



Obviously referring to the ONLY phone conversation we had when he was in France.
Where I told him I really felt that sex was all he wanted and that I wanted more.
Not just from him, but from anyone.
I can’t do just sex.
I wish I could.
But I can’t.

For a minute, I melted all over again.
And then I remembered my own advice.
If a guy has to declare that he’s NOT something . . . or that he IS something . . . then that’s a bad, bad sign.
Never trust a man that says to you “I’m a good guy.”
Never trust a man that says to you “I’m not like other guys.”
And now, a new one to add; Never trust a man that says “I’m not after you for just sex.”
If their words have to speak for them, it means their actions are against them.
And I trust action more.

So . . . I’m not seeing him again.
Period.
Even if I still smell like him because we were so close that his cologne rubbed onto my scrubs.
Infatuation is not true emotion.
Not seeing him. Gonna tell him tonight.

That’s the right thing to do, right??
Help.

48 comments:

Barry S. said...

Wow - very discriptive writing...you write quite well.
If you ever talk to him again, remind him of the quote from Twain et al:

"Better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt."

BTW, you mentioned scrubs and therapy? Are you in radiation therapy? The reason I ask is that I have been in the medical field for 13 years now...mostly doing MRI scans. Now, I work in a medical research facility.

meghansdiscontent said...

Barry - Hi! Good to see a new name! And no, I'm not in radiation. The closest I get to the Imaging centers are when I have to do swallow studies on one of my patients. Yummy, barium. I'm a speech language pathologist.

Thanks for the compliment about my writing though! However, this is SHITE compared to the actual WRITING I do. This was just venting/begging for help.

Adam said...

Lady, I think you need to tell this dude asap that it's over.
He's hot and he's smooth and he's been relying on those qualities to make lovin' with the ladies his entire life. He has them down a fine art.

Which is good, but after that, what else do you have? Did you find dinner revealed a wealth of common opinions, or interests, or passions? Did he make you laugh? Were you impressed with his intelligence?

Leave him to pursue a chick that is just after some sweet lovin' or one that isn't strong/brave/cluey enough to know that sex doesn't equal love.

You require more.

Adam said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
trueborn said...

Gee.
I just wrote a thing on trust for my blog, and I guess I'll turn it around for you.
Do you trust him?
The awkward silence is never good. That usually means that you have nothing to talk about, in my experience anyway.
The thing is, whenever I have one of those wonderful epiphanies I take them to heart. He's not the one. He isn't it. Do you want to get caught up in making him so? Is it worth the conflict and possible hardship if he does want you just for sex?

That was a terrible move on his part by the way. That dude may be good looking, but he sounds slightly dimwitted. If I'd made a blunder like that, I'd avoid all mentioning of it like the plague. But maybe that points out to another part that is troubling, he doesn't seem to realize that the comment bothered you. And if he can't pick up on that, how can he be expected to pick up on major stuff down the road?
I say boot his dreamy ass to the curb.

PS pink scrubs are sexy:)

Chairborne Stranger said...

Ok, True and I are in agreement, pink scrubs are sexy. He knows-he's surrounded by nurses.

2nd, women are such creatures of emotion-that's always so wondrous to me.

Well, other than that, I still think he's a newly divorced player

But I told you you'd have new stories for your blog if you saw him again!!

Steph said...

I don't think he's smooth at all. He's a buffoon! He says the dumbest things EVAR! he obviously has not paid his brain bill this week.

You do deserve better.

Oswald Croll said...

On the chance of looking and sounding like the geek I am, I am stealing a line from Fox Mulder..... Trust No One. Especially fools.

meghansdiscontent said...

Adam - Such a good comment you had to post it twice. :) Seriously though, the thing is this . . before he said that assinine comment on the phone, we got along famously. He is extremely intelligent, well-read, we have common interests, our opinions vary but give us something to banter around and yes, he made me laugh. BUT the comment killed all the conversation and now I'm just so angry around him that I refuse to carry a conversation.

But you're right, I deserve more.

True - Read your blog. No, I don't trust him. At all. I addressed the silence issue in what I said to Adam. But you're right, he should be smart enough NOT to bring it up . . . unless, Beachgirl says he brought it up because he's truly sorry and wants my forgiveness. Thoughts????

As for my pink scrubs - BOY, you just have a medical fetish, admit it! You just want someone to take your pulse with her tongue!

Chair - LOL, sweetie, I'm going to start wondering if you have the same fetish True does! But glad you boys like scrubs. Some of us girls have to wear them everyday . . and I didn't think about it, but the drawstring does make them extremely easy access for . . . whatever. :)

Yes, we are VERY much creatures of emotion. Which makes us VERY neurotic at times and EXTREMELY over-analytical. Oh . . and a lot of the time, we think EVERYTHING is about us . . even when it's not. It sucks. Hence the reason I keep telling True that women are stupid. We are. We're stupid. I said it, I stand by it.

And you're probably right, he's a player. Damnit.

Steph - He does say some of the dumbest things ever. Particularly for his age. I keep dating these older men thinking they've had time to get their shit together and are in things for the right reasons and intelligent and articulate . . and I'm always wrong. Maybe I should start dating men my own age. Or younger. My brother has some fraternity brothers that are sex on legs. Hmmm . . . .

And I do deserve better. We all do! Someone should come up with a screening process so we can stop wasting our time on these losers.

Steph, you're all about questionnaires and memes . . . since you dared me - I'm totally draing you. Come up with a completely original "So you want to date me . . ." list of questions for potentials. You do that and I will take your dare and write about one of my most intimate moments.

Wow, I just made a hella long comment.

meghansdiscontent said...

DAMNIT!

I knew as soon as I posted that someone was going to sneak a comment in on me.

Os - You, as always, have hit the nail on the head. Trust my Penn State pal to give me concise advice. Brevity is key. Thank you!!!

Barry S. said...

Gotta love the barium! I work with speech pathologists now, too. We do stroke studies and the dr doing the study is a speech pathologist.
I cannot wait to read some of your non-Shite writing!
Have a good one...

janestarr said...

Don't do it!! I know he is sexy and intoxicating, and that can be a lot of fun. But if a good time is not the only thing you want, don't do it! Everytime he says something it makes me cringe. I just get a bad vibe about this one.

Kate said...

I always say that I'm not going to give people advice, but....... yes absolutely try dating younger men. :) What I mean is don't limit yourself to a type. Trust me, love doesn't always come from the direction you think it will. Don't be distracted by the chemistry thing; you can have that even if you don't really like someone.

Steph said...

Am so taking you up on that. As soon as i get a spare minute i shall do it ;)

trueborn said...

Medical fetish huh?
Well I can definitely do worse than women in the medical feild, at least I know that they can take care of me when I;m an old codger.
As for what beachgirl said, well I don't know. If it was me, I'd never bring it up, I'd work around it, or I'd damn well try. The fact that he brought it up might mean that it really is all about sex. But then, sex is good. I could use some myself at the moment, but thats besides the point. Sincerity I think you would pick up on, from what I've read, it doesn't sound that way at all. It seems like he's trying to cover up his blunder with a blitzkrieg in the hope of dazzling you.
I don't know. Maybe men in AR do it differently than us northern boys.

Adam said...

A lot of my chick friends get me to screen, I'm a bit alright at it. Megs, next time you've got a boy that needs to be screened, tell him to take you on a date to Melbourne. That'll sort the men from the boys.

Sorry about the double postage, I was too too excited!

meghansdiscontent said...

Barry - I miss stroke studies. I loved everything to do with my neurology cases. It's the ONLY reason I miss the hospitals.

Jane - I think you're quite correct! But damnit, my toes curled. I can't decide if it was just severe sexual attraction following a drought or honest animal magneticism . . . hmmm hmmm hmmm.

Kate - LOL. Thank you for the advice. However, my mind can't separate itself from my heart and my mind says "Those younger boys don't even have goals yet, the older ones are stable and more settled, go for them - you won't have to support them financially!" But you're quite correct about the chemistry, damnit.

Steph - That-a-girl! Rise to the ocassion! I hope things lighten up for you soon, love!

True - Cutie pie, you're quite correct. Us ladies with medical knowledge will keep you alive when you get older, or kill you off surruptitiously when we decide you've made enough money for us. :) KIDDING. I'm about tired of the so called "men" in AR. And is WV really "Northern"????

Adam - LOL, my knight in shining armour. I adore that you wish to protect me from thousands of miles away. It is why I cherish you so! I will be certain to set my next date in Melbourne. (PS - if I'm celibate for that long, the date will be with the pall bearer at my funeral, because I will kill myself - anyone know a necropheliac??)

Eunuch said...

"newly divorced player" Yuck, not me, but the "newly divorced" part sure is.

Toss him...he's too blockheaded to realize a good thing when he sees it.

Kate said...

Now not all younger men. :) Sorry, I'm kind of partial to them. I was 24 to my husband's 21 when I met him. And a boy at 21 is what, about 18 in girl years. It took me a year to figure out it was okay to date him.

trueborn said...

Huh.
Good question.
I'm originally from Maryland, but Lincoln suspended the writ of habeus corpus so that he could throw the Maryland legislature into jail cuz they wanted to secede and join the confederacy. West Virginia on the other hand did not exist until the Civil War, it was created during it. But I believe the Mason Dixon line is above Maryland, but they & and West Virginia fought on the Union side the entire civil war. So according to what I remember MD was a slave state w/ the south, and WV didn't exist until 1863, but both fought against the south.
So what does that make them?
I guess we're Mid Atlantic. Not north, not south, but confused.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging....

beachgirl said...

Despite what everyone says, I am sticking to my guns.... One dinner, that's all... Bring up the comment, get his reaction then make an assesment after that...

For heaven's sakes, it's a free meal if nothing else and didn't you say he was HOT!!?

Do whatever you want, but I just wanted to put my stuff out there...

janestarr said...

Like I said, if the point is to have your "toes curl," than he's your man, just know what you're getting into. I think you do, so if you feel like playing with the blockhead, bat him around a bit and eventually you'll tire of his redundancy and find a real playmate. Just have some fun, I certainly take dating too seriously, don't you do the same ;)

Barry S. said...

Guys do say dumb things (a lot), but if you have a bad feeling, it's best to get out and start looking for someone where you feel more comfortable, because there are plenty of guys out there who will make your toes curl...ahem, some of us are better than others, though...lol

Hope it isn't snowing too much wherever you are - we are supposed to get 5-7 inches in the northern KY/cinci area!!

Chairborne Stranger said...

Well, whatever floats your boat-just remember to get a good dinner and some nice gifts out of it-shit-if he's buying, I could use some new running shoes-LOL!

Jenni said...

I say NO NO NO....dump him! All he wants is nekedness...go with your gut, Meghan! You know this.

Chairborne Stranger said...

I must admit, I agree with Jenni, I mean, nekedness isn't a bad thing, LOL, not judging or anything-just my .02 cents!

muffin said...

Meghan, this guy sounds as though he is trying to buy your affection and get you into bed. Stay the hell way from him!

I recently cut of a guy who sounds very similar. He was all about the dinners etc. But, when it came down to it he just wanted to get in my pants. Not. Going. To. Happen. It's like he was trying to guilt trip me into it by buying my things. That I owed him something. Whatever. You dont owe anyone anything unless you want to!

I totally agree. If he had to justify himself to you out loud then he probably doesn't belive what he is saying is true. "Im a good guy" translates into "Im really a bad guy."

Goodbye Mr Clean.

muffin said...

Meghan, this guy sounds as though he is trying to buy your affection and get you into bed. Stay the hell way from him!

I recently cut of a guy who sounds very similar. He was all about the dinners etc. But, when it came down to it he just wanted to get in my pants. Not. Going. To. Happen. It's like he was trying to guilt trip me into it by buying my things. That I owed him something. Whatever. You dont owe anyone anything unless you want to!

I totally agree. If he had to justify himself to you out loud then he probably doesn't belive what he is saying is true. "Im a good guy" translates into "Im really a bad guy."

Goodbye Mr Clean.

angel, jr. said...

I don't know. Maybe he really is a good person.
Maybe you should go out with him again.
I kinda just want to see how this will play out.

trueborn said...

ooooooh ooooooh my turn!
Pile on!
Us armchair quarterbacks just want the best for you Meg. So what if we're a little zealous (rhymes w/jealous), I hope that you know that you have a nice little fan club in the blogosphere (or whatever they call this place) and that we're pulling for you no matter what you decide.
pfft. Medical fetish.......

Kate said...

And we'll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Ang said...

ok, I gotta get my 2 cents worth in..(keep the change!)

I am all for toe curling, I am all for sex. I even like 'caffine free' once and awhile...

This guys comment was more than crude. It was horribly insensitive. I could forgive him for wanting to shag you, but thoughtlessly belittling something you have gone through is just rude!!!

So you know where my thoughts lie on this one...it may have been a nervous response, not knowing what else to say, but nothing would have been better than that!!

beachgirl said...

Hey everyone- talked to Meg last night.. she went in for surgery at 6 am this morning... She said she would call me or have someone call me when she got home... She's got a ton of family there to take care of her... I will post an update here as soon as I get it!!

beachgirl said...

Just heard from Meg- and she is out of surgery and resting at home...

Kate said...

Thanks Beachgirl.

trueborn said...

Get well soon, Meg

Oswald Croll said...

And that's a date you walk away from thinking "no more". Wow, that would have been the best date I ever went on. You should try some of the disasters I've gone through. But good for you for knowing what you are looking for and sticking to your guns. Even if you do it via corny....CORNY....lines. Chaste....hahahahah. Excellent. i am going to have to use that.

Os

Dirk the Feeble said...

If I were him, I would think the two of you should definitely hook up, but I'm not him, so I say fuck that guy (but not literally). He sounds creepy.

By the way, there seems to be a division amongst the female community on whether or not asking for a kiss is cool or lame. Not every woman thinks that's a good idea.

Ang said...

thanks beachgirl! I was thinking of her!

Speedy recover Meghan, I was thinking of you!!

Armaedes - I don't like being asked. If I haven't already told you with my eyes and you need to ask then the answer is probably 'no'.

janestarr said...

Wish you well on your recovery Meg!

And as for Armaedes, I am with Ang, if you have to ask, then you shouldn't be kissing me.

Kate said...

I have to put my vote in for the Don't Ask crowd.

trueborn said...

The eyes have it. Ang is totally right. How do I make this more awkward? Oh yeah, I'll ask to kiss her! That'll work.
Her eyes are the key.
Theres the come hither stare, the you better be joking stare, and my favorite you better get your ass over here and kiss me stare.

Chairborne Stranger said...

Hope you're feeling well.

PS Guys, true knows about the eyes. He's surrounded by nurses.

meghansdiscontent said...

Hello, Kids!
Thank you SO much for all your well wishing. I'm doing much better. Just not completely up for a new post yet, but I HAVE to respond to comments because there's a lot to say.

Eunuch - He's not so newly divorced. He's been divorced a few years now. But he's definitely a player. I'm tossing him. And did you just call me a "good thing"?? You're a cutie to the max.

Kate - I bet you're happy you stuck with it!! I TALKED to a younger guy for a few weeks, but could never convince myself it was okay to date him. We are friends, still, though.

True - I think you're the best of both worlds. You're a Yankee Southerner. Probably the kind of guy that says "you guys" but with a semi-Southern accent. Hmmm . .

Beach - I wish I could use a guy like that, but it just seems wrong. Yes, he's HOTT HOTT HOTT but that's not the most important thing. Hell, on the list 0f 28 things, it's like #24.

Janestarr - I wish I could just have a toe curling relationship, but I'm not that kid. There has to be some meaning in it for me to even contemplate a physical relationship . . . DAMN my morals!

Barry - Got one snow day out of the deal. I miss snow. I love snow. Anyone wanna take me North for the winter?

Chair - Angel, forget the boy, I'll buy you shoes. I LOVE shoe shopping. Hmmm . . even if it's for a boy (not nearly as fun because there's not nearly the wonderous selection, but I'll deal, just for you.)

Muffin - You're right. He's trying to buy my pants off. He's a bad guy, I just wish I didn't already feel semi-indebted. I have the oddest moral system. He spent a LOT of money on me so now I feel like I owe him something in return. Maybe I'll just buy him a watch and messenger it to his house or something. :) Thus, bypassing all guilt.

Angel, Jr. - hahaha Sounds to me like you just enjoy the dating anecdotes this loser provides. Would you really risk my chastity and sanity for a laugh?? :)

Kate - Thank you, things went very well. I'm recovering nicely!

Ang - No change, chica. Your thoughts are worth the world here!
You're right. His comment was unforgiveable. It was like Hitler addressing the Jews. But I know some really great guys that say the stupidest things . . . I was just hoping he was one of them. But - he's SO not.

Beach - Thanks for giving everyone the updates! I don't know what I'd do without you!! As for the family, oh buddha. I love them. I love them dearly. I do. But GET THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!! Can someone call in a bomb threat?? They're driving me crazy and force-feeding me fat and sugar!!! My grandmother's been here less than 36 hours and has already made Butterscotch pie, Peanut Butter pie, Chocolate Chip cookies, Sugar cookies with icing and homemade fudge. And made me eat some of ALL of it!! I avoid sugar like the plague and let the Baker of the Black Death into my house!!

True - Thank you, sugar. I'm getting well as quickly as possible to get back to you guys!!

Os - Honey, baby, you need the back story to appreciate why I'm walking away. Trust me. As for my use of Corny lines - you'd fall for 'em. You know it. My sweet little Southern drawl and my big vocabularly . . you'd be smitten in no time. I'm irresistable.

Arm - Creepy does not begin to cover it. I need spreadsheets and powerpoints to explain his level of creepiness. As for the division among us - I will explain just shortly. Keep reading.

Ang - Thank you, doll. I'm well on the road to recovery. And obesity if my family remains in this house with me. HELP HELP HELP!

Janestarr - Thank you!! And the kissing . . just wait - it will be at the bottom.

Kate - keep reading! :)

True - Keep reading.

Chair - Much better, thanks! As for True . . . keep reading

Asking for a kiss -

It's not for the meek. Only SOME guys should do it. Only SOME can get away with it. And only SOMETIMES is it okay. The ONLY reason I liked that he asked is because it showed he was intelligent enough to KNOW he shouldn't try it otherwise. Plus, it turned me on to have this older, authoritative guy have to ask me for anything.

99.9% of the time - I don't want you to ask me. I want you to see that I want it. Or even if you think I might want it, grab me and kiss the crap out of me. Make me question why I'm not begging for your lips on mine at all times. Make me lose my breath, make my toes curl, make my knees give out and hold me up. Don't ask me, it makes you look weak. BUT BUT BUT - in his situation, in that particular instance, the asking was sexy.

Maybe that will be my next blog when I have the gumption to author something other than responses!

trueborn said...

Nah, Darlin' I say, y'all. I don't know about the accent...
But when I was in New York people were asking me if I was from the deep south or somthing, which just made me laugh.

meghansdiscontent said...

True - HAHAHA - welcome to my world! Every time I go home to Pennsylvania or to North Carolina and West Virginia to visit family, I have people asking me to talk and "say this" and such.

Hell, last year a guy followed me around a shoe store and finally when I said "What the Buddha are you doing?" he said "You just have the sexiest voice then add in that Southern accent and I just . . " and he trailed off.

I didn't know it was possible to win you guys on voice alone. Damn, I need to learn to WORK that more. Hmm, think they could list Sex and Marital status next to name in the phone book and I could make "wrong number" calls that evolve into relationships???? :)

Rolligun said...

I just totally ran after this bus, comment #47 or other.

Anyway, my wisdom as follows...it wasn't until he kissed you that you changed your mind and started to think of him in a different light. My point is that the physical contact activated something artificial that we all have, and if he wasn't able to elicit those feelings with out the kiss, then that's what it was. Aritificial.

Imagine the morning after breakfast with this guy if you can't even get through a plutonic lunch.

Walter said...

No comment.