Monday, December 12, 2005

Just for a Second

I would be better off
Alone and Lonely
Than awash in this sea of faces

He buys me a drink
What’s his name again?
Ted, Sam, Mike, Steve
Does it matter?

The vodka bites at my tongue
It tickles my throat
He’s saying something I can’t hear
A droning noise fills my ears
He’s complimenting me

He’d turn away if he read my thoughts
If he knew I was thinking
Could he hit me?
Would he?

A sharp slap across my cheek
A purpling bruise tomorrow
Would it change anything?

Would the bright taste of blood,
The quick sting of pain
Wash the apathy away
Leaving anger in it’s wake

Some other emotion
Any impression at all
Displacing the numbness
Replacing the loneliness

Just for a second
A minute
An hour
Would it make it leave?

15 comments:

trueborn said...

Wow, Meg.
Bad day? Good poem. It engendered just enough pain to make me ashamed of being a man.
For a moment.
We've all been there. Replace one ache with a new one.
Love Bites. I think you know where I'm going with that...:)

Adam said...

Yes. Yes it would.

Would it be better?

janestarr said...

Darling, that is quite a prose. I have been there, feeling cavernous dispassion. It is better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

that's some awesome writing. :)

meghansdiscontent said...

True - Nah, not so bad. I actually wrote it last night. Last night was hell, at least early on, Def Leppard boy. :)

Adam - Probably. Probably.

Janestarr - Exactly. I wondered about posting it because I thought "Everyone will think I want to be beaten or I'm a masochist" . . and then thought, whatever. Apathy. Gotta love it

Laurie - Thank ya, bunches! :) I love compliments.

Steph said...

Awww babe, you need a hug in the worst way.:( Wish i was there to share your Vodka.

auburn said...

I hear you honey.

Aching, feeling, hurting...it never goes away. The emotions all get their own turn at the fore, but stuff like that will always be there underneath, simmering away.

I know how hard it is to wonder what is better. Life is all about ifs and what ifs. Adam hit the nail on the head.

I think you're an incredibly strong person.

Kate said...

Very good writng. You really have the gift of making those who read it feel like they are experiencing it. So while not exactly pleasant in this piece ;-) very effective all the same.

meghansdiscontent said...

Oh wow, now you guys are making me feel so bad about this. I didn't mean to bring everyone down. :(

Steph - Mi liquor, es su liquor. Anytime. Thanks for the offer of a hug, but you might want to save it for tomorrow . . the unveiling of what your dare to me has produced.

Auburn - Thank you, sweetie. But it's your strength that inspires me. You have so much going on and yet you're still there for everyone around you - while still following your dream. Thanks for showing us what we need to be.

Kate - Thank you, dahling. However, a warning - you may want to avoid tomorrow's post at all costs . . it is even less pleasant, I assure you. Damn Steph and her dares! :)

Kidding, Steph, love everything you make me do!

Kate said...

Are you kidding, I wouldn't miss it. I was just trying to make the point that it wasn't actually comfortable being in those shoes but you weren't wanting us to feel to feel comfortable right?

Jenni said...

Makes me remember how awful lonliness is. And how empty I could sometimes feel. Trying to meet people could really suck. Meghan, thanks for the post, you are an ace at conveying so much.

Rolligun said...

Meghan,

I am sorry, not because I think it was very good, yet very sad poem, but because poetry is completely lost on me, and I have nothing intelligent to say.

I am sorry. I read it three times, I just don' know.

mrshife said...

Great poem, Meghan.

Rolligun said...

O.k., I read it a fourth time...will this work?

If I saw you in a bar, could I be like...

"Hey Meghan, I like your casio watch. How about you buy me a drink and slap me around for a bit." Would that get us off on the right foot?

Or I can just read it again.

meghansdiscontent said...

Kate - Nope, didn't want people feeling comfortable. But didn't, necessarily, want them down either.

Jenni - Thanks, babe.

Rolligun - Sweetie, poetry isn't everyone's bag. Don't sweat it.

Shife - Thank you, handsome.

Rolligun - Hmm. . . may wanna read it again, hon. And I would never wear a Casio watch. :)