I totally forgot about this incident until a few minutes ago.
And you can call me a liar . . but my momma was there and she'll back me up.
And Robin got to hear the tale from both of us (because she was living with me at the time) and she'll back me up.
I guess it was the SEVEN HELLISH HOURS spent Christmas shopping with my brother (the highlight of the day - I love my brudder) that brought the memory to light.
Park Plaza Mall in Little Rock.
My mother and I are shopping, maybe for Christmas, maybe just for something to do, who remembers.
Anyway . . .
We're going down the escalator to the second floor to go to Victoria's Secret.
There's a young girl in front of us.
And by young- and trust me,I can judge age in kids - I mean 12-14 yr age range.
Definitely not much younger, possibly a year older.
And you will understand the need for this disclaimer shortly:
No, she was not mentally handicapped, at least not in any way that is recognizable to an outsider - particularly one with medical training in disorders, such as myself.
She suddenly turns sideways on the escalator, her feet straddling two separate steps, crouchs down and starts to PEE through her pants.
She's URINATING on the escalator!!!!!
I, as you can imagine, am NOT known for my subtlety.
I start smacking mom in the arm shrieking "SHE'S PEEING, MOMMA! She's peeing ON THE ESCALATOR!"
Mom's smacking me back and saying "I KNOW! HUSH!"
Shrieking slightly quieter, I answer "BUT SHE'S PEEING ON THE ESCALATOR!!!"
What's worse is that the side of the escalator is a clear stationary glass wall, and she's crouched sideways, and appearantly rubbing her BOOTAY against the wall as she's peeing her way down the escalator . . and therefore leaving a wet trail on the wall . . and THATS THE SIDE I'M ON! I am TERRIFIED of getting young girl urine on my winter white pants!!!
Now, it is NOT possible that this poor girl had ANY urine left in her bladder . . it just CAN'T be! She peed FOREVER! ALL THE WAY DOWN! And yet . . .
When we reached the second floor, there was a VERY large planter at the bottom with those lovely decorative tress found in every mall. She jumped off the escalator and quickly planted her butt INTO one of the planters . . and appeared to keep peeing.
THESE are the things that happen to me!
Oh, and a side note.
Women are catty biatches.
Particularly young, very attractive women.
My brother is a hottie.
I realize this.
He's gorgeous beyond reason.
REALLY, he is, ask ANYONE who's ever met him.
It's a combination of stellar good lucks, killer sense of humor, intelligence and craziness. EVERYONE loves my brudder.
Chicks in the mall were staring me down today.
I guess they thought we were together as a couple - not as brother/sister.
I actually HEARD one girl say to another (picture Misha Barton and Rachel Bilson) "What's he doing with her??"
What am I, chopped liver?
I wanted to pimp slap her.
** Note ** I had to look up the names of those girls on The OC. My brother's ex used to TIVO it at my house and watch it. THAT really IS what these girls looked like. It was that level of (my brudder's term) Hottiness.