1: We are old. Beachgirl more so than me. :) She’s sitting here admitting to it. We were home and in bed right before 4 AM. I would have danced the night away, but around 3, Beachgirl looked forlornly at me and said “My feet hurt! Are you ready to go?” I am nothing if not polite to guests. We got outta there.
2: Birdie and my friend K. are older than we are - at least in spirit. They had left 45 minutes before we did. We dialed them up and met them at the Waffle House down the road. Which, of course, is a story in itself. Short version: They had ordered and finished eating by the time we arrived. We weren’t hungry, just wanted some water and to tell the girls goodnight. BIG argument ensues at the counter. Apparently the Waffle House didn’t have a working credit card machine on New Years. Also, they don’t take checks. Unfortunately, there were no signs - nor any waiters/waitresses - informing the patrons of this. K. and Birdie had NO cash. And had a sarcastic bout of arguing with the staff of the (ha ha ha) restaurant. No Cash Night at the Waffle House. Watch out kids, what’s next?
3: A. doesn’t dance so much as catwalk. My lovely stylist (who made us BEAUTIFICUS before going out) has an unusual form of dancing. She’ll dance for a few minutes, then point at no one in particular and walk 10 feet, do a spin turn and walk back. That is her signature move. The drunker she gets, the more unsteady and confusing the walk. By the time we left, Beachgirl was sure she didn’t know her own name. I was sure she was living up to her promise of not leaving until “they shut the place down and kick me out OR the police escort me out for poor conduct.”
4: When there are no attractive SINGLE males about at midnight, you can kiss every girl in sight. Beachgirl kissed 3 girls to my 4. The fourth was my friend M. M. is gorgeous. Were I to go gay, I would go straight to her. Beachgirl concurs.
5: The food at Nu is AMAZING. And completely worth the small fortune you have to plop down. Also, the waiters are hot hot hot. And, to make you feel even better, the entire restaurant is glass windows. Thus allowing every person walking through the River Market district to stare in at your table. Our table was in the corner of the restaurant thus allowing us two angles of approaching New Years partiers. Men LITERALLY - ask Beachgirl - licked the glass at our windows. There was a lot of pointing and one particular male offered marriage to us. Interesting, interesting. We also got to see the MANY fashion mistakes others make. One particular woman was decked out in a coral tulle dress. It was so frightening. I still haven’t fully recovered.
6: We are old. Yes, we addressed this in number one, but this further illustrates the point from a totally different angle. At several times during the night, boys would begin grinding upon us and we would turn to see them and discover - holy Buddha! They are 12 years old! Wait, wait, this club is 21 and up only. . . . and yet. At several times during the night you could hear us addressing each other and them with comments such as “Umm, yeah, I would let him keep dancing with me, but I have a requirement that men have pubic hair before I grind on them.” or “Does mommy know you’re out past curfew?” or, my particular favorite, Beachgirl’s all out “Are you even old enough to be in this club???? You have no clue what song they’re even playing, do you??” - in case you’re wondering - it was AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.”
7: A. and M. deserve awards. I am the baby of the group. I could have and would have, had not Beachgirl needed to return home (thank you, doll, I hurt so bad today! I can only imagine what it would have been like if I had stayed until closing!), kept up with M. and A. for the rest of the night. But I have to give those ladies credit. A. is 34 and M. is 28. They are older than Birdie and K. who left first, definitely older than moi, and A. is older than Beachgirl. But they were still going STRONG when we meandered our way out the door. I am 99.9% certain they were there until closing. Those ladies are inspirational. A. is my new hero. I want to be just like her when I’m 34. Stamina, wise. I don’t know that I want to be at the club until 6 AM when I’m 34. Don’t tell her, but I think it’s a bit . . . umm . . . well, I just hope my clubbing til daylight days are over by that stage of my life.
8: There are men who are prettier than we are. Discovery, our club of choice last night, boasts a drag show. Ms. Gay Arkansas 2005 had a body I would have killed for. And his/her make-up was flawless. Ummm, he/she was beautiful. And could DANCE. A friend of A.’s was a 6'3" gorgeous male, posing as female, and had more offers for illicit things than ANY of the girls in our group. We spent half the night pondering “Do these boys even know that she’s a man??” The answer, kids, is NO. They didn’t. THAT is how pretty this boy was. When Beachgirl and I left, he/she was sandwiched between two pretty hot guys, one of which was kissing his/her neckbone. . . I couldn’t help but wonder - will he kiss low enough to determine that those breasts are all padding??
9: The techno room is fun, the drag show room is relaxing but the main dance floor is the place to be if you want straight males. Plus, it’s not like you can bust out old school dance moves in the techno room - it just doesn’t fit. However, on the main dance floor, K. and I put our youth to good use. She busted out “The Sprinkler” while I did the “Roger Rabbit” and Birdie relearned “The Snake.” Beachgirl wowed us with her ability to STILL do “The Butterfly” with grace and poise. Oh God, I just made another argument proving we’re old, didn’t I?
10: Kissing straight, single men at midnight. It’s almost midnight and we’re at a table in the drag show room. Someone - probably Beachgirl - realizes that we have to find boys before midnight, and it ain’t happenin at the drag show tables. K. stands up and announces “Come on girls, I’ve got 14 minutes to find my future!” and we shimmy out the door. I’m not sure why we didn’t find any males to kiss. Possibly because they were all attached. When, oh when, did New Years become the couples night out that it is??? The FEW single, straight males in the joint didn’t show up until well past midnight. Well, that’s not true. There were single males before then, but none you would want planting their lips on yours.
11: The futility of making lists. Beachgirl performed almost none of her top five things to do on New Years:
1 - Dancing on a table - didn’t happen. Mainly because the ONLY tables are in the drag show room . . . and there’s no music in there unless a show is on.
2 - Drink until her Southern Accent shines through - umm, we didn’t drink all that much. Don’t get me wrong, we got our drink on, but nothing that would make our livers scream in protest. However, her Southern accent is strong enough that the addition of alcohol wouldn’t alter it enough for me to notice. At least, I think not.
3 - Taking off her clothes - yeah, it happened. Just not in the club. It happened in the vehicle. It’s not as though a corset, particularly when worn as a shirt, is comfortable. Especially after hours of sitting down to dinner, sitting at a drag show and then dancing your ass off. She has the bruises to prove it. By the time we reached the vehicle, she already had the corset half off. It was completely off for the drive home. Hmmm . . does that mean she DID accomplish her task of stripping or no???
4 - Men putting money in her G-string - didn’t happen. But we did allow men to ogle us and were told on several occasions that we had “nice racks.” Buying of drinks from others did occur, however. Does this count . . drinks are more than $5 and I would rather see that money in the bar tender’s register than in our panties?
5 - OTHER - umm, yep, definitely occurred.
There is so much more to say, but we’re both so TIRED and SORE that we can’t remember EVERYTHING we wanted to tell you guys. Can’t you tell by how disorganized and ill-worded the above post is? Maybe there will be a second installment that makes more sense. I already told Beachgirl that she has to blog about her trip down here and the fantabulousness that is ME and Birdie and our crew. Humble, ain’t I?
We hope you guys had a great New Years and look forward to reading your posts!!! Let us know if you have any questions about our weekend endeavors! In the meantime, be sure and answer the following question in your comment: Who, if anyone, did you kiss at midnight????