Friday, January 06, 2006


I have to express my gratitude for the Arkansas State Troopers.
Their leniency should be commended.

Last night:
Dinner with friends.
Driving home.
I readily admit I have a HEAVY foot.
I find it very, VERY hard to stay at the speed limit.
Last night, I was too busy singing to pay attention to the speedometer.
70 MPH zone.
Blue lights.

"Ma'am, are you aware of the speed limit in this particular area?"
"Yes, sir. 70 MPH."
"Are you aware of your own speed?"
Flirtatious giggle - I'm NOT above debasing myself to avoid a ticket: "I'm assuming above 70?"
He actually laughs! Thank God.
"Yes, ma'am. Well above 70. You were traveling 92 MPH when I clocked you."

Internal Monologue:

That's speeding.
Plus reckless driving.
Plus anything else he feels like tagging on.
I'm looking at AT LEAST $300, probably more.
I can't afford that!!
Please, please, no.
Flirt more.

"I had no idea I was going so fast. I am so sorry officer."
"May I see your license and registration?"
I dig them out of the console and think, Hell, I'm getting the ticket.
Of course I'm getting the ticket.
I was 20 + miles over the speed limit.

"Ms. SoandSo, you are aware that traveling at that high a speed is extremely dangerous. Particularly in an SUV. It increases the chances of turn over. With the winds this high tonight, it is even more likely."
"Yes, sir. I do apologize. I had no idea I was going that fast. I'm normally a very consciencious driver."
Lies, all lies. I am a VERY good driver, but a very fast driver.
"I will be right back."
He goes back to his cruiser and I sit there and feel my stomach tie into even harder knots.
Shit, shit, shit.

"Ms. SoandSo, I'm going to let you off with a warning. It would be a shame to see you start off the New Year with an infraction of this kind. I need you to promise me that this will not happen again."
Mentally: Oh holy hell, if you're REALLY letting me off with a warning, not only will I PRO-mise to not do it again (lies), I will send gifts to your first born.
"No, sir. I promise this will not happen again. I will set my cruise control to ensure it."
He smiles at me, hands back my license and registration - along with the warning ticket, and lets me go.

Do I learn my lesson?
Less than 12 hours later:

45 MPH zone.
Blue lights.
Shit, shit, shit.

I could type up the whole spiel again, but I doubt you want to read it.
Just let it be known that flirtation or the gods were with me for another day.
58 in a 45.
Not even a warning ticket.
He checks my license and registration, talks to me about the importance of awareness and then says:

"I'm giving you a late Christmas present. I'm letting you go, but be more aware of your speed, Miss. I doubt anyone else will be this lenient."

Ha ha - if only you knew.

Thank you, Arkansas State Troopers.
I DID attempt to watch my speed a little more this morning.
I made certain to stay under 80.
Well, kinda.

I'm wondering, with this kind of luck, if I should go buy a lottery ticket.


Ann Spam said...

That's wicked, you're so lucky!

Everyone thinks they're very lenient I suppose...

Have a good weekend.

Coyote Mike said...

I've tried that, but when I show my man-boobs, I don't get anything out of it.

Actually, I'm one of those drivers who normally stays at the speed limit. I'm never in that much of a hurry and make sure I leave with plenty of time to get whereever. I've had one warning for speeding, and one warning because someone stole my front licence plate.

And I really don't care if people are annoyed because I drive the speed limit.

Jenni said...

Wow chica!, and cops get such a bad rap...(well some of them derserve it)...But two warning so close together, that's good luck beyond measure!!! Run, FAST, to buy that lotto ticket.

Bone said...

Twice in 12 hours?!?! You must be quite charming ;-)

Yeah, flirting with the officer doesn't work so well for us guys. Not that I've ever tried it. But I wouldn't imagine. I once got a ticket for improper lane change. Whatever.

Rolligun said...

My driving record would look so much better if I had your skills (don't ask), tell me your secrets, I have money!

meghansdiscontent said...

Ann Spam - Welcome! And yes, I am VERY lucky. Have a good weekend!

Coyote Mike - I'm a freak. I love to drive, but hate traffic. So when there's traffic - I speed. Weirdness. I leave in plenty of time to get anywhere 15 mins early, then end up being 45 minutes early because I sped all the way there. I don't get annoyed by people driving the limit - just people driving UNDER the limit . . .or in the wrong lane.

Jenni - Now if only AR was a lotto state. :( Think I should speed to Texas and buy one??

Bone - Nope. Not charming in the least, I have NO idea why the hell I got off. HAPPY about it though. "improper lane change"?????

meghansdiscontent said...

You snuck in on me, Rolli!

And I would tell you my secrets if I had any, but I honestly don't know WHY they let me go. Freaky. But I refuse to look a gift horse i the mouth. :)

qwer said...

Um...I wouldn't push your luck any further.

mrshife said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mrshife said...

You are indeed one lucky gal. I am like Coyote Mike and try to expose my body to get out of tickets but I show penis cleavage.

Drunken Chud said...

wow, like rolli, i wish i had your skills. i would actually be able to be insured. ahh, life as a hooligan.

janestarr said...

Lol! You must have been looking either extremely hot or extremely innocent, either way, absolutely buy a ticket and win some money, honey!!

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

When you're hot, you're hot. :) Meghie was workin it.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

P.S. - the last time I was stopped was for drunk driving down a wrong way street in Baltimore city at 3.a.m. because I got lost and 2 cops in one car stopped me and I produced tears and said I had no idea where I was. They asked if I'd been drinking which I was so drunk I'd forgotten to even WORRY about them knowing that...I said I hadn't been but they had to have known...ANYWAY..they asked where I needed to go and they let me FOLLOW them to I-95. WHAT!!!! :P

trueborn said...

Well Megs I guess the drought is over. You got off twice in twelve hours
Go have a cigarette.

Velvet said...

I was laughing through this whole entry. You worked those cops twice in one day. I love it.

When you're hot, you're hot!