Wednesday, January 11, 2006

May I Express My Dismay . .

I have an acquaintance.
I can't call her a friend, because we're not that close.
And honestly, I don't wish to be that close with her.
We are completely different people.
We have only one thing in common:
Our other friends.

The acquaintance is extremely intelligent.
But what she has in book smarts, she lacks in common sense.
She has a biology degree.
But apparently, she missed the day when they explained procreation.
Because she's 3 months pregnant.
Because she didn't use a condom.

Her lack of foresight isn't what bothers me.
She claims to love the child's father, he claims to love her and they have seemed somewhat excited about the pregnancy.
If not a little dumb about it.

HE - is a pot head.
And when I say "pot head", I don't mean that he smokes occasionally or every other Tuesday or even every Monday, but he smokes about every other hour of every day.

HE - lost his job.
To hear him tell it, he was semi-fired and semi-quit.
But I don't think you semi-quit when you are BANNED for LIFE from Chili's or any of it's affiliate restaurants.
He may not work there, nor even eat there.

HE - is in NO great rush to find another.
In fact, he "doesn't want to work."

Sidenote - does anyone WANT to work?

SHE - just started a new job with the government.
Her benefits haven't kicked in.
She has no health insurance.

SHE - makes less than $30,000 a year before taxes.
Has NEVER paid for any bills of her own.
Has had her parents paying for everything.
And she's 26.

THEY - have been living with friends.
For free.
But obviously can't do so now.
They must find a house.
In Conway.
A town of three colleges and rents so high they make your eyebrows lift to your hair line.
That accepts pets.

THIS is the straw that broke the camel's back:

Baby Momma: "We need to find a three bedroom house."
Me: "Three bedroom houses, in Conway, particularly that accept pets, are going to be HIGH HIGH HIGH. Why do you need three bedrooms?"
Baby Momma: "Because -baby daddy- needs a room for his hobbies, I need a room for my hobbies and we need a room to sleep in."
Me: Dead Silence and Long Looks.
Baby Momma: "What's that look for?"
Me: "Are you forgetting something?"
Baby Momma: "Oh yeah, we need like a bonus room or an outside room or something because he can't smoke his pot in the house, I'm allergic and it makes me nauseous."
Me: More Silence. Definitely More Pointed Look - this time at her stomach.
Baby Momma: "WHAT????"
Me: Aggrivated. Beyond. Reason.

Maybe because she's stupid. Maybe because she's three months pregnant and I don't know if I will EVER be able to be in that state. Maybe because people don't have to have a license to procreate. Maybe because she's been sheltered her whole life. Maybe because she obviously doesn't grasp that she has a life inside her, one that she's responsible for for the next 18 years and beyond. Maybe for a lot of reasons.

Baby Momma: "Stop looking at me like that! What??"
Me: Exploding: "Where the fuck is the baby supposed to go???????"
Baby Momma: "Oh." long pause. "Oh, yeah."

I could tell you more, but I need to bash my head in right now.
Like how she thinks her paycheck (because she's never had a job before now) for two weeks is going to be 1000 + dollars. Even though our friend who makes the same amount has already told her that after taxes and health insurance and retirement, she's going to be lucky to get $800 every two weeks. And how she has no idea how much electricity costs - "We'll budget about $100 a month for that." Even though I've told her that I'm just ONE person and I never have any lights or anything on except a stereo and it costs me around $200 a month JUST FOR THAT. And this could go on and on.

Hitting. Head. Against. Desk.

So, I'm thinking of pulling a Judy Blume.
Are you there God, it's me, Meghan.
And asking: "Why can insipid people procreate, but people like me who would LOVE to have children and probably could do a fair job raising them, are possibly unable to??"

Room for his hobbies and room for my hobbies.


Anonymous said...

For such a smart girl, you sure miss the obvious sometimes.

She's smoking pot with him every day.

pk said...

You never know the effect a child will have on parents. It could be once they see their little miracle their lives will be changed forever for the better. Or they could suck as parents! I have seen it go both ways.

Coyote Mike said...

even if she isn't smoking, she's probably got contact brain damage from dating this loser. (see my post yesterday of my three ows). You know the whole thing is going to end up on a tv court show, and Judge Judy is going to rain insults down upon their heads.

Although I would dearly love to make $800 every other week. And Nebraska must have hella cheap electricity. I always have lights on, plus computer and either television or stereo, and except for the few times I run my A/C in the summer, my electric bill is usually under $30 per month.

Coyote Mike said...

and if you really want to try to get pregnant, I suppose I could come and procreate with you twice a day for several months.

Jenni said...

Sometimes things are so backward in this life. My irresponsible but recovering drug addict brother has three of the most amazing kids around yet mooches off my mom and dad for everything. None of it will ever make sense. As for your "friend", she is a total bonehead.

meghansdiscontent said...

Anon - Truly, no. She despises it. Is allergic to it. And has a government job that drug tests her all the time. And she's pregnant. Surely not.

PK - One can only hope. But dear, God, please. Let them be good parents. Or I may be forced to kidnap the child and send it to adoptive parents.

Coyote Mike - So sacrificial is our Mike. And WHAT?? $30?? Do you live in some eco apartment or something???

Coyote Mike, again - Just twice?

Jenni - I hope you get pregnant soon. The world needs good mothers. I know this has NOTHING to do with what you posted, but it's just what I thought. Speaking of, you haven't given us a "trying to" update lately . . . all is well??

Coyote Mike said...

I do live in a small apartment, but power is just very cheap out here.

And just twice? Yes. Two 4 hour sessions per day. That leaves 8 hours for work and 8 hours for sleep. What more could you ask for?

beachgirl said...

Some people get hit with the ugly stick and some get hit with the stupid stick... I can't speak for their appearance but I'm pretty sure about the stupid thing.

Jenni said...

Meghan, Thanks for asking. You are a sweetie. All is regular, but no identifiable changes at this point. Just waiting to visit the doctor on the 26th to ask some questions and hopefully get some answers. Jenni

Bone said...

Well, I see you have site meter now. So as long as you "know" I'm here, I guess I may as well comment :-)

Was out with a friend of mine just before Christmas. She and I were talking about a mutual acquaintance who we never thought would be married at all, much less before us. But he is.

Seems quite a few girls around here are attracted to drug users who live with their parents and/or have no car and/or have no job. I guess that's reason #1457 I'm still single.

Rolligun said...

Oh this kid is gonna have a cool life if he plays his parents right!!

angel, jr. said...

I banged my head against the keyboard a couple times while reading your post. Are these people real or part of some reality show you didn't know they were filming in your town.

Kate said...

Wow, are they in for a rude awakening. Well, she is. Please don't take this as male-bashing but the reality is that life will change very little for the guy (he's not even expected to support financially). Hopefully like PK says they will step up to the plate on this one. I wouldn't be optimistic though.

Not the sitemeter!!!!! I thought this was a sitemeter-free zone.

meghansdiscontent said...

Coyote Mike - I now know why you're single. FOUR HOUR SESSIONS?? ouch. PS - I'm moving out there. $30????? Again, WTF??

Beachgirl - umm, no comment. Really, no comment. NO COMMENT.

Jenni - Darnit! I wanna be a blogging aunt. Keep me up to speed, Jenni love.

Bone - Oh no, I wondered when I was gonna get flack for this . . but I have a VERY good reason for it, I assure you. As for your friend, bleck. Assuage yourself with the thought that his wife can't possibly be someone you would want to marry. ANY girl attracted to that is NOT ANYWHERE near your league.

Rolligun - Is it horrid that I actually sometimes hope she'll miscarry?? (Meg is quickly struck by lightning)

Angel, JR - Oh NO! This is par for the course. I love my friends, but some of their friends . . . wow . . uh huh. Nuff said. Scary.

Kate - We talked about that last night. It's not male bashing. It's just that parenthood, especially the early months, is all about motherhood. And I apologize for the sitemeter, I really really do.

Oswald Croll said...

Unemployed/lazy dad, stupid mom, pot fumes all around. Oh yeah, this baby is going to be the next Steven Hawkins. It would be lucky to reach 'blob' status. Is that Child Services I hear knocking?

trueborn said...

Megs where's that parenting test of yours?
We need it quick.
What's that you say? An IQ test too?
Amen to that.
What? There's more?
Sterilization of criminals.
Ohhhh Some people aren't gonna like that.

Doll, you'll get your chance. Don't worry your pretty little head. If there is any justice.

Modern Day Stonewall said...

What ever happened to the hard-working, loyal, husband/father who would diligently and faithfully provide for his family through the good times and the bad. I guess there are only a few out there remaining. Trash like this guy doesn't deserve to be blessed with such a blessing as a newborn baby. I guess there are things that God does that sometimes make no sense to us at all... but I guess that's why He is God and we are humans.

Hopefully someday you'll be able to raise a child of your own! Growing up in a family of ten, I know there is no greater joy or blessing.. I'll be praying for you and your friend. ttyl.

Indiana said...

There is nothing so beneficial for a person than to actually live a life, not with the experiences of others but with the trials and hardship that brings scars and heartaches that at the end shows you really learnt something...

...maybe thats where she is...a first time soul not used to life, and not yet ready to face it's Karma.

But the pot-head non-contributer must go!

Steph said...

Makes me sick. So many worthy people out there that would make wonderful parents and can't concieve. And then there are dolts like these two that do not deserve the honour or parenthood.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

I feel bad for children who are born into these sorts of relationships. Look at who their role models are. There's nothin I can say here that you already don't know. So I won't say anything more about it.

Dorothy said...

Pot fumes have a nasty way of showing up positive in the pee. The kid, all of the clothes, blankets, all of her stuff will be permeated with this "scent" and will lead teachers, daycare workers to question. I hate it when people this thoughtless (room for his for hers)get to have one of life's greatest gifts to basically trash. My husband and I would adore having more kids, but we can't (the 2 we have are biologically mine, but he adopted them). We tried to help a family in a similar mindframe last year. Mom was bi-polar, moved to town to follow her prison man, daugher and son-in-law moved with her, daughter pregnant with child #3 (she was 21 and also bi-polar). Child #2 was adopted by mother of the daughter because she "couldn't bond with him" because he was a boy. Child #1 was a beautiful little girl, Child #2 beautiful boy, being raised with his mom as his sister living with his grandma as mom. Child #3 is born and is a boy, questions raised, they attempt to bond, she gets preg with child#4 right away. She announces divorce, then recants, now all are moving again (moved 4 times while we tried to help them get on their feet)and I ache for the life they will have. I ache for this little one too, but hope that maybe g'ma and g'pa will help ease the blow of being raised by 2 dufus's who haven't a clue.

And there isn't anything anyone can do to stop them.