Wednesday, February 22, 2006

How to Lose a Best Friend in Ten Seconds

DJ and I met freshman year.
We lived in the same dorm.
I don’t remember exactly how we started talking.
Probably something to do with my big mouth.
And the sense of egoism that I had at the time.
I thought I was hot shit.
And I probably was.
In that way that all 17-year olds are.
Nothing was out of reach.
And he was no exception.

But, somehow things morphed.
Yes, I was physically attracted to him.
Oh, Lord, was I.
But somehow we ended up in the friend’s zone.
And, actually, that was better.
We were inseparable.
Thick as thieves.
By Sophomore year, I could count on one hand the number of nights I slept in my own bed.
If I wasn’t in Fayetteville with Jeff, I was in suite 106 with DJ.
We never even kissed.
Nothing sexual.
Just the comfort of having someone to curl up with at night.
Someone to hold you.
Someone to tell your everything to.

Every morning was the same.
I went to my room to shower and dress.
Then back to DJ and Stephen’s suite to have them walk me to class.
I didn’t need them to walk me to class.
But I liked the security of being sandwiched between two guys.
And the detraction it gave to unwanted suitors.

I realize now that I was never alone.
I don’t know if it was by design, or not.
Quite possibly, it was.
I had grown accustomed to having Jeff with me always.
So when he moved to Fayetteville for his job, I felt I needed someone else to fill the void.

And that is how things remained.
Even after Jeff and I ended.
DJ was my rock.
My salvation.
My best friend.
And I was his.
In everything.
Through all the women, all the classes, all the family dramas.
I was his stability.

Until the end of Senior year.
I was enthused beyond reason.
DJ had started dating one of my very good friends.
We’ll call her Mary.
Which is apropos.
Because it’s a pretty close equivalent to her real name.
And because she was a virgin.
Which was my concern.

DJ was no virgin.
He was no angel.
In fact, though I loved that boy to distraction, I warned all my friends against dating him.
He was a user and a leaver.
I had warned Mary of this several times, but she wouldn’t listen.

They had dated a month when he told her he loved her.
He told me he meant it.
But we had been too close for too long.
I knew when he was lying to me.
And to himself.
But I didn’t interfere.
Because it wasn’t my place.

He took her virginity and made a promise to her.
He would sleep with no one else while he was sleeping with her.
They were to be monogamous.
Only I knew that he was still talking to and sleeping with his ex, Sarah, on the side.
I desperately wanted to warn Mary.
She was my friend, too.
A very good friend.
But it wasn’t my place.

I talked to him about it.
Told him that I felt he was wrong.
He agreed that he was.
But wouldn’t/couldn’t change, and I didn’t really expect him to.
That was DJ.
Always had been, always will be – if I had to guess.

DJ went for a law school interview in Fayetteville.
Sarah’s family is from the area.
So they went together and he stayed with her family.
Mary thought he was going with his mother and staying in a hotel room.
She called to wish him luck.
Sarah answered, and hung up.
Mary thought she recognized the voice.
And flew into hysterics.
Then started calling me non-stop.

I was out.
Hillary, Carol and I had decided it should be a girl’s night.
We were at Cajun’s dancing until we couldn’t stay on our feet any longer.
The music was so loud, I never heard the phone.
When we got home, it was to find a tear-stained, exhausted Mary on the tile floor outside our door.

“Just tell me who he went with.”
I tried to feign ignorance, I couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to her – I never will to my friends.
But I didn’t want to betray DJ, either.
Unless I was directly asked, I would stand fast.
“What are you talking about?”
“Someone answered DJ’s phone. It was a girl.”
“Oh, well, that’s strange.”
“Britt, don’t lie to me. He’s with Sarah, isn’t he.”

I tried to semi-cover for him.
“Yes, you know her family lives up there, so she’s letting him stay with her family for free. Save him the hotel cost.”

“Is he still sleeping with her?”
Shit.
“I really think you should just talk to him.”
“Is he sleeping with her?”
“He’s my friend, Mary, I can’t tell you that. You just need to talk to him.”
“Goddamnit! You’re MY friend, too. Tell me the truth! Won’t anyone just tell me the truth??!?!? He’s still sleeping with her, isn’t he
?”
Yes.”
She cried in my arms.

Mary waited until DJ came back to confront him.
He denied everything.
And because she was in love, she believed his lies.
She never spoke to me again.
And neither did DJ.

So, how did I lose my best friend in 10 seconds?
HONESTY

21 comments:

Jenni said...

Damn. It's hard being stuck in the middle of jerks. Jerks because he was a liar, and she was too naive. It really just sounds like you did the only reasonable thing possible. Too much drama!!

Rolligun said...

Oh that sucks...isn't there some proverb about the person who stands up for what's right is the one who gets knocked down? Well maybe not proverb, since those tend be inspiring, but some sort of saying.

This was years ago, he's had to fucked over again, hasn't she contacted you or have you heard anything?

Bone said...

Honesty, is such a lonely word...

I had a situation where two friends dated, although we didn't share the closeness that you two did. The guy, I had been friends with since eighth grade. It was very awkward when they were having problems.

Haven't talked to him in years. Still friends with her.

Indiana said...

And if you hadn't been honest, you would have lost 2 things:

Your best friend, and,

Your self respect and integrity.

Faltenin said...

I don't think this really requires an answer, does it.

Your words bring me in the web, I try to shout to warn you, doesn't work.

Good writing, poorly placed honesty. But then it's not your fault anyway, is it? They lost you.

Coyote Mike said...

They should never have put you in that place.

You can cuddle with me Meggiepants, and I'll walk to you to class/school/work/bakery/etc.

beachgirl said...

Short and sweet, it's their loss...

Rude Cactus said...

Funny. The details are different but there are many that seem very familiar. It was high school for me. Memories.

mrshife said...

Honesty is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow for some people. So do you even know how they are doing? Are they still together? I think you do the right thing and they ended up losing the most.

Trix said...

Sometimes doing the right thing means giving up what you love. It's a horrible thing, but I bet you'll never put yourself in that situation again.

Lizzie said...

Sounds like they deserve each other than that you're better off without both of them.

Anonymous Assclown said...

Not to be a dick, but "honesty" would have been telling Mary about it when he started screwing Sarah. At least then maybe you could have salvaged one friendship.

Drunken Chud said...

i think everyone has been in this situation at one point or another megs. (sorry, i have a hard time calling you brittany... i will learn). it sucks, it always does, trying to maintain your convictions and loyalty... never ends well.

funny though, my best friend is a chronic cheater. i rat him out to anybody he dates. not cuz i care about the girl or anything, i just like watching the ensuing drama. i hate being in the drama, but god i love watching it. it's free entertainment.

meghansdiscontent said...

Jenni - Anon Cow below was right. If I had been a good friend, or really honest, I would have told her to begin with. Lying by omission is still lying.

Rolligun - HA! Last I heard via law school friends was . . . they're getting married. NICE

Bone - You're lucky you got to keep one of them. I'm SO close to forbidding any of my friends to date any of the other ones. Can I do that?????

Indiana - As Anon Cow brought up, didn't I lose both anyway?

Faltenin - Eh, it's okay to lose a friend if you gain a life partner . . .right???

Coyote Mike - We do a lot of things we shouldn't.

Beachgirl - Yes, yes it is.

Rude Cacuts - HA! I FELT like I was in high school when it was happening. I kept looking around and saying "ummmm . . didn't I graduate?? WTF" Sorry that you had to go through the same thing.

MrShife - As I said above, last I heard they were getting married. That's what I want . .. a relationship that lasts forever and is based on nothing but lies.

Trix - You're so right.

Lizzie - Amen.

Anon Cow - Doubtful, since they're marrying . . but possible, I suppose. You're right though. I am no better than they are.

Drunken Chud - Eh, Meghan is my middle name so it doesn't bother me - you can call me any variation of the two. And you nailed where I was torn . . two of the MOST important qualities to me are honesty and loyalty. . . what happens when your loyalty has to be compromised by your honesty???

trueborn said...

oh yeah.

This has happened to me.

Oh yeah.

My friends now know what to expect, if you don't want the truth, don't ask Trueborn.

Indiana said...

Only you can answer that babes, dealing with your own integrity is the tightest tightrope you will ever walk...and only the look on the face reflected each morning tells you whether you are successful or not.

PJ said...

I was Mary once. Funnily enough, the guy's name was TJ. My friend Shannon was friends with both of us, but really she liked TJ too and so she protected him and didn't tell me the truth.

Neither of us ended up with him, though. I saw him a couple of years later and thought, WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!? Last I heard, he's married with 4 kids in East Jabip somewhere. C'est la vie!

Drunken Chud said...

"But I liked the security of being sandwiched between two guys."

hehehehehehehehehehehe. dirty thoughts. i love it.

Steph said...

What a pair of dipshits. He probably has a few chicks on the side, and she's ignoring all the signs. Like someone else said, they deserve each other. They'll both end up miserable and they won't have you to fall back on.

No loss to you Megs.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

OH MY GOD MEGAN. I'm so late on reading this, sorry.
That is horrible, I really am sorry. God you try and tell someone the truth when they beg it from you and then of course the guy denies he's cheating and then YOU lose the friends? Listen, they weren't true friends then. I mean they may have really been for a while, but when it comes down to something like that, you see their true character come out. If anything, DJ had no rights to be mad with you - I mean of course initially he would be mad cuz he'd feel like you exposed him but it's his fault he shouldn'ta cheated on her. Regardless, though, deep down he had to know that you wouldn't just announce it without her buggin you about it, and know that it's not YOUR fault he's like most other males and thinks with his penis. UGH.
And as for her, she pryed it out of you and heard what she didn't want to hear, and then BELIEVED HIM over YOU? Why would you lie???????? Ugh stupid stupid girl to believe the accused cheating male over a girlfriend! You were reluctant to even tell her to spare her feelings and b/c you wanted to stay out of it! And that is why we like to stay out of other pple's affairs because of shit like this. But no, we have our loyalty to our girls, we try to be good people n do the rightful thing, honoring our friends, not wanting them to be made the fool - and look what happens.
Bitches. :(
Yer better off without all that lying drama apparently associated with those two.

qwer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.