Wednesday, February 22, 2006

It's a Small, Small World (and I love my brudder)

I still can’t believe this happened!! HILARIOUS!
Yet, at the same time, exasperating.

Sum up, as quickly as possible, to what led to the funny part:

My friend Ann called at 1:00.
Informed me that it was most definitely a hot tub night.
And I needed to bring myself to her place pronto after work.
Yeah, I can live with that.
She informs me that she is set to get off at four and will call on her way to the house.

4:30 and I’ve heard NADA.
But I know her husband isn’t working today, because he’s called me at least three times.
Poor man, he gets lonely, and I’m high entertainment, so he calls me.
So I decide, eh - screw it. I’ll go hang with Zane until Ann arrives.

I’m, oh, maybe 3 miles from her house when I realize . . uh, yeah, that’s her in front of me.
I dial her cell phone - straight to voice-mail.
We hit the next light and she sticks half her body out the window:
“Phone’s dead! Got held up on some union crap. You coming to my place???”
I’m hanging half way out of my vehicle, as well, and yelling answers.
Neither of us notices a SUV full of frat boys pulling into the turning lane alongside us.
Some teenager rolls down his window, sticks himself out, gets right beside my head and yells:

After my heart beat stops racing in my throat, I look at him and say “What the hell??”
He’s still hanging out of his vehicle at this point and says, rather meanly, “Get back in your vehicle. Stop yelling at each other like a coupla hillbillies.”
So, I smack the little shit on the back of his head (you know, as you would a smart mouthed little momma’s boy) and tell him: “You get back in your vehicle, you little shit-wit.”
And then the light changes.

End of story, right?
No, umm . . wrong.

Around 7, Ann and I are in the hot tub, sipping on some lovely little drinks and my phone starts ringing.
Normally (sorry, friends, I do this when I’m in the hot tub), I would ignore it.
But I’m hoping for a call tonight . . and this could be it.
No such luck.
It’s my bubbahead.
But I love him much, so I answer.
And the following conversation takes place:

“I HAD to call you, this is HILARIOUS!”
“Oh lord, what?”
“So Trey and some of the brothers are driving down College earlier tonight and there are these chicks hanging out of their vehicles talking to each other at the light . . “
And I’m mentally thinking - NO WAY is this going where I think it’s going.
“and anyway, Trey scares the crap outta this girl. . .”
WHAT??? Dude, I was SO not scared. Well, maybe for a minute, but just because some lunatic kid was two inches from my ear and screaming in it.
“And she smacks him!!! She smacked him in the head! And then called him a shit-wit. Which is why I had to call you, because you call me a shit-wit all the time.”
Speaking of . .how the hell are the two of us possibly related? Anyone with a lick of sense would have put it together in his mind an hour ago! Jayzus, do I have to do everything?

“Uhh, genius boy, who else do you know that actually says shit-wit?”
Still, completely oblivious:
“No one! Which is why I had to call you! Isn’t that hilarious??”
As Laurie would say: EH. MEH. GAWDDDD. (But with my Southern spin, of course)
“Jayzus, moron! It was me!!!!!”
“It was me! I called him a shit-wit!”
“WHAT?!?!?! IT WAS YOU???!!?!?! What are you doing smacking around our little pledge boys?? Wait. . . you smacked some guy you don’t even know in the head???? I thought you only did that to me and the roomies! Are you crazy??? You didn’t even know these guys!!!! . . .”
And his tirade about how I’m going to end up shot because I don’t control my actions continues for about, oh, well, until the water in the hot tub got cold.

What a shit-wit.
Anyone else would have figured it out before calling me.
I love my ignorant bubbahead.


Anonymous said...



Indiana said...

Shitwit....Megs, c'mon a fuck-turd at least. ~grin~

Rolligun said...

You can wait by the phone forever, I'm not gonna call you.

Ang said...


love it!

Drunken Chud said...

hehehehehehehehehe. at least he doesn't assume the worst. i got questioned by mom earlier if knew some chick in one of her classes, cuz the girl mentioned a "friend" who's loud and obnoxios and opinionated. she doesn't even assume there's more people like me. just asks if i know some random chick. hehehehe. you know, though, gotta hand it to you for slapping the little shit wit.

Drunken Chud said...

oh, and don't let rolli lie to you. he'll call.

Scorpy said...

That just made my day...I mean night (LOL)

meghansdiscontent said...

Anon - Thank you! Truth is truly stranger than fiction!

Indiana - Love, I'm a good Southern girl . . . we don't use the f-word unless there is impending death or really fan-fucking-tastic sex going on. And then, of course, every word in the dictionary is fair game.

Rolli - Why do you have to put on such a show for the others? When are you just going to admit that we love each other. My God, stop this macho bullshit. You love me, I love you, your lovechild created via artificial insemmination because we couldn't wait to start a family until you returned is in the back bedroom. For the love of Pete, Rolli, you cooed to him last night. The readers don't care that you call 18 times a day. (however, the guy I'm screwing on the side asks that you PLEASE stop calling between the hours of 6 and 10 . . those are prime head-banging sex hours and you're throwing him off his groove)

Ang - My brudder . . . enough said.

Chud - Ah, babe! That's so great! My mom would assume the same thing . . . only, I'm not that loud - - well, sometimes. As for me slapping him, ummm, Brittany has a little restraint problem. Just a tiny one. Itsy bitsy tiny restraint problem.

As for the Rolli comment, Chud-babe, check out the dose of truth listed above.

Scorpy - I'm so glad!!! THAT is the kind of crap that happens to me constantly!

Faltenin said...

I can just see this happening... I can't decide which part is funnier!

meghansdiscontent said...

Faltenin - Umm . . . just because I love him so much (and I do crap like the hitting random strangers upside the head when they need it ALL the time), I would say my brudder part is the funniest.


He calls me at 6:30 this morning:

"WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!" - high note of panic.

"Ummm. . at work. Where are you??"

"Please, please tell me the maid's key is still out at your house."

"Ummm, it's possible, I don't really know. Why???"

"I went outside to warm the truck up before going to Morillton this morning and the damn thing is locked. And running. It's not supposed to lock when the keys in the ignition!! I thought it had sensors or something!!"

"Let me get this straight. I'm the only one in a 70 miles radius with a key to your truck . . and it's locked . . .and running."


"You're such a genius."

I luv that boy. LOVE LOVE LOVE him, but I swear to Buddha, I got all the brains in the family.

Rolligun said...

Oh meg, dear, have you heard of the MMPI, I think it's time you took that test. I worry about you.
It's quite evident something is wrong, if you think I'd let that guy live unitl 10:00 your nuts.

Oh, and the bar for my love has recently been set quite high, so good luck to you.

Chud, Zip it.

Coyote Mike said...

All frat boys should be smacked upside the head on a daily basis. But I recommend using a baseball bat instead.

But that might just be me.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...


See you do know me, that is what I said. =P hehe

I'm so proud of you for your actions in responding to the boy hangin out the window. Classic. And much needed to be done. I wish I had half your ability to say witty things the moment they need to be said. I always think of what I shoulda done LATER.

And anyway doesn't matter what your brother said about smackin someone u don't know. The boy STARTED it, so that made it perfectly fine and reasonable for you to take action. :)

I just luv u :)

MappyB said...

That is absolutely hilarious!!!
How small of a town do you live in?!?! What a small world?!

meghansdiscontent said...

Rolli - Love, I have taken that test more times than you know. I know my personality, as do all the doctors around me, my lawyer, the company I used to work for, etc. etc. etc. You shouldn't worry. I'm perfect. Didn't you realize? As for him living til 10:00, honey, you're not here . . As for that bar setting thing, I know, babe, I set it. I dare any girl to match me.

And leave Chuddy alone. He's only saying what the rest of the blogging world knows.

Coyote - HEY! It's YOU. That's my bubbahead you're talking about! You're blacklisted. Nobody hits my bubbahead but me.

Laurie - Ah, chica, we're going to have to set up a girl's weekend. I will teach you the fine art of quick comebacks, witty conversation and head-smacks to deserving folk. And AMEN! He sure did start it. Little upstart. And I luv you, too!

MappyB - That's just it! It's not small. And by not small, I mean comparitively. This is ARKANSAS after all, but to inform all of you:

Conway's 2005 census showed:

52,262 permanent residents

That does not include the student population of the THREE colleges in the city. One is a division I school after this semester - they have enrollment exceeding 12,000 students. The other two colleges are private institutions and have around 6,000 students each.

So . . what's that? Like almost 75,000 people and I smack the ONE that knows my damn brother?????

Coyote Mike said...

I'll leave your bubbahead to you, I'll smack the rest of them upside the head.

janestarr said...

That is so funny!! Glad that someone is smacking boys and making them get straight. Yah baby!