I still can’t believe this happened!! HILARIOUS!
Yet, at the same time, exasperating.
Sum up, as quickly as possible, to what led to the funny part:
My friend Ann called at 1:00.
Informed me that it was most definitely a hot tub night.
And I needed to bring myself to her place pronto after work.
Yeah, I can live with that.
She informs me that she is set to get off at four and will call on her way to the house.
4:30 and I’ve heard NADA.
But I know her husband isn’t working today, because he’s called me at least three times.
Poor man, he gets lonely, and I’m high entertainment, so he calls me.
So I decide, eh - screw it. I’ll go hang with Zane until Ann arrives.
I’m, oh, maybe 3 miles from her house when I realize . . uh, yeah, that’s her in front of me.
I dial her cell phone - straight to voice-mail.
We hit the next light and she sticks half her body out the window:
“Phone’s dead! Got held up on some union crap. You coming to my place???”
I’m hanging half way out of my vehicle, as well, and yelling answers.
Neither of us notices a SUV full of frat boys pulling into the turning lane alongside us.
Some teenager rolls down his window, sticks himself out, gets right beside my head and yells:
After my heart beat stops racing in my throat, I look at him and say “What the hell??”
He’s still hanging out of his vehicle at this point and says, rather meanly, “Get back in your vehicle. Stop yelling at each other like a coupla hillbillies.”
So, I smack the little shit on the back of his head (you know, as you would a smart mouthed little momma’s boy) and tell him: “You get back in your vehicle, you little shit-wit.”
And then the light changes.
End of story, right?
No, umm . . wrong.
Around 7, Ann and I are in the hot tub, sipping on some lovely little drinks and my phone starts ringing.
Normally (sorry, friends, I do this when I’m in the hot tub), I would ignore it.
But I’m hoping for a call tonight . . and this could be it.
No such luck.
It’s my bubbahead.
But I love him much, so I answer.
And the following conversation takes place:
“I HAD to call you, this is HILARIOUS!”
“Oh lord, what?”
“So Trey and some of the brothers are driving down College earlier tonight and there are these chicks hanging out of their vehicles talking to each other at the light . . “
And I’m mentally thinking - NO WAY is this going where I think it’s going.
“and anyway, Trey scares the crap outta this girl. . .”
WHAT??? Dude, I was SO not scared. Well, maybe for a minute, but just because some lunatic kid was two inches from my ear and screaming in it.
“And she smacks him!!! She smacked him in the head! And then called him a shit-wit. Which is why I had to call you, because you call me a shit-wit all the time.”
Speaking of . .how the hell are the two of us possibly related? Anyone with a lick of sense would have put it together in his mind an hour ago! Jayzus, do I have to do everything?
“Uhh, genius boy, who else do you know that actually says shit-wit?”
Still, completely oblivious:
“No one! Which is why I had to call you! Isn’t that hilarious??”
As Laurie would say: EH. MEH. GAWDDDD. (But with my Southern spin, of course)
“Jayzus, moron! It was me!!!!!”
“It was me! I called him a shit-wit!”
“WHAT?!?!?! IT WAS YOU???!!?!?! What are you doing smacking around our little pledge boys?? Wait. . . you smacked some guy you don’t even know in the head???? I thought you only did that to me and the roomies! Are you crazy??? You didn’t even know these guys!!!! . . .”
And his tirade about how I’m going to end up shot because I don’t control my actions continues for about, oh, well, until the water in the hot tub got cold.
What a shit-wit.
Anyone else would have figured it out before calling me.
I love my ignorant bubbahead.