Sunday, February 19, 2006

Just a Pocket

The Romantic Bi-Polarist
Definition - One who divides their thoughts between two ideas: The first - “the one” is out there and one day soon, I will find them and live in love. The second - I am destined to be alone.

I think we all have a touch of romantic bi-polarism.
Some take it a bit further than others.
Such as myself.
I probably spend most of my time on the latter idea.
Most being defined as 2/3rds of my time.
The other 1/3rd of the time I am certain I will find him.
Tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.
Just bide my time, stay available for him and he will come.

But that latter idea is what sticks.
The one where I look around and see my family and friends so happily in love.
I count my single friends on one hand.
And I begin to think:
I am destined to be alone. I found him, I lost him and now here I am.
And here is not so bad.
It’s just lonely.

It’s the hope versus honesty.
Optimism versus realism.

If he comes, he comes and I will be overjoyed.
I will leave my life for him, if I must.
I will sacrifice everything I have, if it’s necessary.

If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.
And I will be happy regardless.
Find joy in those things I do have.
And not despair over those I don’t.
Remain complete in myself.
Despite my pocket of emptiness.

Because it’s just a pocket.
And I am so much more.

16 comments:

Bone said...

"And here is not so bad.
It’s just lonely."

I love that. And I agree. Have you been walking around in my head again? ;-)

qwer said...

I think I'll lay claim to Romantic Monopolarism. For me there hasn't been a "one".

Indiana said...

It's the dual struggle of everything, you don't want to settle, yet you don't want to be alone. We love being with someone special, yet know we should be content as a single...

The catch is we are not meant to be solitary creatures we do gain our strength from others...we just seek one to give it to us more so than mere friends are ever able.

meghansdiscontent said...

Bone - Well, ya know, I walk around there everytime I get the chance. :) It's so much less cluttered than my own mind.

TFS - So you think you're destined to be alone???

Indiana - And if we never find them? Does it make us less? Or are we able to be more?

Steph said...

It's a bit different for me. I feel like i NEED to be alone and i SHOULD be alone...yet....i still wonder if i'm doing the right thing. Daily.

I think i very well could be,one of those people who end up alone. And although i don't WANT that, i think i could learn to be ok with that. Do you get what i mean?

mrshife said...

There is someone out there for you. You are a catch and will make somebody very happy.

qwer said...

Yeah, I do for various reasons. Mostly to do with how I treat those I care about...and the fact that I have no idea what I really want.

Did you get that email I sent?

Coyote Mike said...

I have this feeling that every group of friends has one who never gets married or into a serious relationship.

And I think I am that person.

Maybe I should try to find a new group of friends who already have a well established single friend.

Drunken Chud said...

mike, i'm with on that one. i am my groups single friend. my longest relationship ever was 8 months. and even that wasn't a "serious" relationship.

i believe in the "plenty of fish in the sea" philosophy. that's why i'm always trollin'.

Ang said...

I am with you, doll!! I think a big part of it for me is that I would rather be alone than with anyone other than 'the one'. I am not looking for someone to complete me, I am complete, as is my life...I am looking for the one who compliments me and my life. If I die alone, at least I didnt die feeling like I settled for less than I deserved!
You deserve the moon, and there is someone out there who has it in his pocket.

alison said...

i just wrote this. not this eloquently, of course, but was just thinking all of this. and my big dilemma added in, is that i'm an only. not sure how mom and dad would feel about being alone forever..though i'm not sure i would mind..

Scorpy said...

Damn, You got me in one!!

Faltenin said...

sighs...

meghansdiscontent said...

Steph - I understand what you mean completely, sweetie. I truly do.

MrShife - Eh, we shall see. But if it doesn't happen, like I said, I'm happy in who I am and where I am. Having someone special would only enhance that.

TFS - Yes, I got your email. No worries. As for how you treat those you care about, babe, you will find someone and will feel so deeply for them that you can't treat them that way. I'm relatively certain.

Coyote Mike - Maybe you should! I spend my time wondering who THAT person in our group is - more than likely it's Birdie. Though, it could be K. Or maybe that's just me HOPING it's not me. :)

Ang - OMG! I'm so glad you said that. I feel that way, too sometimes. Or I'll be single and all I want is a relationship - then I get in a relationship and spend my whole time (probably because it's the WRONG relationship) thinking "I was so much happier alone!" eh. . the grass is always greener . . As for the moon, babe, I'd settle for a little stardust.

Alison - I LOVED what you wrote! I think everyone should go read it. You nailed it.

Scorpy - As I said, I think we're all there - - at least all us singletons.

Faltenin - Um hm.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

I think you just haven't met him yet. And I know all things.

qwer said...

There has been someone that I've felt that way about...and that only serves to make it worse.

They were that important to me that I didn't want to even risk the possibility that I might treat them that way. So I did nothing and they never knew.