Monday, February 06, 2006

The Laziest Day of Summer

Bone - that loveable cad - used Groundhog’s Day as an excuse to plunder the memories of his adoring fans.

I loved his post and the responses it garnered. I hurridly placed a brief synopsis of my own answer. What day would I wish to relive over and over? I landed on this day with almost no thought. Below is a more indepth expression of that day. Hopefully, it is not too tainted with the bitterness that accompanied the end of our relationship:

You are lying next to me.
The sun streaming in the windows.
Your back pressed deep into the mattress.
Your chest rising with each quiet breath.
I am tracing patterns there.
Small circles, at first.
Then, intoxicated by the ring on my finger, placing my signature on your chest.
Mrs. Meghan Gentry.
Big, girly, curly cursive.
My fingertip a fountain pen.
Your chest, my parchment.

You slide on your side, facing me.
Eyelids fluttering ever so softly.
Still asleep, but more conscious.
Your lips softly parted.
Moist, warm air touching my cheek.
I know you are sleeping.
But I need to talk to you.
It is nothing you need hear, nor respond to.
Just feelings that I fear will drown me if I continue to hold them in.
The fluidness of them threatens to spill over my eyes.

“I don’t know what I would do without you. Finding you was finding myself. Spending the rest of my life with you could never be enough time.”

I’m whispering the words into the corner of your pillow.
I don’t want you to wake and hear me whispering to you.
It seems insipid.
But the need to tell you my feelings, even in your sleep, is too strong to ignore.

Your eyes open.

Why does that word from your lips make me feel safe.
As though you could hold me and cradle me.
Protecting me from anything outside of us.

You pull me into your chest.
I have the oddest imagery of the name I had written there, smearing as we touch.
You kiss me so gently, so deeply, that I can not breathe.
I feel as though I don’t need air.
Only you.

We make love.
Slowly, carefully.
Each touch a caress.
Each stroke building a rhythm.
I can’t feel where you end and I begin.
How could you fill me, so?
When I never felt empty before?

We don’t leave my bedroom that day.
We are content just to be.
In this place.

Me beneath you.
You beneath me.

We are on our sides.
You are cradling me.
Your lips touch the curve of my ear.
You speak lowly to me.
Not whispering. Your voice is deeper, lower, it sends chills down my spine.

“I have an idea.”
I nod slightly.
I don’t want to break the spell your voice is casting.
“What do you say to getting Noah and John and spending the evening in the pool?”
You know I would never say no.
Water is my weakness.
As are the children.
Noah, who at three, already looks so much like you.
John, who you hold so tenderly to you.
I see you with them and imagine our children in your arms.

We make love one last time.

I smell the chlorine as we struggle with the gate.
Noah jumping up and down, his excitement palpable.
John making the cooing sounds of babyhood, his head nestled softly against my chest.
You’re smiling at Noah, juggling the towels, diaper bag, floaties, cell phones and keys.
I’m flooded again.

“I love you.”
“I love you, too, beautiful. Where did that come from?”
“I just wanted to say it.”

I lean in to kiss you, but have forgotten John is in my arms.
He reaches up and plasters his hand across your face.
“I guess he didn’t want me kissing his girl.”
You laugh as you kiss his hand instead.
Blowing a raspberry on it.
Making him squirm in my arms.

Noah is running to the edge before you’ve had time to lay anything down.
“Noah Kyle! You wait on your Aunt Meghan to get in first!”
I startle when I hear you.
I will be an aunt.
A wife and an aunt.
Noah stares petulantly at me.
“Get in, Meghan! I want to jump!”
I slide out of my sandals and pull the towel from my waist.
John squeals in anticipation of the water.
As my toe touches the first step, Noah sails in.
The water is cool.
The splash alarms John and he starts to cry.
I kiss his cheek and jostle him about.
The water is to my waist now and I dip his legs into the water.
He laughs.
You slid in behind us, unnoticed.
“You’re so good with him. You'll make a wonderful mother.”

I feel one arm circle my waist.
You gather my hair together and fold it on my head.
Your lips touch the nape of my neck as you squeeze my hip.
“Ugh, gross, Uncle Jeff!”
“Noah, you will kiss girls one day, too. Trust me on this.”
“Nu uh.”
“Uh huh.”

The look on his face clearly argues with you.
You laugh and kiss my shoulder.
“Let’s swim.”

Our time in the pool seems endless.
We stay long after the sun has gone.
Noah is pruney and losing steam.
John is making it clear it is time for his bottle.
We trudge from the deck to my apartment.
Weary but happy.

We lie in bed.
Facing one another.
Noah at your back.
John between us.
You look pensive.
“Something on your mind?”
“I want this. With you. Our children, our days together, our nights. This is why I asked you to marry me. This. Our future. Together.”

Careful not to disturb the baby sleeping between us, I lean to you.
We kiss as the minutes tick by.
“You are all I want. Nothing else matters.”
As the last of the sentence dies on my lips, my eyes close.
Having all I could desire, I sleep soundly.


Steph said...

Ohhhh Megs, your words carried me away.What a blissful time and place. I hope the memory of that gives you some comfort, the recollection of that feeling you had, makes you smile.


Indiana said...

To comment here is to do injustice to the words just read. Beautiful.

Jenni said...

That is most certainly the sweetest of memories. I read no bitterness.

Rolligun said...

I think your gonna write something like this again one day, only this time, you won't be falling asleep under the premise of a perfect moment, one day you'll be waking up to one.

I can sense it.

Drunken Chud said...

i can only wish, that i can find someone who feels half the things you just said. beautiful.

Coyote Mike said...

No words

beachgirl said...

That was beautiful megs-

chud- I think that's the most sincere thing I've read... I beginning to think you might be a romantic...say it ain't so!!

You too Rolli!!

Megs- that's some sort of power you've got there!!

Kate said...

That was beautifully written with no bitterness showing. I won't spoil the mood by telling you again what I think of this guy I don't even know. ;-)

PJ said...

that memory soooooo moved me. i think it touched me so because the emotions that came from reading seemed so familiar. i know i've experienced them too and yet, i don't want to try to remember my own memory was because i think i might find it too painful or bittersweet when it comes up again.

thanks for sharing. you're an amazing person!!

Barry S. said...

Sounds like a day worth remembering for sure - and reliving.

Here's to you getting countless more days like this one...

Ang said...

Thank you darlin!

meghansdiscontent said...

Steph - Thank you, love. It does. Regardless of how things ended up, I will always cherish memories like these.

Indiana - That's how I feel about most of your posts.

Jenni - Thank heavens, because the bitterness is there. I try desperately not to let them taint the good things about the relationship, though.

Rolligun - I trust in you. I believe it. I just wish/hope it was sooner rather than later. (and to my mind, sooner is the next three years versus sometime in my 50s)

Chud - You will, dear, if it's what you really want. Thank you.

Coyote Mike - I think that's a first, honey. And that's the strongest comment you could have left. Hugs to you.

Beachgirl - Thanks, chica. As for my power over the men - - angel, it's amazing what good words will do. These guys are the exception, not the rule! And thank heaven for them!

Kate - LOL. I know you all hate him. I wish I could. I want to. But it's things like THIS post that make me still hang on to part of him in my heart.

Pam - Thank you so much! And welcome! I hope you come back.

Barry S. - It was . . it most certainly was. One can only hope.

Ang - I am SO HAPPY that you are back!!! I can't even tell you!

trueborn said...

Very nice Megs.
I need a cold shower.

i said...

im lost for words... beautiful..