Thursday, February 09, 2006


It started to snow this morning.
I stood at the window.
Watching the whiteness try to cover the ground.
I couldn’t move.
I didn’t even blink.
The air was tightening around my naked body.
Walking in through the windows.
Cold fingers holding me in place.
Making me watch the snow drift to the ground.
Where it melted instantaneously.

I wondered if you were watching, too.
Is it cold where you are?
No, it can’t be, can it.
You’re too close to the equator.
What time is it there?
Are you in bed, a pillow by your side, your arm under your head?
Or are you on a bar stool, nursing a beer and thinking about me?
Do you think about me anymore?
Or did I hurt you too badly the first time?

We were together when it snowed.
Do you remember?
You called the base and claimed you couldn’t get out of your apartment.
They knew you were lying.
But what were they going to do about it.
We stood there.
Staring out through the windows.
Your hands holding me in place.
We watched the snow drift to the ground.
Where it built into piles.
That we turned into a snowman.
We used charcoal for the eyes.
You didn’t have carrots, so I got Mr. Potato Head out of my therapy kit.
We used the big orange nose.
Because orange is like a carrot, right?

You were just like a kid.
You begged me to make snow angels.
But when I laid down, you jumped on top of me.
You kissed me to distract me.
Then pulled your lips from mine and put a glove full of snow on my nose.
I wanted to be mad.
But you were laughing so hard.

You told me you loved me.
You shouldn’t have said that.
It was too soon.
I didn’t sleep that night.
I stood at the window.
Where the cold air chilled my body.
You woke up and brought me back to bed.
You pressed your warm body against mine.
You called me your eskimo.

I’m sorry I hurt you.
I would change it now if I could.
Have you standing here with me.
Watching the snow touch the ground.
Maybe if you were here it wouldn’t melt.
It would gather on the grass.
And we could build something again.


Britt said...

Absolutely breathtaking, I have tried to relate my feelings in words similar but have failed. After only a month, I am very similar in where you are. I wish for your speedy recovery. Your writing is incredible.

beachgirl said...

Ok precious girl- I'm only sayin this cuz I love ya....

You gotta snap out of this...

You know I love your writing but precious girl, all this sadness and looking back.. Gurl, you got to put your big girl panties on and move forward. In fact why don't you move your butt on over here to Nashville for visit...

Hellfire, and all damnation, you're in a manfree zone right now, and that includes remembering!! If you're going to think, I want you to think about all the cowboys I'm gonna introduce you to when you come to Nashvegas... Gurl, they didn't write the song "Save a Horse, ride a cowboy" for no reason...

Love ya girl!!!

Jenni said...

Damn Meghan, you keep ripping my heart out. It's obvious that you feel very deeply. Makes me glad I'm so shallow *kidding*.
Hugs for you Meghan.

Kate said...

I appreciate your wonderful writing but I agree with BG. Go to Nashville girl!

mrshife said...

Good stuff Meghan. You have some skills.

janestarr said...

That was pure Meg. The intensity, the bittersweet moments, I just got of this and you will too. Just burn through it, honey. Burn and burn until only the ashes are left.

ChickyBabe said...

I just want to cry...

Steph said...

As usual. Beautiful words. But i'm with beachgirl. Tis time for happiness my sweet. I know you're feeling melancholy, I am too. But to dwell is to sink deeper in the pain.

qwer said...

I seem to be saying this a lot these days, but chin up hun. It can only get better.

MappyB said...

I somewhat agree with Beachgirl about the memories....I hope that you're doing ok, and not just thinking back about everything. I went through a phase like that and it's wasn't good - I'm remembered of that by reading your posts. Makes me remember my own past loves.....

Oswald Croll said...

I hope we get some of that....SKIING !!!! SNOW !!!!
I have to calm down....can't breathe

Trix said...

Meg, that was truly lovely.

trueborn said...

Hate to pile on.
Put on some Bobby Mcfaren and have a beers dear Megs.
It's time for sunshine.
I'm with Beachgirl

Coyote Mike said...

No more being sad or I'll throw snowballs at you.

Bone said...

The things you write. And the things I write. Too bad you're not her. And I'm not him.

I think it's beautiful.
Be sad if you're sad.
Miss someone if you miss someone.
Nothing wrong with that.

Ang said...

I wish we didnt live half way around the world from each other. I would love to get slutted up with you tonight and go break some hearts!!

I have a feeling we could get into A LOT of trouble together!!

and by trouble I mean the good kind!!

auburn said...

Cowboys? We don't have them around my parts. I'm coming to Nashville! I don't know where the fuck it is, but if there's beer and riding (man-free zone on ice for the evening) I'm coming anyway!

I like what Jane said: Burn and burn until only the ashes are left. Sometimes you just gotta let it die.

Love you honey.

Faltenin said...

Beautiful. Again.

I'l think I'll go back and read it. Again.