Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Two Words

Black Ice
Impending Death
Lucky Biatch

Whichever you prefer.
Good God almighty, if I didn’t almost perish in a car wreck - AGAIN.
Only this one came out much better than any of the others.

6:12 A.M. Central Standard Time
Brittany is cruising along at a moderate speed (no really, I was, for once) on her 40 minute commute.
I-430 river bridge.
Black ice patch.

Normally, the I-430 river bridge has a steady stream of traffic by this time.
Actually, I’ve been on it going home from the club at 3, 4 and even 5 in the morning and it has a steady stream of traffic.
But I digress.

For whatever reason, thank the powers that be, there was next-to-no traffic this morning.
The nearest vehicles were about two miles in front of me and about a mile behind me.
And, for whatever reason, I’m driving in the far left hand land.
Thank God, again.
Because I hit this patch of black ice and do about four 360 degree circles across the three lanes of traffic to the edge of the bridge.

And THIS will tell you how many wrecks I’ve been in.
Instead of panicking, you know, like NORMAL people. . . what do I do?
I, as though on auto-pilot, slam my left-hand fingers into my automatic window controls.
Thinking, subconsciously, I guess, “If I’m going into the damn river, I want the windows down so the pressure can equalize and so I can get the fuck out. None of this hit the water and the electrical system fails and I’m stuck in this behemoth going down, thank you.”
I use my right hand to steer the vehicle into the spin so I don’t tip the SUV over and I can try and gain some control.
I, also, pump my brakes, ever so slightly.
What normal person reacts like this??!?!?!
Oh, and did I mention I’m internally screaming “fuck, fuck, fuuuuuuuccccckkkkk!

And miraculously . . . I stop.
I didn’t even hit the bridge’s edge.
I was about a millimeter from it.
But NO damage to my vehicle what-so-ever.
No damage to me - other than psychologically.
Nothing to prove it even happened.
Other than my very rattled nerves.
And the fact that almost 30 minutes later my hands are still shaking a bit uncontrollably as I type this.

So, I guess this completely solved my “What in the world am I going to blog about today? I’ve got nothin.” conundrum that I was contemplating for the first 20 minutes of my drive.
Be careful what you wish for.
You might get it.

Side Note: I tried to post this at 6:40 this morning, so as to have something new for you readers and you lurkers . . . only MY blog seems to be going crazy and I couldn’t get it to open. . nor would it open at 1 A.M. last night (this morning), so who knows.


Faltenin said...

Lucky day.

You know you won't be able to drive across that bridge again without thinking about it, without gripping the wheel?

When that happens, just take a deep breath, it'll pass...

meghansdiscontent said...

Faltenin - I hope you're wrong! I doubt it, but I hope. I drive across that bridge at least twice a day. Most days, 4 to 6 times. I hope I don't have to relive that every time.

Bone said...

Oh, dear. I'm so glad you're OK!

Only internally screaming?

Actually, I had my wreck-that-didn't-happen a couple of weeks ago. I think I was silent, too. Just sort of waiting to hit something.

So glad you're OK...

Coyote Mike said...

I think, with all this experiance, you should become a stunt driver for movies. Then, you could hang out in California, meet all the pretty boys, drive like hell, and still get home in time for dinner.

I'm glad you're ok, but I think we need to set up some rules, like you aren't allowed to scare us like that for another year.

Anonymous Assclown said...

I've been working on the obligatory "Ted Kennedy" reference but I can't seem to put anything together. So I may have to resort to the standard "Southerner's can't drive for shit" schtick.

beachgirl said...

oh good heavens!! Gurl you have got the angels working overtime these days!! I know I shouldn't laugh b/c I am so thankful you are alright but I have to admit, I was cracking up, the thoughts of you in that humongus vehicle and it spinning around- you being as calm as a cucumber... It's all too much! BTW, I usually crack the windows when I go over a bridge... This girl I know, her cousin will stop her car and put on a life jacket before she goes over a bridge- no lie... The south is full of colorful people!! Including you!!

Jenni said...

Veeerrry smart thinking about putting the windows down! I'd say it's definitely a quality to be appreciated that you can still think practically while facing death.
Luv u Megs, be careful!!

trueborn said...

Megs, who's Britt?
Is she a friend of yours?

Trix said...

Thank GOD you're alright. I'd have missed you! ;)

mrshife said...

You certainly do have a topic to blog about. Glad you are OK.

Drunken Chud said...

smart thinkin, and way to keep your cool. a year ago myself and two of my buds were heading to the casino in after a snow storm (the bar kicked us out, we wanted to play poker. don't judge me). anyhow, we're rounding a curve and my buddy starts to slide. the other passenger and i are calmly issuing words of encouragement, ie. "you got it man" "now come back right" "keep your motherfucking foot off that brake pedal". suddenly, mid spin he does the stupid... he hits the brakes. the backseat passenger and i just looked at him and said, "what'd you do that for?". but you seriously have imagine all of that being said so calmly as to be almost aloof. so, i know where ya come from.

Leila said...

lucky you! makes you realise just how fragile life is, huh?

qwer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
meghansdiscontent said...

Bone - Yes, babe, only internally screaming . . . I'm a woman. Not a mouse. :) Though, maybe a TINY eek slipped out. Maybe. I remember reading about your near-accident and thinking "I hope that never happens to me." Uh huh, see what happened.

Mike - Eh, pretty boys don't interest me that much. Smart boys . . where are they? Can someone send me to Seattle. I read somewhere that Seattle had the highest percentage of educated people.

Anon Cow - Explain to me how this happens. Yesterday's post, I would have loved for you to read and comment on. I would not be the least bit embarrassed. Todays post, you read and comment on. Yep.

Beachgirl - LIFE JACKET??? You gotta love the South. We bring our crazies out and sit em on the front porch for all to marvel at. We don't hide them in the basement like the Yanks. :)

Jenni - I take after my mother. I respond correctly at the time, completely calm and reasonable, then hours later when no one's around I break down TOTALLY. I figure it will hit me about, oh, say 2 AM.

Trueborn - Hardy har har, punk. :) You know I lost my anonymity last week. And YOU of all people know EXACTLY who Britt is. . . which is evidenced by your comfortability shortening my name.

Trix - And, from Hell - where I would be Vice President - I would have missed you!

MrShife - Here's hoping tomorrow's topic is less eventful.

Drunken Chud - laughing so hard! Because I KNOW what you're talking about. I have a VERY similar story. Regarding trees.

Leila - Oh, yeah. :)

Indiana said...

Megs, so glad you're ok, and that the nerves and shakes have settled enough to write about it.

We used to call what you experienced "slow time"...everything seems to just slow down so the brain can make incredibly complex and rational decisions while in reality everything in the world is a happening at "fast time", to an observer it seems like you just seem cool and collected and know exactly waht to do in a crisis...

So glad you decided against going for a swim, I hear the river is cold this time of year ~grin~

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

Ew I was all scared reading that!! Thank God you were okay!!
Stuff like that is so scarey, I know. And close calls like that make you drive like an 80 year woman with both hands at the wheel seat pushed up as far as it goes the rest of the way home.
Shoot. I'm really really really glad you lucked out. You better not have been speeding missy (you've already admitted to your speed demon ways). I KNOW black ice comes out of nowhere and gives you no control over things but you be careful out there. Don't give me a heart attack I'm too young.

Adam said...

You're ace.

meghansdiscontent said...

Indiana - Who is this "we" you speak of? Are you/were you working for one of those crash test companies that everyone is trying to sign me up for??? Though, I do enjoy the Polar Bear Club. I just would rather not take my pretty vehicle down with me.

Laurie - I was not speeding! I swear on a stack of bibles. NO speading. I saw the build up of ice on the sides and knew I was in a dangerous zone. I was UNDER the speed limit which has NEVER happened. Though, I promise I will give you a heart attack if you do not email me with that Yahoo stuff!!!

Adam - AAAAADDDDDAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!! Are you back, love, are you back???? I've missed you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much!!! And a few more so's. YAY! I want to know all about the gorgeous vacation .. . . and need some explanations for some of those pictures!!! What the buddha . . . Yay! So happy you're back. SMOTHERING you with hugs and kisses. MISSED YOU! How's . . everything??? You still completely in LURV!??!! Why am I addressing an email to you in my comments????? When I can do it in your comments! :)

Steph said...

Do you believe in guardian angels yet?

Drunken Chud said...

OOOH! A TREE STORY! i have one too. it involved me driving and sliding out of control straight towards a tree. i turned, looked at my buddy and said, "heh, look, a tree." i regained control at the last second, crisis averted. he looked at me and said, "that's all you could come up with? 'look, a tree'? i don't even know you anymore."

Coyote Mike said...

Remember the rules, no more than ONE scare per year, young lady, or I'm going to move Chud into your bedroom and feed him lots of refried beans.

janestarr said...

Good lord Megs!! Pumping the brakes is the best thing you could have done. That is simply crazy but I am glad you are safe.

Drunken Chud said...

mike... do you hate megs? i mean, that's the only reason i can think of for a threat like that. that's just... cruel. though, until the beans kicked in, i'd have a helluva time in the bedroom. err... umm... ya know, assuming... aww fuck it.

Coyote Mike said...

Just warnings and consequences, that's all.