Oh holy Buddha.
This is the crap that happens to me.
The good news is, good things happened to temper the bad.
I’m a stupid girl.
I decide to go run by the river.
Tired of the circular track in my neighborhood.
I drive down there.
Remember to roll up my windows, but forget to close the sunroof.
I come back from running.
Open up the back end of the SUV to throw in my sweaty shirt and put on a clean one.
BIG SCARY (yes, scary, damnit! It’s a rodent!) SQUIRREL!!!!
Staring at me.
Malice in his eyes.
He must have fell through the sunroof.
I scream and run like a little girl.
He makes a chatter sound and runs too.
I would like to say he was charging me.
At the time, it felt like it.
But, I guess he was just trying to get out of my vehicle.
My Florida State Seminoles (yes, mine, I own a college team, uh huh) beat Duke.
I drive from the river to the gas station.
Town of almost 85,000 people with the colleges in session.
I have a ponytail on top of my head, no make-up, fully flushed from running, sweat running down every inch of my friggin body because it’s Arkansas and even though I was snowed in a week ago, it’s 80 degrees tonight.
Bleck bleck bleck.
Roadkill looks better than me.
Pumping gas and I hear:
“Well look who’s here.”
And he’s with a friend.
Friend: “Is this the girl?? Hmmm . . nice rack.”
Good to see he surrounds himself with asses as big as he is.
I had visions of myself lifting my Yoga Pant clad leg and kicking him in the windpipe.
“Yeah, well, nice to see you guys.”
I left my phone in the vehicle when I went to my brother’s to watch the rest of the FSU/Duke game and the end of the Arkansas/MSU game.
I go out to my truck afterwards and I have a voicemail from a number I don’t recognize.
Turns out it’s Mr. Clean’s friend.
“Just thought I’d let you know you really screwed up. Mark really liked you. Though, I don’t understand that. I just saw you and to be honest, you’re not all that.”
Question: Who IS all that when they’re in running clothes, 1980's high ponytail and no makeup?? Not to mention the oodles of sweat.
Arkansas killed Mississippi State.
Modica was hitting three's like nobody’s business.
Brewer couldn’t be stopped.
Townes was working it.
Hill was blocking.
Whew . .. Sorry kids, had a bit of a basketball rush.
So there’s my night.
Though, I left out the fact that I fell on my run.
And instead of protecting my already broken hip (though, relatively well healed), my mind said: “This is an expensive MP3 player, PROTECT IT!”
So instead of catching myself, I try and cushion the fall for the MP3 player.
What a genius.
A limping genius at that.