Monday, March 20, 2006

Just Words

I want to write you a letter.
Telling you everything I feel.
Everything I fear.
Everything I hope.
But it all comes out jumbled.

Letters? Who does that anymore?
I started a poem.
Or prose.
However you want to look at it, but I divurged.
This is what I started with:

There are places inside me
That must have been sleeping
Maybe they didn't exist
Before you

There are dreams I now have
That I couldn't have fathomed
Maybe they wouldn't have made sense
Before you

There are fears I'm overcoming
That I didn't know I had
Maybe they were buried
Before you

But it wasn't enough.
It didn't tell you anything I hadn't said before.
You should know all these things now.
But I keep writing them.
And destroying them.
Lighting them with matches.
Burning them in my grill.
Because it's not like I grill.
So it should be used for something.
Something useful.
Something with purpose.
Unlike the words that were written on the page.

I want to write you a letter.
But there is no way to express . . .
I wish there were words.
But they haven't been invented yet.
Words that tell you how I feel when we speak.
How my heart skips beats.
How my breath is stolen.
How my chest tightens.
How my mind blanks.

So instead I ramble.
Endlessly onward.
Re-using tired words.
Quoting to you song lyrics.
Because they say it better than I ever could.
Thinking of old movie lines.
Everything reminds me of you.
But nothing describes you.
Nothing describes this.
And that is how I know it must be real.

Before, I always had words.
They were always enough.
That should have been a sign to me.
Because true love can never be expressed.
It is a feeling.
Something that encompasses you.
Drowns you.
Overtakes you.
Overwhelms you.

But it's not something you can express.
Not in just words.
Never in just words.
Because, in the end, they're always
Just Words.


theresa said...

This love business ... it's a terribly upsetting and painful thing. If it weren't so damn wonderful we'd surely go to great lengths to avoid it.

Ancient Clown said...

I like your words...but you're right, actions are mine, in the from of a Riddle...If you dare.(tee hee)

I've always said; "To understand Love, you must first become Love and look from Love's perspective."

Keep emoting and breathe DEEP Breathe SLOW.

Your humble servant
Ancient Clown

Jenni said...

Words are worthless when it comes to expressing love. While I must say that they are necessary for most of, it's the actions that count. I hope he's returning all your feelings ten fold.

Rolligun said...

I think you answered the problem, incidentally, with words.

I agree that you can’t always pronounce “love” with words alone,

but words can be more than powerful,
people live for them and die by them,
change there lives because of them,
its "just words" if that's what you want them to be,
but don’t underestimate the lexis.

So show him something other than words,

show him yourself.

Scorpy said...

Thanks for painting another great picture. You words are truly amazing. The feeling that is conveyed is always heartfelt. Brilliant

Steph said...

Rolli said it best. Listen to Rolli.

trueborn said...

My sentiments exactly Steph

Drunken Chud said...

sigh... fine, i lost. but ONLY if he makes you happy will i concede defeat.

Your Bestgirlfriend said...

Hi Meghan,

I have never posted a comment on your blog before, but I read it often and really enjoy it =)
I found your blog from reading Laurie's.
I just wanted to tell you what a wonderful writer I think you are. You truly put into words the feelings of love that are undescribable.
Well done.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

I'm posting this so that I can be under Melissa.
She likes being on top.

Your Bestgirlfriend said...

Thanks alot for telling everyone one of my secrets. Now, I'll have to tell everyone how you love to pick your nose and eat it!!
Ahhhaaahhaaaa!! You know I'm only kidding, girlfriend =p

MappyB said...

Rolligun has a great comment; I can't offer better words than that.

auburn said...

They may seem like only words, but we all have different avenues of showing ourselves, and words are yours. Words are mine. Words are Rolli's, words are Trueborn's.

You write beautifully, you feel, love and BE beautifully. Nothing wrong with showing him all that through words. Besides, words can be one of the greatest gifts.

meghansdiscontent said...

Theresa - Well said.

Ancient clown - Good advice.

Jenni - Thank you!!

Rolli - I'm trying. I really am. But I think your words answered my problems far more than my own. Your point of view means a lot to me. Thank you.

Scorpy - You are too kind, truly! And don't worry, there will be days I disappoint. I'm relatively sure tomorrows post will be a great example of that!

Steph - That Rolli, he's too smart for his own good sometimes. He actually made me tear up.

Trueborn - WHAT!?!?! No words of wisdom from you either??

Chud - We shall see, we shall.

Your Bestgirlfriend - Hola! I read your comments on Laurie's all the time and think you're fabulous! Thank you for the high praise, chica.

Laurie - You crack my stuff up!

Your bestgirlfriend - You two! I swear.

MappyB - Yeah, we adore him around here. (wonder if his head's swelling, as I write this)

Auburn - Thank you so much. Auburn, girl, how in the world do you strike to the heart of things so quickly, so concisely EVERY time?

janestarr said...

This was beautiful Meg, I loved it. I loved the poem (the start of it). I think if you keep ruminating you'll come up with something just as good as anything published. Everyone senses life a little differently, don't discount your insights.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

mybestgf - that was that ONE time when I didn't have kleenex!

Drunken Chud said...

i reserve the right to continue my half ass pursuit should he fail.

Your Bestgirlfriend said...

Buggy - Excuses, excuses....