Wednesday, April 12, 2006

If He Does One More Sweet, Perfect, Proves-He-Knows-Me-Deep-Down Thing, I'm Going to Have to Kill Myself


As though it's not enough that he proclaimed his love for me (for over 5 years!) in one of the sweetest emails ever.
As though it's not enough that he offered me, and truly would give me one, a kidney.
He does this:

Textmail: Baby, is there something you forgot to tell me??

Because I'm completely paranoid lately (for good reason), and because I hate hurting people, I start racking my brain.
What could this be about?
Did he call my brother and find out what the doctor said this morning?
Did he talk to Cody and find out that I had a semi-psuedo-date thing arranged for tonight?
What, what, what???

Textmail: Ummm . . . I don't think so.

And for 15 minutes, I continue to go nucking futs crazy trying to figure out what kind of trouble I'm in.

Textmail: I think you did. And I think it was on purpose. I'm calling you at noon.

Holy crap.
I'm in trouble.

Me: Umm, Hi.
Bryan: So why didn't you tell me?
Me: I don't even get a hi?
Bryan: Hi. Why didn't you tell me?
Me: I really REALLY don't know what you're talking about.
Bryan: You didn't bother to mention that this weekend was the Razorbacks first Spring Game.

Every muscle in my body unclenches and I almost jump out of my chair in relief.

Me: Why would I tell you?
Bryan: Because I know you want to go.
Me: Well, yeah.
Bryan: I can fly in Friday night, if you want. We can go to the game Saturday and I'll fly back out here Saturday night. I don't want you to miss the game and I know no one else really cares about going.

He's going to FLY for ONE DAY from FL to AR to take me to a spring football game??
Nu uh.

Me: You can't be serious.
Bryan: I know how you feel about your Hogs and I wouldn't mind seein what Dick's been workin on, especially if they're really red shirting Mustain. If you want to go, tell me now, so I can work out the flight arrangements.

He's SERIOUS and, big smile here, he knows my Razorbacks and their plans for play. Gotta admire a man that appreciates college football. Especially SEC football. Especially Arkansas football. Even if Houston Nutt is a moron.

Me: Oh, Bryan, that's okay, really. Mike's going to get the play tape for me, so I can see what they're doing. And I was just in Fayetteville last weekend. Plus, I already made plans. I'm going to be in Hot Springs Friday and Saturday.
Bryan: Are you sure? You're not just saying that because you don't want me to go to any trouble?
Jayzus, does he know me or what??

Me: No, seriously. I am going to be in Hot Springs. And Mike assures me he can get the play tapes. It's not a big deal.
Bryan: Okay, if you're sure. But if you change your mind, call me later tonight and I'll book the flights.
Me: No, it's good, I promise.
Bryan: Okay. Hey, did you see Deeb win in Aruba?
Me: Against that 20-yr old that can't even play tournament in the States yet?
Bryan: You watched!
Me: Ummm, yah, it's poker, hello???!!?? That kid was LUUUUCKYYYY, he should have been eliminated WAY earlier. The river saved his butt two or three times.
Bryan: He was makin crazy stupid bets.

This is why he's one of the best friends EVARR!!!
This is why I'm so scared I'm going to lose him as a friend!
True, Indy, I swear, I'm trying to get over the past and maybe try something with him.
But, the feelings weren't there before . . why would they suddenly show up?
But I do want to keep him as a friend.
Because he knows me so well.
And because I love him.
As a friend.

Poker AND willing to fly hundreds of miles JUST to take me to a Spring exhibition??
I'm the dumbest girl alive.


Indiana said...

I'll step out onto the limb...

The last line...I agree with 100%.

Johnny said...

I say you milk this cow til its bone dry.


Drunken Chud said...

you can't force it hon. if you're not sure, you're not sure. besides, you're saving yourself for me. everyone knows that.

janestarr said...

See that just sucks, great guy, no spark...IT ISN'T FAIR!!!! Just be honest and open and if it is meant to happen than one drunken night things will happen and you will see...did you like that? Isn't it romantic? Yah, I thought so ;)

Coyote Mike said...

I've heard that the best and worst thing in the world can be being in love with your best friend. For him, he can see a life where he gets to spend every day with a friend and lover. For you, the worst could be losing the friend because you can't see him as a lover.

But think about this: when its all said and done, would growing old with him really be that bad?

ChickyBabe said...

It is possible for feelings that were never there before to surface unexpectedly. Trust your heart :).

Steph said...

What chicky said. I got nothinn'. I'm relationship retarded remember :)

Ang said...


Faltenin said...

I wonder how patient a Bryan can be...

meghansdiscontent said...

Indy - BE NICE! Punk. I know you say it out of caring and concern, but still. (It IS out of caring and concern, right???)

Johnny - Oh good Lord. :)

Chud - Of course they do, babe. They know you're my ideal.

Janestarr - THANK YOU for understanding! :) You are a true romantic at heart, chica.

Coyote - Hmmm . . is growing old with a gorgeous model who's viciously intelligent, ambitious, sports addicted and madly in love with me that bad. I gotta go with NO. But is it fair to him to put him in a relationship when he could find someone who is so in love with him that they can't see straight???

Chicky - Very good and sound advice. Thank you, girl!

Steph - You are NOT relationship retarded! Good gracious. But you got it right, Chickybabe's got the right idea.

Ang - Honey, fly your gorgeous self over here and I'll get ya one. Good ole Southern Boy who'd move Heaven and Earth for you.

Fal - I don't know. . . and I'm scared I'm going to find out.

Jenni said...

The old..."Why didn't you tell me?" us heart attacks! Too many possibilities, no matter who's asking!!!

Ang said...

ooooooooh, don't tempt me!

Trix said...

Look, Lady. I'm going to say something, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way. YOU'RE A DOPE!!!

If you DON'T love him, that's one thing. But if you do, or even think it's possible that you do, tell him to get his ass on a plane this very minute. Don't let fear run your life.

Besides...mine flew 9000 miles to see me on a whim. Look how good that worked out for me!

trueborn said...

Sorry Megs
That was preemptive.

He will not wait forever.
He will move on and he will become another regret.
The chance is there before you. You're not taking it like a dumbass.
But hey that is your perogative.
The only you would rather date men who treat you like garbage and random men you met here and there before giving this man a chance?
uh uh.
This isn't about spark, Babe. This is about you and what you think you deserve. Somewhere along the way someone convinced you that you didn't deserve it all. He's hot, he's good to you, and he wants you now.
But what about you?
You're hysterical, you're loving, and you're a knockout, Bryan knows this, why can't you?

Step up and live a little Megs. You deserve it all.

meghansdiscontent said...

Jenni - Tell me about it!!! I swear. He's trying to kill me. It's payback for me constantly turning him down!

Ang - COME ON!!!!!!!!!!

Trix - On a whim. Chick, please. He flew because he KNEW he was already madly in love with you! :) And maybe some friends nudged things a bit. Maybe. Not saying yes or no. Just saying maybe. BUT, Bryan's different. He lives here. He's just out of town on business from late last week to early next week. I refuse to call him away from business for ONE day for a SPRING football game. We can both wait. And yes, yes I am a dope. I admit this readily.

True - Yes, I know he won't wait forever. He's already waited far too long . . . even if I didn't know it. You're right. I don't think I deserve it all. I think I'm already so blessed, it scares me for anything else to go right. I keep thinking everything is going to fall away. And you're biased!!! You think I'm all those things because you're nuts and wonderful and one of the best friends anyone could have. But I am stepping up. I told Indy today. Bryan and I have scheduled our first REAL honest-to-God date for when he gets back. Well, first real one since we dated, kinda, a few years ago. Indy made me promise to hold his hand and have a real kiss at the end of the date. I promised. SO, I'm caving people. I'm going to try. I REALLY am going to try. I swear, I swear, I swear.

Trix said...

Britts: You crack me up! The innuendo is FLYING everywhere...MAYBE "friends nudged a bit," my ass!

Love you!


Guin said...

Megs, you dont have to fall in love with him. he is a great friend by I dont think you want to grow old with some one you dont love.

SEC I2esource said...