Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A Boring Day In the Life

Whomever left the comment below about my absence being secondary to the addition of a new man in my life must have been male.
Only males think that a woman’s world stops because he enters her life.
I assure you, there is no new man.

My life has been turned inside out, upside down and sideways lately.
Work has compounded, once again.
The beginning of the summer months always brings with it an onslaught of social requirements, not to mention re-certification and licensing seminars/conferences.
And my health, per usual, has not been cooperating with my needs.
What are the chances?
But to give you an idea of the schedule of the last weekend/early week:

4:00 AM to 7:45 AM - Emergency hospital trip.
8:00 AM to 10:00 AM - Off and on attempts to sleep off the effects of the hospital trip while fielding phone calls, faxes and emails questioning my absence from work and replacement therapists.
10:00 AM - purchase of concert tickets.
10:30 AM - brother bursts into the house to procure concert tickets and will not leave until I agree to shower, dress and accompany him on a shopping expedition/ lunch outting.
4:00 PM - return home.
5:00 PM - leave for a Girl’s Night Out.
5:30 PM - Midnight - Dinner, movie, etc with females. Somehow the dinner turns into a "Men are dogs, especially my husband/fiancee/boyfriend" whine session. Since I have no husband, fiancee or boyfriend, I can only lend a sympathetic ear and caustic comments.
Midnight - 3:00 AM - read "The Great Influenza" and watch "The Lion in Winter" because I can’t sleep due to the pain in my back.

8:00 AM to 11:00 AM - Business conference.
11:30 AM to 6:30 PM - cliff jumping, diving, swimming, boating, etc at the lake with friends - ill advised, I know, but I wanted to swim, durnit. I wanted to dive. I wanted to hurl myself off a cliff. I wanted to pretend for a few hours that I was normal. Sue me.
8:00 PM to 2:00 AM - Stephen’s medical school graduation festivities and subsequent celebration.

5:12 AM to 8:30 AM - Emergency hospital trip. I love it when they know your name when you walk in the door. Wonderful. Shouldn’t I get a discount with this much regularity?
9:00 AM - Church with Jeff and Ashley.
12:30 PM - house cleaning, laundry, etc.
3:00 PM - trip to Lowe’s with my brother where his friends pimped me out to one of their co-workers. Despite my extreme argument against such activities, not to mention my complete non-cooperation. Now, a 32-yr old Lowe’s employee thinks I may acquiesce to a date. Ummm . . my interests lie elsewhere - in fact, much further elsewhere. But a big "Thanks" to Burkes and Gabe for making my already convoluted love life more complicated. You guys are wonderful. I mean it. I should bake you cookies. Punks.
4:30 PM - landscaping, anchoring trees, spreading mulch, washing vehicles, other outside activities.
8:00 PM - get kidnaped by Gabe and Burkes to my brother’s house where the boys are cooking out, drinking beer and discussing how they are going to get the 32 yr old Lowe’s employee to buy them alcohol for setting him up with me. Lord save me. Please. Really. They do realize that when he calls and I don’t answer the phone, they won’t be getting any reward - right???
1:00 AM - return home, converse with a friend until 2:30 AM because I can’t sleep. Pain has become rather excruciating, yet I refuse to go to the hospital . . . again.

3:48 AM - give up, drive myself to the hospital. When they still haven’t released me by 8:00 AM, I surreptitiously use my new Blackberry and stealthily hidden cell phone to convince friends and relatives that I’m at work (and co-workers that I took a personal day to go to the lake) so that no one will worry.
11:00 AM - released. Home. Lie around, wait on the stupid pain pills to wear off so I’m not a zombie bride.
2:00 PM - begin to get ready for Stephen’s going away party.
3:00 PM - go to save my brother. Gabe has text mailed me that brudder is at Lowe’s and can’t find his truck keys. Find out it’s all a ruse to let Kevin see me dolled up for a night out (as opposed to pony-tailed, no make-up, in athletic capris, sports bra and a t-shirt to perform landscaping duties). Blame Hydrocodone and Skelaxin for convincing me to believe such an obvious lie to begin with. Cunning fraternity boys.
4:30 PM - arrive at Stephen’s, cry a lot because my best friend of 8 years is moving 13 hours away, repair damaged makeup and travel to the going away party while planning ways to move to Cleveland without anyone but Stephen noticing. Ummm, right.
6:30 - 9:30 PM - Going away party - where I come to terms with the fact that Stephen really is going to leave me. He really, really is. And for the last time at a social occasion in Arkansas, pretend to be my gay best friend’s girlfriend . . . since there are STILL only a handful of people who know he is gay. (And his young adult church group isn’t included in that handful. Neither are his parents.)
9:30 - 10:00 PM - cry uncontrollably while driving home because I have had no sleep, my best friend’s leaving and life seems to stink pretty much in general. Plus, I don’t want to retake the licensing exam and the Praxis to become certified to perform therapy in Ohio - at least not right now. So much for moving.
10:00 PM - arrive at my brother’s to be comforted by him and Burkes, instead get random hugs, awkward boy moments of "What do we do with the crying girl?? Ummm . . hurry, get her a beer. Uh, she can’t have beer, umm, put a puppy in her arms." and finally start to laugh until I can not breathe when Burkes decides the only way to cheer me up is to put on really loud rap music and dance around me like a crazed lunatic. Sometime during all this I manage to semi-lie to a man via phone. So as not to make him worry. Is it worse to hide problems from someone who can’t change them, or just dump them all on him and hope he will not worry?? Hide. Hide. Hide.
11:30 PM - arrive home and converse with a friend because I, again, can not sleep.

2:30 AM - finally fall to sleep.
4:30 AM - alarm goes off for work.
6:00 AM - 2:00 PM - work. The day is cut short when I discover my afternoon appointments at one particular center have been cancelled, without my knowledge, for an impromptu field trip to the zoo. Monday off and an 8-hr day on Tuesday?? Has Hell frozen over??
2:30 PM - meet brother in Little Rock to return half the things he purchased on his shopping trip Friday.
5:00 PM - can no longer ignore the fact that I’ve urinated blood throughout the day and break down to go to the hospital. Again. To pee in a jug, as per instructions received at LAST hospital visit.
7:00 PM - dinner meeting with therapists which turns into a 3 hour bitch session fueled by alcohol. None of which I can/should/do drink.
10:00 PM - arrive at my brother’s house to drop off presents purchased for him . . just because he’s my brudder. Drive brudder, Gabe and Burkes crazy because I’m delirious from no sleep combined with narcotics and think it’s hilarious to wander around, a la "The Little Rascals" singing: I’ve got two pickles, I’ve got two pickles, I’ve got two pickles, hey hey hey hey. I have NO idea why this popped into my head, why I thought it hilarious to repeat it over and over or why they laughed so hard at it forever before finally going "Seriously, it was funny the first twenty times, now you just sound crazy." They leave for a night of debauchery - inviting me along, I politely refuse, knowing that if I were to go . . . it would lead to badness.
11:00 PM - home, again. Can’t sleep, again. Converse with friend until 2:00 AM, again. Cycle repeats.

Interesting life, yes?
See, no new man.
Just drug induced delirium, insomnia, lies by omission and general busy-ness.
With some "Little Rascals" thrown in for fun.
Nothing particularly blog worthy - hence the hiatus.
But look at me, bowing to peer pressure and blogging NOTHING of any import.


Carl from L.A. said...

Most people's lives aren't exciting. I can summarize mine in four words: sleep, work, aerobics, babysit. Nothing else. My wife and I are finally going out, sans kids, for the first time this year, on Memorial Day.

I am concerned about your daily trips to the ER and insomnia.

Officially Fabulous said...

Oh Brit~ I must say... not at ALL boring, actually, I don't know how you do it- I'm exhausted after reading that- PLEASE take care of you... I can't imagine how you do it all. One hell of a woman you are, yes indeed, one hell of a woman! ~hugs~
~Fab : )

Coyote Mike said...

See, compared to my life, you're like a secret agent, a supermodel, G.I. Joe (or Jane), Dr. Zivago, and George Burns all rolled into one.

Jenni said...

Sending vibes your way for health and happiness. You need and deserve them. But I have to be honest, I am selfish and miss reading your blog. *Love and hugs for you**

alison said...

i just had to comment on your first few comments about men thinking they are the only thing that must take up time in a female's life. i was just about to blog and bitch about a similar thought. why oh why must their head be in their asses?! wishes for health and happies..good luck.

Ang said...

Hey sweets! I enjoyed the wee insight into your life! I am glad to hear that despite health problems you are still finding time to jump off cliffs...most people dont take out enough time for this!

email coming....

Anonymous said...

okay i actually just wrote that because i was hoping it would get you to write again, not because I'm a guy and I believe that men take up all of women's thought life. because i'm not a man, i am in fact a woman!

as for alison, I really like your blog, but as I read through it I noticed almost every single entry pertains to boys, men, dating. Hmmmm....

janestarr said...

Well, honey it does seem pretty busy. I am sorry that it was painful instead of fun. I hope that changes and you get busy with other things besides the hospital visits.

Oswald Croll said...

Hope you are doing well hun, and I do know that men are not the end-all be-all, Most of the time they take a back seat to a good toy and a spare set of D batteries.


Anonymous said...

Stop being an idiot.

Faltenin said...

I hope you get busy with some more fun stuff soon, Britts...

Barry S. said...

Goodness! I know how little fun emergency room visits are, since I had to go a couple months ago myself. I feel for ya.

Here's to things improving during the summertime!

Steph said...

Hope you're ok sweets.

Scorpy said...

Sounds like my last weekend (see last weekends post). I'm as busy as a one legged man in a three legged race..."Flat out like a Lizard drinking" (classic Aussie saying for overworked). Take care Brit and have a great weekend. Relax and do something for YOU xx

Anonymous said...

Don't let him get to you. He's proved he's not worth it and you're worth better than that.

Drunken Chud said...

i miss my britt. and this hiatus is doing nothing for my level of concern.

Officially Fabulous said...

Hope you're doing alright babe, making us nervous here....
~Fab : (

PJ said...

Okay....I've had enough.


(and I don't even comment that often)

Hope you're okay doll (i'm assuming you are cause Robin hasn't said anything worrisome on her side of Blogger World - she just keeps me laughing). Prayin for you!!

Erik Mann said...

great topic, keep up the great posts, MMA