I almost died tonight. Again.
I realized, rather lately, that I was completely out of a very necessary prescription. Therefore, I loaded up in my SUV and headed to the nearest Walgreens, grabbed my prescription, blared a little Poe and headed home. Now . . . if only that were the end of this pointless ramble.
I reached a four way stop, patiently waited my turn then accelerated through the intersection. Only to slam on the brakes (stupidly) and begin hyperventilating when some A-hole in an even bigger (who knew THAT was possible) SUV stopped, LITERALLY one stinking inch from my driver’s side door. I was the deer in the headlights. A moment of silent awe, please.
But, it wasn’t enough for Jerko to almost kill me. No, no. He had to get out of his vehicle and feign irateness!! He started screaming at poor, defenseless, innocent ME. Waving his arms, hollering in his Ebonics laced English and making a general bastard of himself. Well, I’d had it. Today wasn’t the best day for me either, buddy, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you start screaming at me for YOUR inability to drive! Are you out of your everlovin' mind?!?!?!
So (stupidly, again), I crawl over my console and out my passenger door, walk around the front of the vehicle and start yelling back at his ignorant ass. Waving my arms just as spastically and getting within an inch of his face.
Now, this guy bore a strong resemblance to Jerome Bettis and was, in essence, driving a bus: the Chevy Subarban XL. I’m noticeably smaller and in a slightly smaller (Toyota Sequoia) vehicle. He could beat me up and then run over my SUV in a heartbeat, but I was so pissed at this point that it didn’t matter.
I was just about to commit a massive faux pas by uttering something about his heritage when the occupants of the vehicles at the other two stop signs got out and another rather large guy took my side: “I don’t know what you’re acting like a jackass about, it was her right of way!” Which, automatically, reverted me to my third grade self . . . I’m standing behind this stranger yellin’ “Yeah!” every third word he said. I almost stuck my tongue out at Jerome, but decided that was taking it a bit too far, and I was far too classy for such nonsense. You guys believe that, right? That I’m classy? It’s beyond amazing that I haven’t been shot.
In the end, the Good Samaritan finally convinced Jerome to get in his vehicle and back up so I could get into my vehicle without lumbering through the passenger seat and over the console. I was still seething, but happy that there are still a few good men out there who will come to a lady’s rescue (no snickering at the “lady” reference or . . . I don’t know what I’ll do, but it won’t be pretty).
So, this was the BAD stupid thing I did tonight.You’ll get a summary of the HUMOROUS stupid things I did tonight at a later time.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .