Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Hit and Run

Gitano or Get-On-Me

So, I’m minding my own business this morning, perusing the online news before reading my daily papers when I discover an article entitled Love is . . . a pair of really good jeans.” According to Reuter’s “for most women, the choice between sex and a new wardrobe is simple - - they go for the clothes.” What???

The article went on to say that women polled stated they would give up sex for 15 months for a closet full of new clothes. Three percent said they would give up sex for three years for new clothes! And again, I exclaim, What???

Now, typically, I attempt to refrain from discussing sex on my blog. I don’t want relationships or fornication to be the focus here. That’s not to say I’m against either of them, or blogs that are about them, not at all. It’s just to say I don’t want that to be my content base. However, I’m breaking that rule today.

Are these women INSANE?? I can barely go two weeks without sex. Particularly if it’s GOOD. Let alone great. I’d trade my complete wardrobe – and it’s a pretty damn good wardrobe, if I do say so myself – for ONE night of mind-blowing sex.

Luckily, I don’t have to. I manage to have both. But that’s not the point.

The point is that these women have lost their ever lovin’ minds. This part:

Sixty-one percent of women polled said it would be worse to lose their favorite article of clothing than give up sex for a month.

"Some people say clothes make the man, but the right clothes can even replace him," fashion designer, stylist and TV personality Carson Kressley from the reality TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" said in a statement accompanying the poll.

The study also suggested that clothes often wear better than relationships.

Well, let’s just say that this part bowled me over. Men being replaced by clothes??? Is THIS what we’re coming to?? Honestly . . . Seriously. . . No kidding . . .

No wonder marriage is at an all-time failure rate. Apparently, a vast majority of women would rather have an amazing pair of Melani shoes than an outstanding man.

Well, to those women, I want to say thank you. Let me reiterate – THANK YOU! You take your new jeans and stilettos. Leave the outstanding men out there for those of us with SENSE to find.

While I'm Internally Yelling "WHAT?????" . . . .

One of my six year old therapy kids wowed me with this lyrical masterpiece during "Song Time" in therapy today. Brace yourself. This is strong stuff:

My girl's got a girlfriend
And we be breakin' girls in
If you don want my dick up in her
Keep her way from here then

I would like to thank Young Dro and the (cough, cough) parents of this child for that musical highlight of my day.

My Mom's Insane, It's a Good Thing I'm Nothing Like Her, or ummm Exactly Like Her, Whichever

My mother purchased a brand, spankin', new Toyota 4-Runner in August.
She has maybe 7,000 miles on it TOPS.

She calls me Saturday to inform me that she wants to trade it in.
"I'm just not happy with it. I should have bought the Sequoia like yours, but I couldn't see spending an extra $15,000 for it."

Ummm, yeah, so, umm, what's changed now? Other than the fact that you're going to spend MORE money. You're gonna go upside down in the 4-Runner AND pay the extra $15,000 for the Sequoia, so instead of just the extra fifteen to begin with you're now probably talkin' an extra eighteen or twenty.

Whatever, chick. It's your retirement fund. When it's gone, it's gone. Don't come cryin to me. You and dad can sell the house and live in your ginormous vehicle. I'll bring you cans of food from Price Saver and extra blankets when it's cold. Kisses!

And, yes, I realize I drive the exact same ginormous vehicle - but there's (to quote my brother) "still a chance she might have a family some day and need all that room." She's had her family. Us. And, in case she hasn't noticed, we've been out of the nest for a while.


11 comments:

Traveling Chica said...

Well, just remember, statistics often only tell part of the story.

For instance, if a certain woman who had been celibate a LONG time were to answer, she may say something like, "Well, it's been so long now, and who knows when that's going to end, I might as well go for the new closet."

Either way, I'll still agree with you.

meghansdiscontent said...

Chica - See, but I went through a celibate phase, a very celibate phase . And I was the complete opposite. I would have given not only my wardrobe, but my entire house for . . you get the drift. Besides, I think I was much more upset today by my little boy in therapy. I mean, COME ON! He's 6! Why is his mother even playing that song with him in the vicinity?

Dan said...

so where's my deal? i haven't had sex in forever and i don't have a new wardrobe, playstation, or anything. :-(

Carl from L.A. said...

Sex for most people comes with lots of emotional luggage - not saying that yours doesn't, but I can see how some people prefer real luggage instead.

* * *

Aren't people driving big, gas-guzzling SUVs for protection?

meghansdiscontent said...

Dan - Awww, poor Dan. Perhaps fate will provide you with something more outstanding than sex or a new Playstation. Keep your eyes pealed for it and let us know what it is!

Carl - Well, I know that I certainly do. I bought my first Sequoia because I fell in love with it and I got an amazing deal. I bought the second one because the first LITERALLY saved my life. No if's, and's or but's about it. If I remember, I'll post a picture of the one that was destroyed with me in it exactly 2 years ago on Feb. 10th. Perhaps I'll do an anniversary post.

Walter said...

Could be worse, your mom could be wanting a Winnebago.

Traveling Chica said...

I'm just saying, it's more like she said that since she had been celibate that long, she deserved the wardrobe...

Anyway.

I agree: it's sad about your little boy. I love kids to death and hate when parents don't seem to get the whole "they are kids, you're the parent, take care of them" drift.

I was out shopping for a bachelorette party I was having back early in December, and it was probably 9ish at night. A friend of mine and I were shopping together, and in the middle of the fuzzy handcuffs, dice, vibrators, etc., were three little kids (ages 2-8 I'd guess), playing with various displays and listening to the "adults" with them discuss how they planned to use their purchases when they got home.

Some things are just age-inappropriate: that was one of them.

Jason said...

Your six-year-old kid story sums up so much of what is wrong with the world today.

Whatever happened to I've Been Working On The Railroad?

Coyote Mike said...

Parents sometimes need to have their heads beaten in for how they behave around their children.

I haven't had sex since July. But I have bought new clothes. I hope there isn't a corolation.

meghansdiscontent said...

Walter - Eh, it's obvious you don't know my mom! :) She would NEVER drive a Winnebago.

Chica - I did a post a long time ago about how people should have to have a license to pro-create. I may repost that just for you. I think you'd appreciate it - and agree!

Jason - Children aren't children anymore. The more I'm around the next generation the more I realize how bad the world is going to become. What happened to parenting, real parenting?

Coyote - I used the word "parent" very loosely in this post. You have to earn that title. As for the sex vs. wardrobe - I think it best that I not comment. :)

Traveling Chica said...

Oh I think I agree even before reading the post! :)