Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Rant Week: Pardon My Unintentional Ethnicity . . .

Alright. I’ve had enough.
This does it.

It’s only Tuesday. Tuesday, I tell you.
And already I’ve had four, yes four, people tell me I’m “black.”

I’m not offended by this. Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m simply confused. Highly confused. Confounded, even.

If you were to know me in real life, you would quickly say I was the whitest person on the planet. Unless, of course, you did one of two things: Looked in my R&B and Rap CD case (yes, as of Saturday, they are officially in their own 208 containing case) OR watched me dance.
And a certain male acquaintance would also point out that I can throw gang signs. Look, I spent most of my junior high and high school years in a predominately black populated town with an unusually high gang incidence. Yes, in Arkansas. Haven’t you people seen the classic 1992 HBO Special “Bangin’ in Little Rock”?

I do, readily, admit that I pull into the parking lot with my sunroof open and – sometimes – rap music playing. Yesterday, I was playing Jimmy Buffet. Can you get whiter than Jimmy Buffet without crossing into Country?

Today, however, I admit that I was playing Three 6 Mafia. And I may have slipped when Felicia asked “Girl, whatchu bumpin over there?” and threw out our old high school version with “Some triple-six!”

Felicia had told me on Monday, when she heard my phone ring with old school Bone, Thugs and Harmony “Crossroads”: “Meghan, girl please, you black. Face it.”

Shonda said the same thing yesterday afternoon when she saw one of my therapy kids and I dancing.

Then Ms. Harvel said it this morning when she saw me “waggle yo head” when I was on a phone call and getting highly irate with Medicaid.

The last straw was just now when Therese said it again because they were talking about Tyler Perry and I knew who he was. I’m sorry, ummm, but doesn’t EVERYONE know who he is now? It’s not like Diary of a Mad Black Woman wasn’t a box office smash.

Do these things really qualify me as “black”, I ask you?


Carl from L.A. said...


Even my black friends aren't as black as you.

coyotemike said...

That is the only "Bone" song I ever liked. :)

I have no idea about blackness, so I can't really comment on that. I'm so white I glow in the dark :P

Sizzle said...

i'm the whitest girl you'll ever meet and yet i have also been told this. probably because my real name sounds sort of like a "black name"? i don't know?

hey, sistah's got soul. rock on!

Traveling Chica said...

I don't know who he is... *blushes*

I can't handle rap. I really can't. I've tried (okay, not soo much) and it's not for me.

That said, JB is about as white as you can get withou going into country. ;)

Jason said...

...I can throw gang signs.

Just the fact that you say "throw" is telling. White as I am, I would have said "make" gang signs.

Burg said...

I'm terminally white...

Would you mind translating all that "izzle" talk for me?

Jon said...

While I do consider myself a very white person, I have been told from time to time that I'm a "light skin".
Nothing wrong with appreciating good music though.

Walter said...

You're not Black, Asian maybe, but definitely not Black. :P

Bejeweled said...

Reading this was entertaining. K (the ex) is exactly the same way you are, so I can sorta relate, in a non-related manner. He'd listen to all of the black radio stations, listen to their CD's. He'd go to all black clubs and would be the only white guy there. He didn't care. That was him. Not trying to revisit old subjects, but that's what I liked about K. He was diverse and accepting, which sounds just like you. I have to admit though, I'm with coyotemike. I'm so white I glow in the dark! I say enjoy your blackness gurl! Ha, I just said gurl ;)

MappyB said...

I once took a quiz called 'What Race Are You' and I turned out to be 'Black and Proud', when I am in fact, very corn fed white. I am proud of the fact that I dragged my boyfriend to a Blackalicious concert for our anniversary too! :)

sage said...

I liked the line about how you can't get any whiter than listening to Jimmy Buffet without crossing over to country--except that I think some of Jimmy's songs have crossed over.

Good read. thanks (from a white guy who had an afro when he had hair)!

Adam said...

No wonder you're black, look at all the whiteys in your comments section.

Steph said...

I'd take it as a compliment. White people are just so...well...white!

meghansdiscontent said...

I know you guys won't believe me, but I typed out responses to these comments on Thurs and stupid blogger have I mentioned I hate new blogger just ate them. Ate them!

Carl - Ouchie.

Coyote - Really?? You didn't like their collaboration with Notorious B.I.G. Notorious Thugs?? Are you kidding? I have that (brace yourself) tape in my tape deck in the vehicle. It's one of the only tapes I still listen to.

Sizzle - Girl! They do not only call you black because of your name, trust me, there's got to be more to it. Come on, you can admit your soul side to us - no judgement here. :)

Chica - Don't feel bad, girl. My boyfriend didn't know who he was either. I listed off at least 5 of the movies he's acted in/written/directed/produced and some of his plays and he still just said "umm .. no ... sorry." Just in case JB wasn't white enough, I rolled into work listening to Rob Zombie the other day. Oddly enough, no one said anything about me being black. :)

Jason - Man! Are you telling me I'm betraying myself with my terminology? I can't help it. I'm down with the lingo.

Burg - My pleasure, honey. Just send whatever "izzles" you need translated my way. :)

Jon - As down with the terms as I am, I've never heard someone being referred to as a "light skin." Care to elaborate or should I just ask the women who call me black what it means?

Walter - ASIAN!?! You got Asian from that? Oh, you've got to explain that to me. Seriously. And remind me to blog the Vishnu (not Asian, but you'll understand) story one day.

Jewels - Seriously? He was comfortable enough to do that black club scene? Wow. I envy him. I've done it once - with some of the women I work with - and had a great time, but was uncomfortable with how . . .affectionate . . black men are in a club. They keep asking me to go back, but, ummm . . I don't see it happening anytime soon. I wish I could have heard your tone when you said "gurl" in your head! :)

Mappyb - Long time, no see! Glad you're still hanging around! I noticed there's not a link with your name . . you've still got a blog, right??? You've got to send me the link to that quiz. Seriously.

Sage - You had an afro?!?!? I demand, uh, I mean politely request, proof of said afro. Puh-lease????

Adam, dear - and none of them whiter than you. :) HUGS!

Steph - You've got a very valid point there, babe. Very valid point.

Anonymous said...

Did you post this because you were really concerned with being confused with niggers, or did you write it because you're proud how you have adopted nigger culture as your own?

Nobody cares what culture you have but you. Get get get, get over it.