Saturday, March 03, 2007

Rant Week: This Politically Incorrect Moment Brought to You By Bill Maher

I figured as long as I’d already shown my monsterous, ranting self to you people, I could get this off my chest, too.I would like to propose that:If you are over the age of 60 and/or handicapped you not be allowed on public road-ways during designated “rush hour” periods. I suggest 6:30 AM to 9:30 AM and 3:30 PM to 6:30 PM.

I don’t mind if you drive 55 MPH in the 70 MPH zone in the “fast” lane. I don’t mind if you slam on your brakes every third mile just because you anticipate someone might quickly exit the field of nothingness on your right onto the main highway. It’s your vehicle, drive it like you want.

Just DON’T, for the love of Pete, do so when myself and fifty million other people are trying to get to work. We have someplace to be. Someplace important. Someplace that provides our livelihood. We’re not leisure driving to the McDonald’s two cities away to meet our Class of ’48 band friend for coffee and a biscuit at 7:00 AM. Meet them at 10:00. Enjoy being able to sleep-in.

AND

If you are from out of state, or even just out of city, and are unfamiliar with the highways and byways of our fair area, please – also – stay off the roads at these designated times (see above). I don’t have time for you to drive 20 MPH looking for Exit 134 and is it on the right or left and is this really the exit or has Mapquest messed up again and OH! There it is! On the left! And here I am in the far right lane. Brake! Swerve! Crash!

AND

While we’re talking about Senior Citizens (whom I have much love for, I promise), please do not enter the grocery stores on the weekends. Most of you have all week to do your shopping at your slow, monotonous, push the buggy at .002 MPH pace while we’re at work. Blocking the aisle on a Saturday and debating over regular Prune Juice or Prune Juice NOW with Calcium! is not an option any longer. That should be done on Tuesdays.

That is all.
For now.

14 comments:

coyotemike said...

I'm not old, but I am also one of those folks never in a hurry. But I do avoid busy times of driving, not for the sake of others but for my own sanity. But I do agree that there are certain times when certain people should not be on the road.

You sound stressed. Go lay down and take a nap.

Jason said...

Can we also add a ban on stores the two weeks prior to Christmas. I got behind two rascal riders this past year in Wal-Mart.

Question: If you see you're going to be behind a rascal or wheelchair as you're exiting the store, is it considered rude to speed up and pass them?

Carl from L.A. said...

I would like to extend the same no-clueless-driver-on-the-road-during-rush-hour rule to L.A., and our rush hour here is 4 a.m. to midnight, 7 days a week.

And here we do 80 in 65 mph zones, even in congested traffic.

sage said...

Take a chill pill, the rat race ain't all it's cracked up to be. That's why I live in small towns--don't have to worry about the traffic...

sage said...

I should also say that I was laughing out loud while reading your rant.

Jon said...

Now, try working in a grocery store when the elderly parade starts. It's always when I'm trying to clock in.

Dan said...

Yikes!

meghansdiscontent said...

Coyote - But please tell me you're not one of those people that slows other people down. Take your sweet time, fine, but if you see me coming up behind you - get the buddha outta my way! I'm always stressed. My family tells me I'll have a heart attack before I'm 30.

Jason - YES! I agree with that ban fully. And, if it's rude, I don't really care. I mean, I do, but I don't. I've got places to be and things to do! I speed up and pass them. It's the only way to keep my sanity. Otherwise I am two inches behind them sighing loudly. :( I'm a bad person.

Carl - I would fit in so well in LA. I don't feel that I'm "really" commuting if I'm not doing at least 90. Perhaps senior citizens and tourists should just be banned completely from the highways of LA?

Sage - I live in a, umm, well, I guess it's a semi-small town. It would be compared to metropolises elsewhere, but I work in the state's capital. Commuting is more than a headache, it's an everything ache. And thank you for laughing aloud! :)

Jon - Kick their walkers out from under them and jump over them. I'm SO kidding when I say that. I think . . . no, I am, I'm kidding. Really.

Dan - Yeah, I know, this is angry Meghan. I'll go back to Semi-Sweet next week.

Traveling Chica said...

We’re not leisure driving to the McDonald’s two cities away to meet our Class of ’48 band friend for coffee and a biscuit at 7:00 AM.

ROFL

Oh that takes me back to high school, when I worked at a McD's and had to deal with those people.

coyotemike said...

I try not to get in anyone's way, but there isn't always anywere for me to go to get out of the way.

What's funny around here is, the people who I do let around me, who are in just a hurry, usually end up further back in their lane than I do in mine when we get to the stoplight. It amuses me :)

Bejeweled said...

I can't drive now without thinking about this post! How true it is. Can I add one more rant? How about people who are approaching a green light, with no one in front of them, but they break going through the green light. FOR. NO. REASON!!! WTF..... Arrrrgh!

Carl from L.A. said...

Out here seniors know better than putting themselves in harms way on the road during rush hours, and tourists? We just run them off the road.

We do, howver, slow down while crossing intersections on green because we know not everybody obeys the traffic signal.

Burg said...

There should be a mandatory retest for all drivers every five years starting at the ege of sixty.

meghansdiscontent said...

Chica - Oh thank goodness. You worked there, too! And that's EXACTLY where I came up with that thought. Every morning, thirty geriatrics would meet their friends at our friendly McDonald's . . .at 6 or 7 AM. Dear heavens.

Coyote - That does NOT happen to me. I assure you. If I get ahead of you, I stay ahead of you. It's a rule.


Jewels - I'm so with you! Amen! Good addition! Or those people that do 112 out of a parking lot to get in front of you then slow down to 8 mph once they're there??????? WTF???

Carl - I should probably slow down through greens, but I just punch it hoping I'm faster than the guy running the light. :)

Burg - I will gladly second that motion. Gladly.