The scourge of the South and the bain of my existence are the fashion offerings down here come mid-to-late-July.
I went shopping last Friday hoping to find cute camisoles, flirty skirts, short-sleeved baby-doll dresses and strappy sandals. I rarely get the urge to shop, seeing as how I loathe the activity to my very core, but when the desire strikes - it's best to move fast. So I flitted from store to store in what was later deemed a very vain attempt to jazz up my summer wardrobe.
In every store I entered were huge signs proclaiming "Clearance!" and "50% Off!" and "Biggest Sale of the Year!" Well, YIPPEE! I thought. If I have this unlikely urge to shop, at least I can catch things on sale! What's better than a sale?
Unfortunately, it didn't dawn on me until much later what this would mean: All summer clothing items are now non-existent in the South. If, by some miracle of fashion, you are a size 2 or a size 22, you can procure hordes of cute summer clothes at low-low get-'em-while-they're-hot prices. However, if you fall anywhere between the two sizes . . well, you're relagated to the full price FALL items. Which wouldn't be so bad . . . if the South had a Fall.
There are two seasons in the Deep South: Hot as Hades Summer and Still Hot but Bearable Summer. If you doubt me, I can probably find pictures to post of myself in short sleeved attire in front of the Christmas tree.
The fashion moguls who supply the Southern stores with their wares have yet to discover the above fact. I spent hours flicking through rack after rack of kicky jackets and jaunty sweaters. Jackets and sweaters. In near-August. In the South. And, ha ha!, most of them were made of some form of wool-blend.
Disheartened, I realized I would have to stick with the summer wardrobe I'd already attained. Sad, I know. Hopefully, some buyer for Dillard's will run across this post and realize that Summer attire will always be needed in stock in the South. However, I know how unlikely that is.
Thank the Lord that I wear scrubs 5 of 7 days.