Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I've seen a lotta bad movies, I saw one just last night

The next time Movie Gallery calls to inform me that I have a "free rental" I think I'm just going to tell them to credit it to someone else's account.

I couldn't tell you the last time I saw a good movie. Hell, at this point, I'd settle for a mediocre one. But upon hearing the word "free" all memories of bad movies past jump out the window and I immediately think I must take advantage of this opportunity! Never turn down something that's free! So I called Linley and we made a plan for a girl's night. Ugly pajamas, pore minimizing masks, pasta with a cream sauce guarenteed to clog your arteries and then oddles of Coca-Cola and homemade popcorn all for our movie viewing pleasure.

Once we were actually at Movie Gallery, the plan went a bit awry. I am not typically a "chick flick" kind of girl. I generally go for the more high-brow comedy, action-adventure, sports related or old black and white kinds of movies. I will occassionally make an exception, but I hadn't planned to on this night until Linley took it upon herself to hold He's Just Not That Into You high into the air and proclaim loudly "OH! I've been dying to see this and you know the guys will never watch it with us!! This is PERFECT!!!"

I didn't even attempt to hide my cringe. Nevermind that it was *my* free rental or that I was the elder of the two of us. All attempts to sway her from He's Just Not That Into You were thwarted and therefore the movie accompanied us to my house.

I now completely understand why some men are Confirmed Bachelors. I can see why others have sworn off women entirely or entered a monastary. I can even see why men that weren't previously attracted to the male persuasion may have found themselves in a gay bar on a whim. If that movie is any indication of how women generally are in relationships . . . . I salute your choices. I applaud you for swearing off the craziness that is women. Particularly that Gigi Phillips (played by Ginnifer Goodwin) character. I continually said "Are women REALLY this desperate?!?!? She's so . . . so . . . ugh. She makes me ashamed to be a woman."

The truly sad part is that throughout the movie Linley and I would look at each other and assign the characters to people in our everyday lives. For instance, that Gigi woman is the personification of Linley's 25-yr old roommate. They both have that palpable desperation that makes every man, woman and child steer clear of them lest they attach themselves to you like a parasite and drain every drop of blood and/or the desire to live out of your body.

The movie is simply painful. In fact, He's Just Not That Into You forced me to utter a sentence that should never never ever ever ever ever be uttered aloud:

"The only redeeming aspect of the entire movie was Ben Affleck. Without his character, I would have shut this crap off an hour and twenty minutes ago."

*shudder*

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