Monday, January 18, 2010

Little voices whispering, That I should go and this should end

I'll see him tonight for the first time in two months.

It would hurt him to know what I've done with our time apart so I won't tell him. I won't lie or tell half truths. I won't avoid or distract. I'll simply state a truth that I know he won't question.

"You don't want to know."

Our time apart taught me much. He is not as needy or clingy as I originally thought. His predecessor taught me the meanings of those terms. He is as devoted to me as he has always claimed. He saw no one in my absence. He called weekly and left a voicemail stating simply, "I love you. Call me when you're ready." I am not ready for this, but my selfishness has to end at some point and I have to give him a real chance. He deserves at least that much.

So tonight when the clock's hands read 7:30 we'll be seated at a cheesy Hibachi grill exactly halfway between both our homes and we'll talk. We - and when I state "we" I truly mean it this time - will decide if we want to begin again.

Whether we should or not.


Anonymous said...

Well that's good, right? I was wondering where you went off to, you hadn't posted anything for a long time.

Wendy Blum said...

Best of luck no matter what you decide. Listen to your gut. The gut's never wrong =)

meghansdiscontent said...

Gavin - I have a bad habit of disappearing, but I manage to show up again from time to time.

Wendy - Thank you, I will take that advice to heart.